Resignations
Corrupt horndog John Ensign is quitting on May 3 as Nevada’s “other senator,” because the Ethics Investigation against him is about to pull out some really slimy dealings. Good-bye, John! You were a terrible senator and you continue to be a terrible man. But why May 3? There’s got to be either a financial reason [...]
Tea party-backed 2010 GOP gubernatorial nominee Carl Paladino won’t run for the now-vacant seat of former Rep. Chris Lee (R-N.Y), instead throwing his support behind state Assemblywoman Jane Corwin (R) should she run. In the wake of Lee’s quick resignation Wednesday evening after embarrassing web postings and photos surfaced on Gawker, a source close to [...]
Wow, that Chris Lee sure resigned fast, eh? For perspective, Larry Craig was arrested for trying to have sex with a man in a public bathroom and finished out his term. Which was months, not hours. The thing is, Republicans just will not stand for their members of Congress having affairs that aren’t illegal in [...]
We did it, you guys! We defeated Robert Gibbs with our restless coverage of his LEGO-based terrorism when there was nothing else to write about last week! Yes, Mr. Robert Lane Gibbs, famed White House press secretary, is leaving the White House forever, to go work in an actual building like an actual professional member [...]
THE WEEKLY STANDARAD has obtained a letter from Mike Pence, who is believed to be considering a presidential or gubernatorial run, informing his colleagues that he will not seek another term as chairman of the House Republican conference. “Now that we have restored a Republican majority to the House of Representatives and I have fulfilled [...]
Upon learning that family-values hero Mark Souder had resigned from Congress after admitting his extramarital abstinence, the marriage-sanctifying gals at Concerned Women for America — the Western Hemisphere’s most important public policy women’s organization, after Curves — were in despair, about men. Ultimately they put down their tissues down, though, and brought forth a proclamation [...]
Tracy Jackson, you have made very poor choices in life. You are pretty and reasonably young. And yet you *allegedly* let this gross old Jesus Freak Republican Family Values Congressman climb all over you and hump on you. Also, Tracy Jackson, Fox News reports that you are *also* married. UPDATE: Oh you think you can [...]
Indiana Republican and eight-term congressman Mark Souder is resigning immediately because he had sexytime with a woman who was not married-in-Christ to him. Souder just defeated a teabagger in the GOP primary, but with less than 50% of the vote, and eh we’ve never heard of this guy — Indiana’s third congressional district, we should [...]
Hey, it worked for Eric Massa, why didn’t it work for ex-Rep. Nathan Deal? We’re talking about resigning quickly so that the Ethics people don’t release hilarious findings about you! This is what has happened to Nathan “Ghetto Grandmothers” Deal, now. He resigned immediately after last week’s health care vote, a resignation he had already [...]
Here is today’s hot naked story from quitting Rep. Eric Massa, who is clearly being forced out to get this health care bill through. He is a hippie who will not vote for it: “Rahm Emanuel is son of the devil’s spawn. He is an individual who would sell his mother to get a vote. [...]
The POLITICO better be right, and it almost always is: “Rep. Eric Massa (D-N.Y.) will not seek reelection — after only one term in office. According to several House aides on both sides of the aisle, the House ethics committee has been informed of allegations that Massa, who is married with two children, sexually harassed [...]
NOOOOOO!!! Of all the aides that could have quit given the headline “Palin aide departs,” it had to be Meghan “Meg” Stapleton, the famous shapeless Alaskan laughsack! Meg Stapleton, coiner of the line, “The world is literally her oyster,” leaving. Leaving all of us. Leaving the world of Politics. (Lucky.)
Blake Hall, National Committeeman of the Idaho Republican Party, is now down one (1) National Committeemanship of the Idaho Republican Party and nineteen (19) used condoms. See, ten different times—like, on ten different days—Hall flung his lurid semen-filled condoms on his ex-girlfriend’s lawn, whom he stalked and stalked and stalked for like half a year. [...]
South Carolina is just full of filthy sex people performing terrible acts of sex upon one another. Take Kristin Maguire, who became “of interest” last week after it was discovered that in between chairing the state board of education and homeschooling her own four children (?), she was in the habit of publishing her loosely [...]
