Tag Archives: republicans

  Sad war drumbeat :(

Aw, Man, Does This Mean We Don’t Get To Do War To Iran?

We sure showed 'em
And we were so looking forward to more endless war Bad news for bloodlusters who’ve been wanting, for years, to Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran. Despite all of the warnings from the very same stupid dicks who were completely wrong about Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction that turned out to just be Saddam’s doodles on the back of a cocktail napkin about how he might like to do some “weapons of mass destruction-related program activities” one day, it appears the Senate is prepared to back President Obama’s evil scheme to avoid warring on yet another country over in that desert region where all of our oil is buried: Read more on Aw, Man, Does This Mean We Don’t Get To Do War To Iran?…
  S-M-R-T

Let’s Watch Donald Trump And Mike Huckabee Jizz All Over America’s Tallest Mountain

Jesus says Donald Trump and Mike Huckabee are equally stupid.
Jesus says Donald Trump and Mike Huckabee are equally stupid. Oh look, it is Republican presidential candidates making a mountain out of … oh, this time they are making a mountain out of a mountain! Except they shouldn’t be making one fucking word about Obama restoring the name “Denali” to our nation’s tallest peak, because they are stupid, and it’s none of their fucking business what Alaskans want to call that big-ass mountain. (“Denali.” They want to call it “Denali.” Because that’s what they’ve always called it.) Read more on Let’s Watch Donald Trump And Mike Huckabee Jizz All Over America’s Tallest Mountain…
  tortured logic

Texas Republican Wishes Americans All Looked The Same, Like The Orientals

Yes, yes it is.
Yes, yes it is. Here’s a new twist, a fun and exciting way for a Republican to lay blame for gun violence on something, ANYTHING, that isn’t spelled G-U-N-S. This time it’s Texas Rep. Pete Sessions, who is NOT, science fact, the same person as Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions. Maybe they’re sisters! Anyway, why do we have so much gun violence, Rep. Sessions? Oh, it’s diversity, you say? Huh, WTF? Sessions attempted to explain it to radio host Chris Salcedo: Read more on Texas Republican Wishes Americans All Looked The Same, Like The Orientals…
  Gotcha questions

Sarah Palin Knows Donald Trump’s Favorite Bible Verse Is ALL OF THEM KATIE

Rage buddies
Oh look, there was a Friday evening entertainment shitshow, and it was Sarah Palin interviewing Donald Trump, obviously because she wanted to meet her one of her favorite hero P.O.W.’s. And there’s so much goodness in this interview, and so many bowls of word salad, from BOTH of them, but OUR favorite part is when they did Bible trivia. See, the mean liberal gotcha journalists have been doing mean liberal gotcha questions at the Donald, over which verse of the Bible he hearts the best. This is a fair question because A., he is running as a Republican, and it’s virtually required for all candidates’ REAL running mates to be Jesus, and 2., he said the Bible is his favorite book. Like, he said those words, with his vagina mouth. And also, clearly, he is the most luxurious, terrific-est Christian ever. Read more on Sarah Palin Knows Donald Trump’s Favorite Bible Verse Is ALL OF THEM KATIE…
  Read to find out which one!

John Boehner Said A Swear About Ted Cruz!

Dirty mouth!
Dirty mouth! The orange man who is the boss of the House of Representatives opened his orange face at a Colorado fundraiser and out came a cuss! And, boy howdy, we agree with him for once. He said the “J” word about Ted Cruz! Read more on John Boehner Said A Swear About Ted Cruz!…
  It's on his hat

Republicans Plotting To Take Away Your Freedom To Make America Great Again

It’s not just a hat — it’s a plan! Everyone knows the Demoncrat Party is the party of Latino vote frauding and election rigging — usually with mind control. So here’s a neat twist! This time, it’s Republicans who want to rig the next election in a certain way, and that way is to keep the name DONALD J. TRUMP off their primary ballots: Read more on Republicans Plotting To Take Away Your Freedom To Make America Great Again…
  I'm Stickin' With The Union

More Bad News For Republicans: Americans SO Gay For Labor Unions

They like representation! They really like representation!
They like representation! They really like representation! So here’s a big fuckin’ deal: Despite decades of declining union membership (thanks, “right to work” laws!), a new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time since the recession, a majority of Americans like labor unions again: Read more on More Bad News For Republicans: Americans SO Gay For Labor Unions…
  GOP sad face

More Bad News About Planned Parenthood. For Republicans, That Is

Though not for long at this rate You know how Republicans have been furiously jerking their little mottled boner stumps to their snuff flick fantasies of murdering Planned Parenthood? And we have been screaming what a dumb idea that is because everyone loves Planned Parenthood — waaaaaaaay more than they love all the presidential candidates and the whole Republican Party, in fact — and also, millions of women and boy-women rely on Planned Parenthood for their healthcare, and taking away people’s healthcare, or even just threatening to take away people’s healthcare, is a real dick move. It is also a real dumb move too: Read more on More Bad News About Planned Parenthood. For Republicans, That Is…
  this will not work

Missouri Republicans Demand Interns Stop Being Too Sexy To Resist

A typical Missouri intern, we guess.
A typical Missouri intern, we guess. There is a thing that happens in every political workplace in US America, and probably also Guam, where everybody’s just doing their business, but then this one family values Republican, probably named Missouri House Speaker John Diehl, gets a shame boner in his knickers because one of those nubile co-ed intern girls just came into the room, and before you know it, he’s sending her text messages what say “God I want you right now” and wanna “leave you quivering” (probably in the vagina), punctuated with ALL THE EMOJIS, because that’s how you talk to Kids These Days. And then he has to resign, for being A Gross. Read more on Missouri Republicans Demand Interns Stop Being Too Sexy To Resist…
  He's equal opportunity

Ben Carson Will Protect Jews, No Matter What Religion They Are

Thinking about how to protect Jewish people.
Protector of the Jews, even if they’re not Jewish. Hey, remember that time “presidential candidate” Ben Carson got all confused about Israel’s system of government, and why don’t they just do a normal Congress with a Senate and a House and a Democrat Party and a Republican Party, like American countries do? Well, why don’t they? Why the Jewishes gotta be all confusing with multiple “parties” and foreign nerd words like “Knesset”? It’s just too much, and Ben Carson did that thing where he separated conjoined twins at the head that one time, so he knows when stuff is TOO complicated. Read more on Ben Carson Will Protect Jews, No Matter What Religion They Are…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Crunchy Cooters, White Supremacists And Megyn Kelly. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Wonkette baby has formed opinions.
Wonkette baby has formed opinions. Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and it is also August, which means the news is WEIRD and all the journalists who write the important stories about why everything is the Holocaust are on vacation, which means your top ten stories are ALL OVER THE PLACE. And only ONE of them is remotely related to Donald Trump, aren’t you happy? Moreover, only ONE of them is about candidates in the 2016 Republican primary. Because really, fuck all those nerds. Read more on Crunchy Cooters, White Supremacists And Megyn Kelly. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Everyone point and laugh at the losers

Dear Congress: We Hate You. XOXO, America

Dirty mouth!
Kiss THIS It has been a while since we pretended we didn’t already know the answer to the question: Do Americans like Congress, yes or no? Last time, the answer was “HAHAHA, you’re joking, right? I’d rather have head lice and a root canal!” (Not joking. That was the answer.) That was almost two years ago, before Republicans won the Senate and took complete control of Congress, with all their neat ideas about killing jobs and Obamacare and the environment and whatever other shiny thing is in front of their faces. Read more on Dear Congress: We Hate You. XOXO, America…
  Now THIS is pro-life

Abortion Is Good For Everyone, It’s Science

A lot, actually Abortion is a wonderful thing. It’s a safe and simple medical procedure that allows women to control whether and when to have babies, and, in certain cases when a pregnancy becomes life-threatening, it saves women’s lives. That’s why a third of American women have abortions, and almost every single one of them (95 percent) are glad they did. Read more on Abortion Is Good For Everyone, It’s Science…
  Someone stop the bleeding

If You Think Donald Trump Said Megyn Kelly Was Bleeding From Her Hoo-Ha, You’re A Nazi

Jeffrey Lord, apparently OK, folks, we can all go home now, because we have reached the penultimate* plu-perfect** fucktasm of stupid on Aunt Flo-gate. You know, the Very Serious Matter of whether Fox News word-speaker Megyn Kelly was a girl dick to Donald Trump during the GOP debate, for asking him why he’s such a sexist boy dick, because her va-jay-jay was on the rag; or whether she is just a big dumb stupid, and only a pervert would think Trump was talking about her lady whatsit when he said she was “bleeding from her wherever” because he obviously meant her NOSE, you sick losers; or whether she was asking inappropriate questions and should be YOU’RE FIRED! from Fox and apologize to Trump; or whether it’s time for us to start drinking. Read more on If You Think Donald Trump Said Megyn Kelly Was Bleeding From Her Hoo-Ha, You’re A Nazi…
  Who's the REAL sexist Megyn?

Donald Trump Pretty Sure Bleeder Megyn Kelly Is The One Who Should Say Sorry

The true face of feminism.
The true face of feminism. Megyn Kelly is mean and bad and should be the one saying “sorry,” y’all. Let’s recap everything that’s happened between Donald Trump, blowhard verbal diarrhea presidential candidate, and Kelly, Fox News anchor who sucks a lot but actually did a decent job moderating the first Republican debate of Fuckshow 2016: Read more on Donald Trump Pretty Sure Bleeder Megyn Kelly Is The One Who Should Say Sorry…