Tag Archives: republican primary

  Gotcha questions

Sarah Palin Knows Donald Trump’s Favorite Bible Verse Is ALL OF THEM KATIE

Rage buddies
Oh look, there was a Friday evening entertainment shitshow, and it was Sarah Palin interviewing Donald Trump, obviously because she wanted to meet her one of her favorite hero P.O.W.’s. And there’s so much goodness in this interview, and so many bowls of word salad, from BOTH of them, but OUR favorite part is when they did Bible trivia. See, the mean liberal gotcha journalists have been doing mean liberal gotcha questions at the Donald, over which verse of the Bible he hearts the best. This is a fair question because A., he is running as a Republican, and it’s virtually required for all candidates’ REAL running mates to be Jesus, and 2., he said the Bible is his favorite book. Like, he said those words, with his vagina mouth. And also, clearly, he is the most luxurious, terrific-est Christian ever. Read more on Sarah Palin Knows Donald Trump’s Favorite Bible Verse Is ALL OF THEM KATIE…
  Mom burns

Donald Trump To Jeb Bush: YOUR MOM!

Smile and remember you're not good enough, son.
Smile and remember you’re not good enough, son. Oh, now this is just sad, even sadder than the last time we said something was sad about Jeb Bush, like last week. Donald Trump has noticed that Barbara Bush doesn’t seem to be be all that jazzed about being Jeb Bush’s mom, and Trump’s using it against him. Trump’s new ad is just an interview with Mother Superior, where in response to “Would you like to see him run?” she simply says, “No, I really don’t. I think it’s a great country, there are a lot of great families, there are just just other people out there that are very qualified, and we’ve had enough Bushes.” SICK MOM BURN. Read more on Donald Trump To Jeb Bush: YOUR MOM!…
  As Constitutional As They Wanna Be

GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution

Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay
Considering that’s an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay You old folks may remember a time when it was actually controversial, back in 2010, when Iowa congressmelon Steve King wanted to trash the 14th Amendment and its guarantee of birthright citizenship, so Our Nation wouldn’t sink to the sea floor under the weight of all those “anchor babies” the illegals were having. Since then, though, a whole bunch of other Republicans have become quite open to throwing the 14th Amendment right out the Overton Window. You see, while some amendments are holy and can never be restricted — like the Second, which preserves all the others at the mere cost of 30,000 dead Americans annually — others have unintended consequences that simply can’t be tolerated, like how the 14th lets Messicans from all over Latin America come here and pop out a bunch of new citizens who have to be treated as if they had rights or something. Read more on GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution…
  Unfair!

Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker

As we already told you (sheesh, do you people EVER listen?), Donald Trump released his terrifically detailed immigration policy, and it’s terrific. And classy. And beautiful. And tremendous. And the most brilliant policy you ever did read. And in case you didn’t bother, it goes something like this: Read more on Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker…
  But Is It Tough Enough?

Donald Trump Has Detailed Plan To Kick Mexico’s Ass Now, And It’s Terrific

President Trump will pay for the wall with a 5000% import duty on these things.
Looks like we all have to start taking Donald Trump seriously now, because his campaign has posted a very serious position paper on immigration that explains how Donald Trump would make all the scary immigrants go back where they came from and never rape and murder us anymore like they have been, and he finally revealed how he would make Mexico pay for The Wall. Also, it would Make America Great Again, which is an important component of the plan’s inevitable success. Read more on Donald Trump Has Detailed Plan To Kick Mexico’s Ass Now, And It’s Terrific…
  gross

Rick Santorum Knows Fetuses Are Cuddle Buddies, Not ‘Medical Research’

I did not do research on that fetus!
I did not do research on that fetus! Ooh, Rick Santorum said a ZING! at one of the idiots he’s running against, Ben Carson, because that’s how he’s going to get the Republican nomination, by yipping at the other loser candidates like an underfoot Pomeranian. He’s ankle-biting Carson, because back in Carson’s doctor days, he did all sorts of fetus parts research. If Santorum were a doctor (LOL), would HE do fetus parts research? Golly gee, no way, CNN’s Chris Cuomo, how could you even suggest such a thing?! Read more on Rick Santorum Knows Fetuses Are Cuddle Buddies, Not ‘Medical Research’…
  Look Away!

Confederate General Bobby Jindal Invades New Orleans

Something something 'flagging primary campaign'
Something something ‘flagging presidential campaign’ Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal took a firm stand in favor of protecting the proud history of a nation that instigated a failed rebellion, threw out the United States Constitution, lost a civil war that killed 2.5 percent of the American population, and after four years of war, completely ceased to exist — 150 years ago. You see, Mayor Mitch Landrieu and City Council of New Orleans are considering removing four public monuments to the Confederacy, and Gov. Jindal, in a move that seems calculated to try to keep his bogged-down presidential candidacy alive, said Thursday that he won’t let the city get away with that. He’s a small-government conservative in favor of states’ rights, but like so many Small-Gov types, he’s discovered that local control is a terrible thing when it comes to cities doing things he doesn’t like. Read more on Confederate General Bobby Jindal Invades New Orleans…
  We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

Great Feminist Blog RedState Says Hillary Clinton Is An Ugly Ho

Talk to the hand, and also YOUR MOM Once upon a time, there was a guy with with a real dumb redundant name that is dumb, and for an entire millisecond, he fancied himself a great defender of womenfolk and decency. And fellow feminist icon Jeb! Bush declared him to be “on the side of women,” so it must be true. Read more on Great Feminist Blog RedState Says Hillary Clinton Is An Ugly Ho…
  He's Got Some Balls

Sorry, Wisconsin, Gov. Walker Just Blew Your Last $400 Million On A Sportsball Arena

The face that cut a thousand jobs
Here’s a story to do your Fiscal Conservative heart good: Wisconsin governor and super government-spending-cutter Scott Walker signed legislation Wednesday committing the state to helping the Milwaukee Bucks build a fabulous new stadium for their playing of Sportsball. Don’t worry, though, because the team owners will chip in half of the stadium’s projected costs, currently $500 million. But through the magic of interest payments, the total cost to taxpayers is likely to be closer to $400 million. And even though Walker has been slashing budgets for unnecessary government spending like universities and rural health care, Walker insists that this handout to a bunch of millionaires is a terrific “investment” for the state, since the stadium will allegedly return $3 to the economy for every $1 spent on the thing. Read more on Sorry, Wisconsin, Gov. Walker Just Blew Your Last $400 Million On A Sportsball Arena…
  Case Settled

Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever

Loser You know how Fox News “journalist” Megyn Kelly was probably bleeding from her V-word, and that’s why she was such a B-word to Donald Trump during the Republican debate? (Or maybe not, and Donald Trump is a rude sexist sexismer. Or maybe Kelly is the real sexist and should apologize to Trump. Or maybe Jeb! Bush is the real sexist. Or maybe you are the real sexist, and also a Nazi. Any of these things are possible!) Read more on Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever…
  Republicans in so much damned disarray

Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome

They sure love us
How’s the lady outreach going? The Republican Party is in the middle of a terribly bloody fight right now about which one of these assholes is the biggest asshole to women. (Hint: It’s all of them.) Thanks to the party’s current favorite presidential contender, Donald Trump, the GOP is trying, yet again, to prove it does not hate Vagina-Americans. And, like all the other failed attempts before this one, it’s going as well as you’d expect. Read more on Republicans Bleeding From Their Everywheres, And It Is Awesome…
  Menstrual Blood Libel!

Donald Trump: Why Was Megyn Kelly Moderating A Debate Instead Of In The Blood Hut?

Hey, it makes as much sense as the original
Hey, it makes as much sense as the original How’s this for a surprise? Donald Trump shot his fool mouth off again, and this time managed to say something stupid enough to get himself disinvited from Erick Erickson’s Cattle Call For Rightwing Ninnyhammers, as we all know what a stickler for politesse Erick, Son of Erick, is. In an interview with CNN Friday, Trump said that he could tell that Megyn Kelly was simply too flushed with lady hormones to be nice to him at Thursday’s Republican primary debate: Read more on Donald Trump: Why Was Megyn Kelly Moderating A Debate Instead Of In The Blood Hut?…
  Enjoy Your Fifteen Minutes

Carly Fiorina Won Happy Hour! Could Someone Explain Why?

You can make those botoxed lips smile, you can do it!
You can make those botoxed lips smile, you can do it! America’s political talkers had a simultaneous consensus-gasm following the Second Tier Loser’s Debate Thursday night, and they proclaimed failed Hewlett-Packard CEO and losing Senate candidate Carly Fiorina the big winner of the hourlong ratings death march. We honestly have no idea why, except maybe it had something to do with her not being a complete stiff or a nebulous cipher. All we heard was the usual GOP nonsense in a slightly higher vocal register, and a complete lack of any Demon Sheep. Read more on Carly Fiorina Won Happy Hour! Could Someone Explain Why?…
  Every Word Is A Drinking Game

Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing First Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog

He’s ready. YOU ready? Didn’t we all have such a good time laughing at the second-tier candidates’ debate? We sure did! Now let’s watch Donald Trump and the other guys have their turn. And hey, if you missed the Kids’ Table debate from earlier today, like during “All My Children” or whenever it was on, go read Wonkette’s live-blog of that, and catch up on all the news about how Lindsey Graham is going to die alone, Carly Fiorina sexts with Bibi Netanyahu and Rick Santorum used “optimism” to put seven babies in his wife’s butt. // < ![CDATA[ (function() { var lb24 = document.createElement('script'); lb24.type = 'text/javascript'; lb24.id = '24lbScript'; lb24.async = true; lb24.charset="utf-8"; lb24.src = '//v.24liveblog.com/embed/24.js?id=1299000'; (document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0] || document.getElementsByTagName('body')[0]).appendChild(lb24);})(); // ]]> Read more on Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing First Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog…
  Point and laugh at the sads :(

Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing Second Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog

Well hello there! Are you ready to see the loser junior varsity Republican candidates lose some more while they debate each other during loser hour? US TOO! Who knows what’s going to happen? Will Rick Santorum get real stigmata? Will Rick Perry comb his mane the whole time? Will Jim Gilmore try to feel Carly Fiorina on the boobies? Who can say, nobody knows who he is, so we don’t know if he’s a booby-grabbing creeper or not! Join us as we live-blog the inaugural debate of Fuckshow 2016! Read more on Liveblogging The Pathetic Embarrassing Second Tier GOP Losers Debate: A Live Blog…
  Cash she wants cash

What The Hell Does Sarah Palin Want Now?

The face of the Republican Party.
The face of the Republican Party. Does Sarah want to be vice president when Donald Trump becomes “president,” because he already said he wants to tap her, in a government way? Does she want to Maverick her way into the You Betcha spot at the last minute and run for president? (Probably not, presidents don’t usually quit halfway through their terms unless they’ve been caught doing Watergate.) Is she just GRIFTING FOR CASH LIKE SHE ALWAYS DOES, because it beats getting a real job? All these questions come to mind as we watch this new “documentary” on how awesome she is, conveniently released the same week as the first Republican primary, because Palin has never seen limelight she didn’t want to toss word salad in the middle of. Read more on What The Hell Does Sarah Palin Want Now?…