Wonkette

“Three days after Americans saw the Bush administration’s counterterrorism chief say the Iraq war has likely not made the United States safer from terrorism, the official announced his resignation, citing health reasons.” [ABC Blotter]

Although editing Wonkette for the last 20 months has permanently destroyed any remaining faith I might’ve had in the democratic process, and America as whole, it has also been a helluva lotta fun. And I’ll miss it! I’ve grown to hate each and every elected official in this great nation, but there’s still something slightly pleasurable in viciously attacking them. And now, as I compose my final post for Wonkette until I quit Gawker in two years and end up the editor of Jezebel for some reason until I’m fired and shipped back here because I’m otherwise unemployable and no one else on Earth is willing for work for Nick Denton anymore, I feel a little sadder than I thought I would. Also drunker. I’ve been hitting the bottle since noon! MORE »

* The Top 10 Least Corrupt Junior Members of the 110th Congress
* Revealed: The Wonkette-LNS Cross-Promotional Deal!
* The Best Bars in DC For Ensuring That You Will Not Run Into a Single Person Even Vaguely Connected With Politics or Media (crossposted to Gridskipper)
* You Know, That Dana Milbank is Pretty Funny!

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According to what will surely be an utterly insane Fox News documentary (Dick Cheney: No Retreat is the serious, no-foolin’ name), Vice President Gargamel disagreed with Bush’s decision to remove his buddy Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary. Because Don was doing such a great job with the war, and oh, also because Don is the only reason Dick has reached his current position of ridiculous power. “I wouldn’t be where I am today if it hadn’t been for what Don Rumsfeld was willing to do,” Cheney told Fox, just in case we’d all forgotten how much we hate Don Rumsfeld. But, uh, we’re kinda confused. Because didn’t Rummy voluntarily resign? MORE »

Larry Craig’s devotion to public service is matched only by his urgent need to get anonymous dudes off in public. Which is to say that he’s not retiring after all! Even though he’s still guilty! Larry’s gonna stay on until the bitter end — a.k.a. “January of 2009″ — and he’s going to “explore… additional legal options.” MORE »

As a Republican from Nebrasdaho or wherever the fuck, Larry Craig was a tireless champion of power companies and logging concerns, and he never stopped fighting the powerful salmon interests. That’s right, salmon — you might know them as the harmless smoked fish Larry King puts on his bagels, when he is making bagels, but in real life Big Salmon has a stranglehold on our government and industry, preventing upstanding American companies from building big dams that power our baby monitors and puppy-grooming machines. But with Larry resigning in disgrace for the “crime” of soliciting public sex with an undercover cop, these salmon may soon be free to infest the Snake River with their disgusting spawn. That’s why we all need to support Senator Craig in his latest campaign: the campaign to not actually resign. MORE »

Larry Craig will not resign on Sunday, like he said he would before. Instead, he will postpone making any sort of decision on the matter until the judge overseeing his motion to dismiss his guilty plea for bathroom hijinx rules. Once the judge rules against him, Craig will probably still not resign, because dude is getting bitchier every day. [NYT]

Jim Ramstad is retiring! Which is the most boring news in the world except for the fact that had he done it a year ago my fucking stepmom would be in Congress right now. Dammit, Jim! That was my chance to finally meet that cute Stephanie Herseth before she got hitched. MORE »

Meet our new Attorney General, Michael Mukasey — he is qualified because he presided over “The Case of The Blind Sheik,” which sounds totally awesome. It’s like an Arthur Conan Doyle story! Anyway he’s a 9/11 hero and hey, the Democrats will confirm him, so Bush is on tv right now looking totally pissy because he didn’t get to nominate Ted Olson like he wanted to. So Bush has now given up talking about Mukasey and is just talking about how much he loves Alberto Gonzales, “dear friend and trusted adviser.” He’s gonna miss Al. Quick little intro there! To recap: MORE »

Hey guys, another high-level Justice Department official quit yesterday! An Operative sent us the resignation email. We know nothing about this Regina Schofield woman except that she was the “Assistant Attorney General for the Office of Justice Programs,” which means she was a corrupt hack, probably. Hell, Gonzo said she “served the Department of Justice and the American people with distinction and honor” so we can’t even imagine the scope of her crimes. Oh, she was apparently in charge of fighting ONLINE PREDATORS, PROTECTING OUR KIDS, and two particularly sinister-sounding projects, “advanced law enforcement information sharing” and “the President’s DNA initiative.” Resignation letter after the jump!

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Shinzo Abe announced his retirement today as Japan’s least favorite Prime Minister. Try to read this New York Times description without being reminded of someone: “the nationalist leader whose vision of an unapologetic and strong Japan foundered on scandals, incompetence and gaffes…” Nationalistic? Scandal-ridden? Gafes? That’s right, it sounds just like Russian Prime Minister Mikhail Fradkov.

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Larry Craig is retiring again, btw. His poor spokesman told the AP that the wide-stanced Senator will focus on helping Idaho find a new, straighter guy to take his place by next month. All that weekend talk about Arlen Specter and sticking it out was a he-said / he-left-a-voice-mail-to-the-wrong-number misunderstanding. UNLESS! MORE »

Larry Craig is supposed to resign this morning, “mountain time.” If he doesn’t, please express outrage in the comments. [New York Times]

“WASHINGTON (Reuters) - White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, who has been battling cancer, plans to step down on September 14 and he will be replaced his deputy, Dana Perino, a U.S. official said. ”