republicans
Congress Argues Over Whether Bible Allows Giving Free Food to Poors
Good news for the 15% of Americans who make up the Poors: Our elected representatives have done a close reading of the Constitution the Bible and magnanimously decided that it’s OK to give a few food stamps to poor people so they don’t starve, but not too many. Of course, it was not an open-and-shut [...]
Republicans Fabricated Smoking Gun Emails They Maybe Illegally Leaked; Forgot To Add Smoking Gun
First, a disclaimer: We, like you, are so. Fucking. Tired! of Benghazi. If Republicans had just taken our advice, they would not be suffering in the polls because they are wasting everyone’s time, and we would not be weeping into our latte because we have to keep struggling to wring a few drops of funny [...]
GOP to Impeach Obama for Benghazi Just as Soon as They Can Find It On Map
Are you sick and tired of hearing about how Benghazi is worse than Watergate and 9/11 and the Holocaust and socialized health care? Of course you are — just like the majority of voters. Public Policy Polling asked questions, all scientific-like, and found out most people think that yes, Congress should stop publicly masturbating to [...]
Republicans Publicly Masturbate to BENGHAZIIIIIIII!!!! On Taxpayers’ Dime All Day
Happy BENGHAZIIII!!!!1! Day, everyone. At long last, it’s here — the day children wait for all year, trying to be good and leaving out cookies before they go to bed in the hopes that Republicans will come in the dead of night to bring them tax cuts and transvaginal ultrasounds and the headbanded head of [...]
GOP Freshman Crybabies Want Their Chance To Throw Meaningless Hissyfit About Obamacare Too
What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over — and over and over and over and OMG, again???? — and over and expecting different results? In that case, it’s time to bring in the nice men with the strong meds for Republicans in Congress who think that the fortieth time’s the charm: At [...]
What Was Your Favorite Part Of Rand Paul’s ‘History Of Democrat Racism’ At Historically Black Howard University?
Today, Senator Rand Paul liked himself a lot when he was either “brave” or “crazy” enough to venture into the Heart of Blackness that is historically black Howard University and lay down some TRUTH like that Republicans have always loved civil rights and more TRUTH like that he has always been in favor of the [...]
RNC Bigot/Ex-Pilot Dave Agema Talks About His Issues Inside Homosexual ‘Flight Attendant Realm’
Republican National Committeeman Dave Agema got away with saying Obama and pretty much every terrorist is a Muslim and cutting funding to orphans and skipping budget votes to shoot sheep so it’s no wonder that he’s genuinely surprised other Republicans are now very upset because he turned his trademark awfulness toward the gays. So Agema has [...]
Everyone So Mad At Terrible Michigan RNC Committeeman Homophobe Dave Agema Being Terrible
Dave Agema, the Republican National Committeeman from Michigan and former state representative, is a Wonkette favorite. Wonketeers love him for his charming efforts to cut funding to a program that buys clothes for orphans, his willingness to miss key budget votes to shoot Siberian sheep, his fondness for tear-gassing American citizens, his deep-abiding belief that [...]
Pew Poll Demonstrates That Americans, Republicans, Not *That* Stupid
Hey-O, who has two thumbs and isn’t as stupid as you might have been led to believe? Oh, just 62% of Americans and 35% of Republicans, who think that the Republican party has become “too extreme.” For the record, we at Wonkette think that this is SILLY. Why on Earth would anyone find this “too [...]
Yes, Please
Look outside. A moment ago, was it bright, and warm, and sunny? Did a cloud just move across the sky and block out the sun completely? Did a monstrous shiver just rack your body, as though somewhere a Great Evil had been loosed upon the world? That is because some idiot claims people want Ann [...]
South Carolina Has Fun New Idea: Jail Officials Who Implement Obamacare
Anyone here from SOUTH CAROLINA? Yes? Maybe you can explain to us why your state is so crazy, possibly as crazy as Florida (or at least, coming at a close second): South Carolina state Rep. Bill Chumley last week pre-filed a bill for the upcoming legislative session that would criminalize implementation of President Barack Obama’s 2010 [...]
A Shady Charity, Millions In Debt, And ‘Diplomatic Inviolability’: Tampa’s Good-Time Kelley Sisters Are Perfect Republicans
It’s completely not fair that we in the media have now turned our considerable interest on the Kelley sistren. All they did was either get some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, or be related to someone who got some shitty emails from a presumed nutzoid Internet stalker, and now here we are [...]
‘Jail Is For Democrats,’ Explains Awesome Racist Drunk GOP Mom On Way To Pokey
Oh Charlene Idelle Hunziker, 47, of Council Bluffs, Iowa, gurrrrl, don’t you ever change! First, a liquid lunch at PF Chang’s, where you harass all the customers about NOBAMA being a Muslin; second, embarrass your daughter so much that she leaves you down in Chinatown (or at least the West Des Moines version thereof); third, [...]
Hero Congressman Calls For Shoving Military Gays Back Into Closet
Have you heard of Ohio Congressman Jim Jordan (R-kindofsucks)? That’s ok, he is probably pretty useless most of the time, unless you live in his district, in which case he most likely ruins a lot of stuff for you. Anyway, he has had the bright idea of promising to reinstate Don’t Ask Don’t Tell if [...]
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