Dimpled fascist Rick Santorum basically committed himself to running for the President of Republicans, in 2012! At least, this is what he told a bunch of Catholic leaders at the Catholic Leadership conference, which was held somewhere over the weekend at some point. Your Wonkette guessed as much was true when back in August Santorum said he was going to be in Iowa in October. Anyway, Santorum famously could not even manage to get elected to a third Senate term back when he was Pennsylvania’s two-term Senator. Considering how big of an obvious failure he is, he is still pretty confident about WINNING THE PRESIDENCY, which is what counts! “Six months ago I would not have spent ten seconds on your question, but it’s not six months ago. I see that, I hate to be calculating, but I see that 2012 is not just throwing somebody out to be eaten, but it’s a real opportunity for success.” [LifeSiteNews (which is somehow not a website for pornography?) via Ben Smith]

Here is insane Florida death-monster Jim Greer, the famous state Republican party chair who last week shouted these important words, at America: “The idea that school children across our nation will be forced to watch the President justify his plans for government-run care, banks, and automobile companies, increasing taxes on those who create jobs, and racking up more debt than any other President, is not only infuriating, but goes against beliefs of the majority of Americans, while bypassing American parents through an invasive abuse of power.” But then he read the speech and… and… and it was okay BUT NOT WHAT OBAMA ORIGINALLY WANTED TO TELL THE YOUNGS, which was probably “Free cocksucking for all.” MORE »

Mark Sanford has admitted to a lot of sketchy behavior and pretty much constant lies about everything, and he is a weeping emo douche, but there’s one thing Mark Sanford wants you to know: HE DID NOT START THE RUMOR THAT HIS HATED RIVAL, LT. GOV. ANDRE BAUER, IS A BIG FAG. Somebody else must’ve done that. Still, “Andre Bauer” is such a gay name we don’t really need Mark Sanford to clue in the blogs, about that. [Palmetto Scoop]

The race to fill Ted Kennedy’s ample seat in the Senate is heating up like a corpse in the summer tide! (Sorry, Denby.) Curt Schilling, world champion quarterback for Boston’s “Mighty Ducks,” loves George W. Bush and jacking off in bloodstained sock, so he is qualified to be the Republican candidate. Schilling, heir to his family’s spice fortune, joins a crowded Republican field that includes former Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey and pretty much nobody else. MORE »

Disgusting wingnut diaper-fetishist hooker-user David Vitter says he is super excited about wingnuts yelling at him, at one of these Town Hall KKK Rallies. He’s even bringing extra diapers, because he’s already planning on jacking off and pooping in a series of diapers, while old people who really need diapers yell about how they will officially renounce Medicare and die, like patriots, at the Superdome. MORE »

Hey everybody, some birthers are just wandering around various Senate and House office buildings, bothering the shit out of staffers and interns, and then twatting about it, on the Twitter. David Weigel, the Stephen Crane + Ernie Pyle × Martha Gellhorn of the Tea Party-Birthers Wars, has the whole collection of retardation, go look at it and laugh, for America. [Washington Independent]

Remember Judd Gregg, the New Hampshire RINO who accepted a top job in Barack Obama’s Politburo and then melodramatically refused to actually take the job, like some emotionally unstable goth teen? Well he is back, sort of! The grandstanding old cocksucker went on CNBC to bitch about “Cash for Clunkers,” a government rebate plan with broad bipartisan support and popular acclaim that accomplishes the neat trick of getting polluting old jalopies off the road while keeping the car companies alive during these last tough months of the Great Recession — because this brief and helpful program will obviously cause the United States to become a “banana republic in 10 years.” This is what Judd Gregg said, on teevee. MORE »

GOP rising star Eric Cantor has apparently heard about this little problem with his party — you know, how the “Republican base” has gone batshit insane, because they hate the coloreds so much that they’ve decided no matter what, Barack Obama isn’t “really” president because there is something fishy about his virgin birth in Bethlehem 6,000 years ago, because we all know a colored cannot be president of White America. Cantor’s solution: Blame the librul media! MORE »

Sarah Palin is so super-maverick-y now that she won’t even honor her vow to make a speech at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, where she was scheduled to speak at the Simi Valley Republican Ladies Group Fund-raiser for Republicans, a very widely reported exciting event that was to be her first public appearance since just quitting the governorship of Alaska because fuck those people, right? MORE »

It’s a good thing National Review isn’t a Real American business that need to make money or anything, because otherwise it would go broke after the outrageous decision by its libtard editors to publish a long, detailed and sane deconstruction of the Birther Conspiracy. Of course, none of the NRO cowards would dare sign their actual name to such an outrage against Ron Paul’s Constitution, so it’s just signed by “The Editors” — French for “le pussies.” Really, look at what these socialist zeroes are writing about Nobama: “Like Bruce Springsteen, he has a lot of bad political ideas; but he was born in the U.S.A.” MORE »

Did you see Sarah Palin’s goodbye speech? Neither did we! But we heard it was “special,” and that she even wrote it herself (which explains everything). Here’s Star Wars hero Dr. Spock reciting Palin’s mumbo-jumbo, with bongo accompaniment! [Conan O'Brien]