Tag Archives: republican

  just missed nice-time by a mile

GOP Rep. Ralph Hall Has Fun Hanging Out With Gays Until He Realizes That He Is Hanging Out With Gays

The Capitol is a large complex consisting of several buildings and a series of underground tunnels connecting them, so it can be a confusing place to navigate. However, Rep. Ralph Hall, a conservative Texas Republican and supporter of traditional marriage, has been in Congress for more than 30 years so surely he knows his way around. Which makes this Houston Chronicle piece so awesome: Rep. Ralph Hall showed up at an LGBT event for the Victory Fund last week…the Rockwall Republican sipped his drink and made polite conversation. Hooray!  Happy nice time! When a 90-year-old dude with a Texas drawl who voted for DOMA shows up to support the LGBT community, it is truly a sign that the gays are taking over in a pagan onslaught of homosexual marriages! But alas, it was all too good to be true. It was more like that time when Homer Simpson wandered into the gay steel mill. Hot stuff comin’ through! Read more on GOP Rep. Ralph Hall Has Fun Hanging Out With Gays Until He Realizes That He Is Hanging Out With Gays…
  morning in amercia

Let Reagan’s Budget Director Explain At You About Gold And The Fed And Other Cool Ron Paul Stuff

Isn’t that nice, Reagan’s former budget director David A. Stockman has taken to the New York Times to scold at us about debt and government spending and the fact that the “recovery” is a “bubble.” The good news is that we weren’t actually aware that there had been a recovery, so when the bubble pops we probably won’t be affected. The bad news, according to this guy anyway, is everything else, but if you frequent Wonkette you are probably used to bad news and can take it. Read more on Let Reagan’s Budget Director Explain At You About Gold And The Fed And Other Cool Ron Paul Stuff…
  probably less crazy than Tea Party dudes

Yes, Virginia, There Is A (Sad Befuddled Old Man Running For Congress Who Thinks He Is) Santa Claus

Well now we have TWO Sadz! First we watched the Span’s rerun of the Gore-Bush debate where Jorge Boosh said things like “an elderly,” and now we have read this Daily Caller piece about a seemingly sort of disassociative old man who is running for Congress (as a Republican) in Michigan, and who may kind of think he is Santy Claus. Now, why Daily Caller is going after a Republican is beyond us (sloooow news day?), but they not only point out old St. Nick’s possible need for therapy, but also his bankruptcy and how some lady follows him around calling him a crook. MEAN LADY, LEAVE SANTA ALOOOOONE. Read more on Yes, Virginia, There Is A (Sad Befuddled Old Man Running For Congress Who Thinks He Is) Santa Claus…
  Screwing Poors and Old People

Utah Republican Jason Chaffetz Has Some Original Ideas On Fixing The Deficit

Representative Jason Chaffetz, a Republican (duh) from Utah, has a lot in common with his fellow Republicans, given that he thinks that fixing the deficit is a very, very important issue, but! not so important that we should be willing to cut defense spending or let the Bush tax cuts expire to get the job done. See, to Representative Jason Chaffetz, the deficit is a very specific level of important that necessitates raising the retirement age to 72, but does NOT require the expiration of the Bush tax cuts. In an op-ed over at The Hill called “Washington Has a Spending Problem, Not a Revenue Problem,” Chaffetz patiently explains that if we’d all just be willing to pitch in and sacrifice a little — you know, retire at 72, privatize Medicare, limit government assistance to Poors, that sort of thing — we can protect the interests of oil companies and rich people AND fix the deficit! Read more on Utah Republican Jason Chaffetz Has Some Original Ideas On Fixing The Deficit…
 

Why Won’t The Democrats Compromise On The Budget Like Republicans Do?

Congressional Representative Robert J. Dold, a Republican (because SHOCKER) from Illinois, is a self-described “small business owner” from Illinois who is very, very concerned about the deficit. As all Very Serious People know, the deficit is the Most Important Challenge facing America today, and it’s not going to fix itself! It will take very specific, nuanced policy prescriptions like: “working together” and “finding common ground” so we can “spur the economy.” It’s just “common sense” that we can solemnly nod our heads in shared agreement about which platitudes best describe the correct course of action for addressing this non-problem. “Enough is enough,” by golly! (Democrats, he is talking to you!) Read more on Why Won’t The Democrats Compromise On The Budget Like Republicans Do?…
  Bristol Bump

Bristol Palin Absolutely Not Sexing Anyone, Says Bristol Palin

Bristol Palin is setting the record straight about ‘putting a ring on it’ vs ‘trial marriage’ (getting dick). Despite her past struggles of tagging hockey players, having a child out of wedlock and pretending to be a Christian, Bristol is super totally not “doing it” with the hot dude your Wonkette said Bristol was totally doing it with. Bristol is a good Christian, but now she wants to show how bad it is for everyone else but her to get it without being married first. Bristol, through her years of experience, has found the only way to have sex and be ok with it is to put a shiny piece of metal on her finger and getting the ‘do it’ from Jesus. Read more on Bristol Palin Absolutely Not Sexing Anyone, Says Bristol Palin…
  ain't no party like a nazi party

Mr. Hitler Goes To Washington

Republicans’ psycho cousin The American Nazi Party (ANP) registered its first lobbyist this week. They grow up so fast! It seems like just yesterday they were destroying the world! John Bowles, das lobbyist, registered Tuesday with House and Senate offices to represent the ANP. Read more on Mr. Hitler Goes To Washington…
  soothsaying

Charlie Crist Will Run For President In 2012

Here is a bold Internet prediction: the newly off-the-market bronze Floridian frat-mammal Charlie Crist will make a run for the presidency next go-round. After all the work he put into his failed quest for the Republican VP nod this year — everything from endorsing the reanimated corpse of John McCain to asking a lady for her hand in marriage — nobody would have been shocked if he had just quit politics altogether once the odious Sarah Palin stole his spot. But his decision to forge ahead, putting his bachelor life behind him and doing something nice for the Everglades, means just one thing: he plans to position himself as the safe, non-religious-wingnut, environmentally reasonable Republican alternative for 2012. Read more on Charlie Crist Will Run For President In 2012…
  electoral maths

McCAIN WINS MISSOURI: Not that it matters, but he won it, so there’s that! Won it by a hair under 6,000 votes. [MSNBC]
  but obama's black!

All Michigan Republicans Now Hate McCain

John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes in nothing but the counsel of lobbyists, his right to massive wealth and his elite military bloodlines. This is why every Republican leader in Michigan — including the dead moderate ghost of Gerald Ford — has gone public with their deep hatred of John McCain, the horrible old fraud. Read more on All Michigan Republicans Now Hate McCain…
  so lonely

Gay Larry Craig Has No Internet Friends

Why is gay Senator Larry Craig always getting arrested in public restrooms? Because he’s the Idaho Bathroom Goblin, that’s why! Also, as this picture proves, it’s because he has no Internet friends. So sad. [Official Profile: Sen. Larry E. Craig] Read more on Gay Larry Craig Has No Internet Friends…
 

This Florida Life: Boca Raton Welcomes Republicans!

Hey look, it’s teevee’s Joe Scarborough! Wonkette operative Lauren Selsky has all these pictures and words from the very center of the Republican Universe, at least for the next two hours. Read more on This Florida Life: Boca Raton Welcomes Republicans!…
 

BREAKING: RON PAUL COULD BEAT RUDY 9IU11ANI

The great GOP battle known as “Nut vs. Nut” may finally resolve with the more-famous nut (serial adulterer/abortionist Rudy Giuliani) losing to the renegade Texas nut, Dr. Ron Paul. At the moment, Rudy’s got 9% and Paul’s right on his terror-loving ass with 8% — that’s with 14% of the precincts reporting. Let’s look back in anger at Rudy and Ron’s greatest moment during one of the 1,700 Republican debates last year: Read more on BREAKING: RON PAUL COULD BEAT RUDY 9IU11ANI…
 

Does Huckabee Owe His Success To George Foreman’s Grill?

newVideoPlayer("Foreman_Snapper.flv", 475, 376,""); Here’s once-fearsome heavyweight champion George Foreman figuring out a way to get free television advertising on FOX for his miraculous fat-burning grill: Answer questions about suddenly successful former-fatso Mike Huckabee! We’ve sent our own videographer Liz Glover to find out if Huckabee actually owns a Foreman Grill and if he indeed used it to “knock out the fat.” Stay tuned, refresh constantly, etc. Read more on Does Huckabee Owe His Success To George Foreman’s Grill?…
 

Nobody Wants to Play Anymore

Today, Jim McCrery of Louisiana became the 17th Republican in the House to announce that he’s not running for re-election. McCrery is the head Republican on the Ways and Means Committee and is reportedly depressed that he can’t make its Chair, Charlie Rangel, see his point of view. In a completely unrelated note, McCrery has been dogged with rumors of bisexuality at least since 1992, when The Advocate published its exposé about his rumored bisexuality. Of course, he also says wants to spend more time with his family. [CQ Politics, The Advocate via BlogActive] Read more on Nobody Wants to Play Anymore…
 

Dickcember Wind Is Picking Up

In 2003, Jeffrey Ray Nielsen here was arrested in California for having sex with a 14 year-old boy he met online when he was 33. Of course, he met him online when he was employed at a prominent law firm that agreed to hire him as a favor to the current head of the Orange County Republican Party, Scott Baugh. Yes, that’s right, it’s time for another Republican child sex scandal! Read more on Dickcember Wind Is Picking Up…