republicans in the news
Rick Perry was going to save the Republicans from having to vote for a liberal Mormon from Taxachusetts, but then Rick Perry actually opened his mouth, and everybody outside of Texas realized for the first time that he’s an imbecile. It seemed Perry had everything it took to become president of America, as he is [...]
Let’s just “make sure we’re talking about the same thing,” because, well, we aren’t, now are we?
Now that the puddle of human goo that used to be Rick Perry has finally been covered over with cedar shavings and left to dry overnight, perhaps we should refocus on polishing the rest of the turds who for some reason are still interested in getting Iowans to hate them slightly less than the other [...]
Dull little rich boy Mitt Romney can’t get Republicans to love him, because he loves the Wrong Jesus and also was the creator of Obamacare in Taxachusetts. The news media, meanwhile, will only write about where Herman Cain would’ve liked to stick his dong, and the money he paid to silence the ladies about his [...]
There’s important new polling data about the power-worshiping misogynists who make up the Republican base: It doesn’t matter if Herman Cain constantly used his executive job as a way to sexually harass all the women unfortunate enough to have to work for him. Doesn’t matter a bit! Herman Cain is still the greatest Republican candidate [...]
When you’re a multimillionaire executive with important responsibilities like serving up dangerously unhealthy anusburger pizza pie to obese chain-smoking Americans, there’s always some tramp yelling about how you hurt her feelings or sexually harassed her or whatever, because the little people are always nipping at the heels of the Important People. This is Herman Cain’s [...]
Herman Cain is a pumpkin-headed creepy narcissist businessman who likes to repeat single-digit numbers and say stupid things. For reasons he cannot begin to explain, this Washington lobbyist and shit-food merchant allowed the release of a “web commercial” that shows a dirty old man saying weird things about Herman Cain and then melodramatically smoking a [...]
The reason why everybody says Rick Perry is a haughty gay country club waiter in Dallas is because that is exactly how he acts. But there was another Rick Perry, in the past: A Rick Perry who was not afraid to express his love of sausage, and was also not afraid to dress up in [...]
Damaged-goods dingbat Sarah Palin is so unpopular and forgotten these days that only Florida’s state GOP wants her around, at a trade-show rubber-chicken dinner, at Disneyworld. Palin has apparently accepted an offer to jabber for a few minutes in exchange for a platter of convention food and a bag of soiled dollar bills. But she’s [...]
He likes the Federal Reserve, still worships Alan Greenspan, took jobs away from tens of thousands of American working people, and wants to not only keep the hated Tax System but has new ideas for adding new federal taxes. Who is this pizza goblin? Herman Cain! For Republicans who’ve steadfastly “battled racism” by calling Barack [...]
Your former editor Juli Weiner has an Important Article at Vanity Fair about Mitt Romney’s strange Official Portrait from when he was the socialist governor of Taxachusetts. For all of his money and all of his calculated lust for public life, Romney acts like he was sewn into the wrong body — a characteristic that [...]
Hello, and welcome to Hades. It’s time for another “there’s actually a GOP debate every week forever” edition of Tonight’s GOP Debate. Who Will Win? Maybe Michele Bachmann will revive her lagging campaign by making the “Cakes of Light” (you really don’t want to know) and then maybe Chris Christie bursts out of this enormous [...]
What the hell is wrong with Republican voters? Are they starting to realize they’ve been cruelly fucked over or something? New Bloomberg/WaPo poll released just now says this: More than half of Republicans say wealthier Americans should pay more in taxes to bring down the federal budget deficit. Fifty-three percent of self-identified Republicans back an [...]
Republicans are a large bunch, if you get what we mean. When Teabaggers sit around the house, they literally sit around the 3,800-square-foot foreclosed tract house, in Florida. The latest advances in physics are repeatedly tested by the makers of Hoverounds and Rascals, as the wee scooters are expected to carry ever heavier loads. So [...]
