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Posts Tagged ‘republicans’

LAMERS

Sarah Palin’s Pet Wingnut Concedes NY Congressional Race, Again

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

But now he's King of the Lamers!Doug Hoffman, the wingnut geek who forced the Republican out of New York’s 23rd congressional district special election but then lost that election to the Democrat and then proceeded to concede and later unconcede, finally admitted defeat (again) today, which caused the spontaneous pregnancy of Sarah Palin (again) and the immediate sale of 1 gazillion copies of Palin’s book, I’m Awesome. MORE »


REVENGE OF DIAPERMAN

David Vitter Now Pooping In Ladies’ Underwear

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

That'll be $500, Senator Vitter.Louisiana sex creep David “Diaperman” Vitter is known for one thing, and one thing only: Hiring hookers and then making those hookers put adult diapers on him, so he can poop in the diapers, for sex kicks. He has been caught employing prostitutes at least twice, in New Orleans and in Washington DC — his number found in the client phone records of the since-suicided “DC Madam,” in the latter case. He is a gross scumbag and a human joke, and guess where serious Congressional Journalistic Institution Roll Call found him fondling ladies’ lingerie and looking “a bit lost,” because he was about to spurt/poop? MORE »


APPALACHIAN TRAIL OF TEARS

Mark Sanford To Be Tried, Executed For 37 Crime-Sins Against South Carolina, Marriage, and America

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

Songs in the Key of Me.Twilight heart-throb and South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford loved his Argentine Firecracker soul-mate so much that he abandoned his wife, kids and that annoying job (Republican leader of a slave state) just to pile up frequent-flier miles and bang his mistress with romance. But now the mean twerps at the state’s “ethics panel” have examined Sanford’s behavior and charged him with 37 crimes, hooray! But the state attorney general won’t necessarily pursue this, because come on, does he look black? MORE »


RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Click Here For Steamy Central Bank Fan Fiction (NSFW)

Monday, November 23rd, 2009
  • Leftist vaginaphobia exposed at last! [Hit & Run]
  • 52% of Republicans believe ACORN was the 19th hijacker. [The Plank]
  • Haven’t you always wondered what Mother Earth would look like if she rocked some Saturn ring-bling? Enter the YouTubes and MS Paint: she would look fabulous. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • The liberal media: not actually communist, or just flirting? [Gateway Pundit]
  • There’s really only two things that arouse Matthew Yglesias: heavy petting and the Central Bank. [Matt Yglesias]

MATH IS LIBERAL

All 193% of Republicans Support Palin, Romney and Huckabee

Monday, November 23rd, 2009


What happens when enterprising Americans watch Fox News and use Twitter simultaneously? Constant hilarity, that is what, as you can see from this fun “info-graphic” on the Fox News, which explains how Sarah Palin’s supposedly strong 70% support from GOP idiots is still no match for Huckabee’s 63% support, or Romney’s 60%. What? [Twitter of "Keventhepang"]


IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE XMAS

Dick Lugar’s Drunk Wife Crashes Into Parked Car

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

Jack Daniels nipping at your nose ....It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs are going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople and their drunken wives and rent boys wreak havoc on the icy suburban streets. Congratulations to Charlene Lugar, wife of Republican Senator Dick Lugar, for winning the “First of the Season” award by just crashing into a parked car, because she was (allegedly!) drunk. MORE »


GET READY FOR TERROR!

Monday, November 2nd, 2009
  • THE MOST ANNOYING PROSPECT FOR TOMORROW AND ITS AFTERMATH: It’s not that Republicans could win two governorships in a miserable atmosphere for incumbents/incumbent parties that have had to make tough state budget decisions in the last year, or that strange circumstances in NY-23 are handing that seat to some wingnut unaffiliated with either major party — it’s the gloating we’ll have to endure as the media constructs its latest “GOP comeback” narrative: “A Republican sweep of the races the media has chosen to focus on (there’s another House special in California that Dems are almost certain to win) will doubtless be spun as a rebuke of President Barack Obama and his ‘liberal’ governing agenda.” [MoJo Blog]

ON TWITTER

Connecticut Repubs Foiled Again By Cretinous ‘Internet’ Machine, Retreat To Money Castles

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

In what is otherwise a fairly straight article about the latest failed hijinks from one of our nation’s two esteemed political parties, a reporter for the Hartford Advocate either forgets to put a certain phrase in quotes, or is just WACKY. Here’s a link, for using one off-key phrase, out of nowhere, in some alt-weekly! [Hartford Advocate]


JUSTIN LONG WOULD HAVE SAID YES

The DSCC Hits The Totally Lame Ball Out Of The Hip, Young Park With This New Ad!

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

Can everyone please check out the excruciating and clunky allusion that is the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee’s latest video? Why does the weird DSCC want to sell everyone iPod nanos? MORE »


A CHANGING WORLD

A Children’s Treasury Of ‘GOP Faces’ From The Hot New GOP Website

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

It pops up!The best aspect of the newly redesigned Republican Party website — aside from that amazing “What up?” thing — is the ability to refresh and refresh and refresh the homepage, for hours, to see all of the “GOP Faces” in circulation in the upper left corner, between the “G” and the “P,” where, what, a “Y” is supposed to go? But it’s just some random person’s head instead? Well your editors Jim and Juli have seen most or all of the “GOP Faces,” and analyzed them. Click the clicky to meet the members of what must be some secret “other” Republican Party in an alternate dimension, what with the youth and the diversity and the albino. MORE »


AMERICA'S GREATEST POLITICS GUY

Michael Steele Is Confused Again; Says ‘Poop’ In Unrelated Incident

Monday, October 5th, 2009

Wacky RNC chairman Michael Steele, who is in very deep shit right now with the orange boner in charge of House Republicans, heard about all of those white coats from the American Medical Association — historically Republican allies against health care reform movements, until now, because things are just so terrible — showing up on Obama’s front lawn today, and proceeded to make his devastating move: “The AMA is–does not have the credibility on this health care issue, as they would like to project.” He will now write an op-ed for the Washington Post to introduce his latest alternative, which would order a government bureaucrat get between you and your lying so-called “doctor.” Michael Steele also said “poop” today, which was pretty cool. [The Hill]