Wonkette

No, alas, this isn’t the much-anticipated “Whitey” tape where George Bush sits in an Afghan cave with Louis Farrakhan spewing racist garbage. (That’ll be out next week.) A newly surfaced video shows our president making some jokes at a recent fundraiser for Pete Olson. Who’s that, you ask? Olson is the Texas Republican who beat Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs in a hard-fought primary, thereby strangling in its crib one of the most glorious political ascensions since … well, the last incompetent fraud from Texas. MORE »

Short of cleaning restrooms at the Minneapolis airport when Larry Craig’s in town, there is probably no job in America more thankless than running against Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi for her Congressional seat. One brave woman has stepped up to the challenge and is raising a fair amount of money in her quest to become the Republican congresswoman from San Francisco, where a “Republican” is defined as “anyone who doesn’t bring a nipple-pierced gimp to formal events.” MORE »

That jabbering nitwit on Fox just signed a $100 million, five-year deal that will distribute his radio show through Citadel and Clear Channel networks. It’s significantly less than Rush Limbaugh’s recent $400 million, eight-year contract — but still, nothing to sneeze at. So what might Sean Hannity spend his truckloads of cash on? MORE »

The ancient snow troll who coined the most tired Internet phrase in the universe and who wanted to build a bazillion-dollar bridge to his Arctic Palace for Alcoholic Vietnam Vets ‘N Herring may soon leave the Senate seat he has occupied since 1812. That’s right — Ted Stevens faces some sort of opponent in his latest re-election bid. And he’s losing to this Democrat nobody! MORE »

Brent Rinehart is a commissioner in Oklahoma County, which is in Oklahoma. Rinehart has been charged with felony campaign-finance crimes and will be tried this fall, which isn’t helping his campaign for re-election. So he wrote this comic book (PDF) and is sending it to everybody in his district. MORE »

Senator Orrin Hatch is an old conservative Republican from Utah, the most conservative Republican state in the country: so it’s no surprise that in a moment of weakness the balladeer of the Senate would pen a sweet, romantic ode to one of his male colleagues. Apparently he is great pals with Ted Kennedy, whose battle with brain cancer compelled Hatch to write a ballad called “Headed Home.” But it is not about heads. MORE »

John McCain can stand up for several hours at a time and play games of chance for money! One eyewitness report comes from Above the Law’s David Lat, who used to write for Wonkette before he got classy. MORE »

Just a few short months ago John McCain and Mitt Romney were sworn mortal enemies, and McCain seized every opportunity to humiliate his pantywaist rival in public. And it worked! Mitt Romney had to drop out of the race after a series of excruciatingly embarrassing losses proved the only people who actually wanted a President Romney were his admittedly massive extended family. But now he’s campaigning for John McCain, who still makes fun of him! MORE »

The governor of California went on George Stephanopoulos’ show the other day and said he wouldn’t turn down a Cabinet posting from whoever got elected president. In just six months, America will finally have a Secretary of Bipartisan Grabass: perhaps not the one it wants, but the one it deserves. [The Caucus, Top of the Ticket]

Jesus, we almost feel sorry for John McCain having to deal with these hacks on the right who are agreeing with Phil Gramm’s characterization of America as a “nation of whiners.” Here’s Fred Barnes, executive editor of Bill Kristol’s Weekly Standard, calling Gramm’s comments “straight talk” and saying that American’s are “whining all the way through” the current Great New Depression. Surely keeping this issue alive and expanding on it is a great way for the Republicans to overtake Barack Obama in the polls. [YouTube via Think Progress]