Ensign’s Affair Disqualifies Him From Ever Formulating Policy Again
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
Sad disgraced Senator John Ensign, who admitted yesterday to a boring affair with a consenting adult female while he was separated from his wife, obviously cannot lead the Senate Republican Policy Committee anymore because of … fucking? WHATEVER. He cannot function as a credible conservative voice if he has already confessed publicly to putting his ween in a lady, that is the point. So now he’s no longer the #4 Republican in the Senate … which, oddly enough, positions him perfectly for a 2012 presidential run as “the Comeback Kid.” Just you wait! [Bloomberg]











ANNNNND HE’S OUT: Michael Martin just became the first Speaker of the House of Commons since uh SIXTEEN HUNDRED AND NINETY-FIVE to be forced out of office. Now Parliamentarians will have to go back to paying for their own goddamned moat-cleaning or else Barack Obama will nominate them all for Commerce Secretary. [
Here is a helpful tip for all you local lawmakers who want to look at porn in your office: DON’T PRINT IT OUT AND THEN LEAVE YOUR PORNOGRAPHY LYING AROUND. Oh, and if it is horrible child pornography? First, quit looking at that shit, and second, DO NOT LEAVE IT LYING AROUND. Sadly, New Jersey Assemblyman Neil Cohen seems not to have mastered this valuable concept. 
