Tag Archives: republicans

  never give up never surrender

GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?

Rep. Brian Babin (R-Crybaby)
After the Supreme Court saved Obamacare, AGAIN, most Republicans were more or less content to stomp their feet, shake their tiny fists of fury, repeat their five-year-old warnings that expanded healthcare access will destroy America (any day now, you’ll see!), and have themselves a good cry. And we drank of their tears, and enjoyed them ever so. Read more on GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?…
  only $7.99!

Wonkette Doesn’t Sell Confederate Flag Apparel, But We Gots Panties With Teeth!

Burning with a desire for reconciliation, these panties are.
June 23, 2015, will go down as the day America’s corporate overlords realized products bearing the symbol of the Confederate battle flag, which commemorates a group of traitors no better than those who leave America to fight alongside ISIS, are BAD. This came after two days of wingnut Republican elected officials coming to Jesus on the subject of the traitor flag, we assume because their internal pollsters told them that the numbers of of Americans horrified by the murder of nine black churchgoers far outweighs the tiny cohort of cousin-humping bubbas who think the flag represents the Real America. Read more on Wonkette Doesn’t Sell Confederate Flag Apparel, But We Gots Panties With Teeth!…
  Wonkette dance party

Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others

Republican creative type.
Republican candidates have this problem every single time they try to do campaigns. They think, “Hey, I have always loved that song by [insert artist here], I’ll use that!” And then they get a cease-and-desist letter, or a lawsuit, from the artist, saying “I hate you so much, you are not worthy of my song, you dirty disgusting wingnut.” It happened last week, when dumb Donald Trump thought it would be a good idea to use Neil Young’s “Rockin’ In The Free World” during his campaign announcement. No dice, Donald. But there is hope on the horizon! Read more on Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others…
  Curse that hindsight

Obamacare Great For Poors And Minorities, No Wonder GOP Hates It

Definitely thought this through
By now, we can all recite at least eleventeen reasons why the Affordable Care Act is great for America. Better coverage, lower prices, savings all around. And while we still remain the laughingstock of the civilized world because we don’t have universal healthcare like all the other cool countries do, Obamacare is our first significant step in the right direction toward the day when we don’t just let people die because they can’t afford medical care, so shrug, oh well, FREEDOM. Read more on Obamacare Great For Poors And Minorities, No Wonder GOP Hates It…
  Maybe the GOP could get a second opinion?

RINO Ben Carson Nukes Own Chances At GOP Nomination, Declares Racism Not Over

You can trust him, he's a doctor
Uh oh. Is Dr. Ben Carson, beloved hero to right-wingers who love when a black man assures them it’s OK to hate President Barack Blackity-Black Obama, and Obamacare is the worst thing since slavery, about to be escorted from the party? In an op-ed in USA Today, Carson violates the first — and second and third and eleventeenth — rule of being a black conservative, by declaring that racism is not dead after all: Read more on RINO Ben Carson Nukes Own Chances At GOP Nomination, Declares Racism Not Over…
  Profiles In Cowardice

GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney

All the GOP candidates right now basically
You wouldn’t think calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol would be a difficult thing to do, especially for those who believe they are bold and brave enough to be this nation’s next president. We’re not in the habit of honoring our enemies by flying their flags or building memorials to their fallen, after all, so it stands to reason that state-sanctioned deference to the traitors who declared war on the United States would be easily recognized as, well, un-American. Read more on GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney…
  Enraged about all of these things

Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M

What's left to say?
Dylann Storm Roof killed black people because he wanted to kill black people. Roof admitted this! But maybe it’s not about race. Let’s take another trip down Wingnut River to see why Roof’s nine victims — Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Tywanza Sanders, Susie Jackson, Cynthia Hurd, Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Ethel Lee Lance, Myra Thompson, and Rev. Daniel Lee Simmons, Sr. REALLY died. Read more on Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M…
  This won't work unless it does then HURRAY!

Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real

Whatever, he should just move to Hawaii
If you are an 86-year-old wingnut, next time you switch back to the Weather Channel from “Wheel Of Fortune,” you might be in for a surprise. There might be a terrible and bad Smartie Pants person talking at you about how “climate change is real” and “no seriously, it is real, you moron.” Even worse, it might be a Republican. Why is the Weather Channel doing tyranny and betrayal to you, when you’re just trying to find out the current forecast for as many cities as you possibly can before you fall asleep in your chair? Read more on Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real…
  Worser and worser

This Lady Says Sick Bastard Denny Hastert Molested The Hell Out Of Her Brother In High School

Sick fuck if true
Remember when we told you the story of the indictment of former Speaker of the House Denny Hastert, for allegedly paying hush money to cover up his sexual abuse of a former student known only as “Individual A,” was only going to get worse? It’s worse. Read more on This Lady Says Sick Bastard Denny Hastert Molested The Hell Out Of Her Brother In High School…
  Are you doing politics wrong? Maybe!

Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!

Learning is fun!
Here is some science for us to play with, from Verdant Labs, which did science research data analysis collection math stuff, and also has an app to tell you how you should name your baby, which is useful if you have never heard any names before, we guess? Read more on Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!…
  good luck with that

Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks

The least evil Cheney
Mary Cheney, spawn o’ Dick, is the one Cheney we kind of sort of do not fully despise. She’s The Gay One, and not even the self-hating kind. (Still a Republican, though, with otherwise terrible Republican values.) And while her evil Dark Lord of the Underworld father claims to love his daughter, he’d rather not talk about that because it’s a private family matter. Even though Dick’s other daughter, Liz, who is wholly despicable and evil just like Daddy, very publicly kicked her sister right in the girl nads when she ran (very unsuccessfully) in the Wyoming GOP primary for Senate, on an “I am not pro-gay marriage” platform, because she is wholly despicable. Which is why Mary, like the entire Republican Party in Wyoming, did not support her sister’s campaign and probably had herself a satisfying chuckle when Liz had to drop out of the race. As did we all. Read more on Dick’s Gay Daughter Mary Cheney Tells Gay-Hating GOP To Stop Being Dicks…
  The Clenis Rises Again

Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comSo here is a thing we know. We know that Josh Duggar did naughty sex things to five little girls, four of whom were his sisters. And Ma and Pa Duggar — being strict adherents of a religious cult that believes if you inappropriately touch your sister, it’s because her unholy whore hole was just askin’ for it, like the Bible says — thought it best to keep that quiet instead of, like, protecting their daughters. How do we know this? Because the Duggars released statements admitting that Josh did a bad, but he is sorry and his family is all A-OK with that now, and none of them have denied any of the details in the police report or any reported details about how they “handled” Josh’s molestation of his sisters. Read more on Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really….
  this will totally work

GOP Would Like A Shot With The Blacks Once They’re Done Making Love To Barack Obama

Unfortunately Carlton Banks is not running.
It is of course a Science Fact that black people only voted for Barack Obama because he was black. This is why Alan Keyes and Allen West have also been president of America for several decades each, because all the black folks, even the dead voter fraud kind that mostly do not exist, turned out in droves to vote for them. Oh wait, that did not happen, we must have accidentally mainlined some WorldNetDaily this morning. But the GOP does tend to believe that black people blindly voted for Barack Obama. Well, once HE is out of the picture, Republicans sense an opportunity! Can they woo some black voters away in 2016, when the Kenyan Prince will be relegated to ex-boyfriend status? Read more on GOP Would Like A Shot With The Blacks Once They’re Done Making Love To Barack Obama…
  What year is it again?

NBC Affiliate Decides Republican Navy Doctor Too Gay For Delicate Tennessee Viewers

So controversial.
Did you know marriage equality is a mainstream thing these days? Polling released Monday shows that fully 56 percent of Americans are more than ready for the Supreme Court to do gay marriage to the entire country, and those numbers grow every single year. So you’d think a commercial featuring a gay Republican military doctor who really wants to marry his boyfriend wouldn’t be considered “controversial.” OH BUT IT IS! At least for WRCB, an NBC affiliate in Chattanooga, Tennessee: Read more on NBC Affiliate Decides Republican Navy Doctor Too Gay For Delicate Tennessee Viewers…
  we can say it out loud now

Yep, Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Paid Hush Money To Cover Up Kid-Diddling. ALLEGEDLY.

Not actually Denny Hastert
So yeah. The dark secret not detailed in the indictment against former Republican House Speaker Denny Hastert, for allegedly agreeing to pay “Individual A” $3.5 million to keep his dark secret a secret and lying to the FBI about it? The details of which U.S. Attorney Zachary T. Fardon agreed to omit from the indictment for reasons we cannot begin to imagine? Well, according to the L.A. Times, Hastert’s secret is that he a sick son of a bitch whose “prior misconduct” was sexually abusing someone who’d known Hastert most of his life (a former student, maybe?), back in his coaching and teaching days, before he became a member of Congress: Read more on Yep, Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Paid Hush Money To Cover Up Kid-Diddling. ALLEGEDLY….
  It's always the cover-up

Let’s Remember That Time Speaker Denny Hastert Covered Up A GOP Sex Scandal!

Shed a tear for Denny
Back when Republican Denny Hastert was Speaker of the House — before he became a lobbyist and before he was indicted for paying someone a whole lot of hush money to cover up “prior misconduct,” whatever that means, we are terrified to find out — there was this whole other thing Hastert tried to keep all hushed up, and it was a gross Republican sex scandal (our favorite kind). Time to flashback thingy! Read more on Let’s Remember That Time Speaker Denny Hastert Covered Up A GOP Sex Scandal!…
  Allegedly

Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Indicted For Paying Hush Money To Cover Up Something REAL Bad

Good point!
Once upon a time, while the Republican Party was trying to recover from its self-inflicted wounds after its disastrous impeachment trial of President Bill Clinton for getting an extramarital hummer, conservative evangelical Illinois Republican Dennis Hastert became Speaker of the House. He wasn’t the first choice; Speaker Newt Gingrich had decided to retire, after making a mess of Congress, and the party’s second choice, Bob Livingston, also resigned in disgrace — for sexytiming someone who was not his wife — before he could even assume the position. Runner-up Hastert eventually landed the gig because of his clean-as-a-whistle reputation. Certainly he would not bring hypocritical shame to the party that had just thrown a constitutional temper tantrum over a blowjob. Until now. Read more on Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Indicted For Paying Hush Money To Cover Up Something REAL Bad…
  Mad About A Thing

Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming

Was 19 Kids And Counting also the name of Josh Duggar's bucket list?
Are we even remotely surprised that the oh-so-holy Family ValuesTM Duggars have been keeping a dirty secret about that time Josh Duggar repeatedly molested his sisters, and his parents knew and did not do a goddamned thing about it, except for (eventually) sending him off to sex rehab to learn about how his slutty sisters sinfully tempted him, so it’s not really his fault anyway? No. No, we are not. Read more on Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming…
  How dare you quote his own words to him

GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Traitor)
Check out this giant steaming pile of Iran-shaped elephant manure Wisconsin’s Republican Sen. Ron Johnson stepped in: “Now, a President who was awarded the 2013 Politifact Lie of the Year, if you like your healthcare plan you can keep it, period. If you like your doctor you can keep it, period. They lied boldfaced to the American public repeatedly with Obamacare,” the Wisconsin senator said at a recent town hall in Cerdarburg, Wisconsin. Read more on GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now…
  fuck this guy

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal Will Screw The Gays All By Himself, You’ll See

Bless his dumbass heart.
On Tuesday, a Fuck The Gays bill, HB 707 — similar to the Religious Freedom Restoration Acts (RFRAs) that passed, and were subsequently “fixed” like common dachschunds, in Indiana and Arkansas — died in a Louisiana House committee in a 10-2 vote. Gov. Bobby Jindal will not stand for this act of gay activist democracy, so he decided that if the House won’t do its duty, to Jesus and America, and pass the bill, he will just write his own version of the bill and pass it with an executive order, like a common power-grabbing tyrant: Read more on Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal Will Screw The Gays All By Himself, You’ll See…
  That'll teach you to be poor

It’s Arizona’s Turn To F*ck The Poors, Again

Jesus was a fiscal conservative
Arizona is all out of money, whoops, so the Republicans who control the state have decided, in their fiscally conservative wisdom, to close the $1 billion budget gap by cutting welfare that the federal government pays for. Good plan, guaranteed to work, no? Read more on It’s Arizona’s Turn To F*ck The Poors, Again…
  Here have some news n stuff

Fox News Affiliate Will Protect You From Picasso’s Fancy Sex Nipples

Sorry you just broke your monitor because this picture gave you such a boner.
Don’t you hate it when you’re watching the evening news with your mom and they say “BREAKING!” and it’s a story about how a Picasso sold for $179M at Christie’s auction, so you freak out because you just know they’re going to show art nipples on teevee, and now you have a boner in front of your mom? Well, Fox 5 in New York decided to blur them out so that won’t happen: Read more on Fox News Affiliate Will Protect You From Picasso’s Fancy Sex Nipples…