Tag Archives: republican party

  wtf?

Republicans Actually Say Out Loud They Are Not Loyal To America, To Pollsters, With Their Mouths

Just plain sad
After all these years of hearing So. Much. BULLSHIT! about Barack Obama — he’s a secret Muslim, he’s a secret Kenyan, he’s a cokehead, he’s a gay, he’s the devil, he’s the anti-christ, he’s Hitler, he’s a this that the other thing ARGGGHHHH! — we have no right to be shocked anymore by anything any Republicans say or do to let us know just how much they hate the president. Read more on Republicans Actually Say Out Loud They Are Not Loyal To America, To Pollsters, With Their Mouths…
  Next: The Inevitable Drunken Make-Up Sex

Glenn Beck Breaks Up With GOP, Won’t Return Any LPs They Bought Together

Who'll get custody of the Butthurt?
Oh dear. This is going to make for some awkward Thanksgiving dinners, we bet: Glenn Beck is done with the Republican Party because he just can’t stand how they keep cheating on him. On his radio programme Wednesday, Mr. Beck told the GOP that it’s not him, it’s them: Read more on Glenn Beck Breaks Up With GOP, Won’t Return Any LPs They Bought Together…
  The GOP Civil War is still alive and well!

No, John Boehner Is Not Fellating The President, Says John Boehner

It only *looks* like he grew a beard there
Fresh from beating off a half-assed coup from the wing of his party that eats roadkill and shits conspiracy theories, Speaker of the House John Boehner reveals in Politico that reports that he looooves to fellate the president are wildly overstated: Read more on No, John Boehner Is Not Fellating The President, Says John Boehner…
  Very Serious Journamalism Meets Very Serious Talking Points

GOP Will Give Pregnant Ladies ‘Whatever It Is That We Can Offer’ Except For One Little Thing

Just trying to remember which talking point works here
In the never-ending quest to prove that every member of the Republican Party is dumber than he (or she, there are like half a dozen chicks too!) looks, Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus went on Meet The Press Sunday to really drive the message home again some more again some more. Read more on GOP Will Give Pregnant Ladies ‘Whatever It Is That We Can Offer’ Except For One Little Thing…
  Shouldn't Have Let Operation Rescue Do The Campaign Mailers

Michigan GOP Urges Wingnuts To Harass Democrat’s Dying Mom About Obamacare

t's just free speech. Shut up.
Look, politics is serious business, and if you’re in a tight race, anything goes. If you’re the Michigan GOP, that even includes sending out a mailer that urges people to call a Democratic candidate’s 91-year-old mother, who is in hospice care at a nursing home, so they can tell her just how much they hate Obamacare: Read more on Michigan GOP Urges Wingnuts To Harass Democrat’s Dying Mom About Obamacare…
  They're also FOR being against everything

Republicans Rebranding Again (Again), This Time As Party Of ‘Ideas’ LOL

They sure love us
Since it has been almost five whole minutes since the Republican Party tried again to rebrand itself again unsuccessfully again (turns out stock photos can’t vote; who knew?), there’s a new new super extra new plan to convince voters the Republican Party does not suck. We’re hoping it doesn’t fail until we at least finish writing about it. Read more on Republicans Rebranding Again (Again), This Time As Party Of ‘Ideas’ LOL…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Napalms Fox & GOP For Selective Benghazi Outrage (Video)

As you may have noticed, the conservative politico-media nexus has shifted focus: with Obamacare Fear no longer getting much traction, they’re back to Benghazi Outrage again. And here’s Jon Stewart to answer Fox News’s repeated question: Why aren’t Americans as outraged as Fox News knows they should be? Just maybe, says Stewart, it has something to do with having very recently experienced an administration that really knew how to distort and manipulate. With Benghazi, after all, Fox seems to think that after “hundreds of cable news stories about Benghazi, 13 Congressional hearings, 50 further Congressional briefings and 25,000 pages of official findings … that if we all only knew about it — we would care.” But the only thing that we’ve heard more about in the last year and a half, says Stewart, is maybe the Kardashians. Read more on Jon Stewart Napalms Fox & GOP For Selective Benghazi Outrage (Video)…
  the circus is back in town

Jeb Bush Thinks Maybe He Would Possibly Like To Lose GOP Nomination For President Please

In Our Great Nation’s short history, we have created many uniquely American traditions: Thanksgiving, Independence Day, Patriots’ Day, free refills on soda, and electing members of the Bush family to the White House. Jeb Bush, the Bush son who probably should have run for the office the first time around, because Jeb did not get C’s and has fewer reported drug or alcohol problems, purportedly announced that he was “thinking about running for president.” Which is not actually real news, because Bush already said that he was considering a bid for the presidency and he’d make up his mind at the end of 2014. But, let’s all pretend this is news, because everyone else is breathlessly speculating reporting on it and Yr Wonkette doesn’t want to be left out. Read more on Jeb Bush Thinks Maybe He Would Possibly Like To Lose GOP Nomination For President Please…
  women on the verge of a nervous breakdown

Peggy Noonan Conducts Seance, Or Perhaps Depraved Ether Binge, It’s Hard To Tell

Late on a stormy night, Sister Margaret Ellen Noonan wandered, brooding, along the long hallway she called the “Hall of Heroes” in her proper Republican pied-à-terre high above Manhattan. The portraits on the walls, oil paintings of dour old white men in three-piece suits, glowered at her. All the great Republicans were here: Reagan, of course, but also Ike and Coolidge and Teddy Roosevelt with his walrus moustache. Thunder crashed outside, and lightning flashing at the windows gave her heroes’ feral eyes a masculine cast. Oh, these were men, all right! Great men, colossi, who once strode the purple mountains majesty and the amber waves of grain! And where had they all gone, these great leaders? For Sister Margaret was troubled. Her precious Republican Party was now led by loudmouths and louts, grifters and gombeens. Hacks of weak character like John Boehner. Mulatto Canadians like Ted Cruz. And the two wings of the GOP represented by these two men, the proper Establishment and the rabid Tea Party, were at each other’s throats. Where was the person who could act as conciliator? Where was the unifying spirit? Read more on Peggy Noonan Conducts Seance, Or Perhaps Depraved Ether Binge, It’s Hard To Tell…
  what is your opinion of dying in a fire?

Republican Party’s Favorability Hits All-Time Low, Proving That We Must Repeal Obamacare

You see that picture up there, with the jaggedy lines? It’s a “graph,” and it shows that 28% of Americans have a favorable view of the Republican Party, according to Gallup. Maybe you think that’s pretty good, considering that the Republican party can barely hide their contempt for most of America, and also that they’re wrong about everything, plus or minus a thing (maybe, sometimes). But it’s actually any party’s worst poll result in the 20 years since Gallup first sounded the depths of America’s hatred for the people they repeatedly vote into office. While we don’t know for sure, there’s good circumstantial evidence that Republicans’ historically low favorability is related to their refusal to fund the government unless Democrats let them make Obamacare worse. Say… all this talk of polls and approval has made us wonder: How are people liking their death panels so far? Read more on Republican Party’s Favorability Hits All-Time Low, Proving That We Must Repeal Obamacare…
  #WomenAreRightToHateTheGOP

GOP Has One Word To Win Back All The Ladies: ‘Hashtags’

Oh, sweet Jesus H. Hopscotching Christ, the Republicans are at it again. They have a geenyus hashtag — it is #WomenAreRight, which is supposed to be really clever, we guess — so they can introduce their new, new, NEW lady outreach plan, called Project GROW (get it? grow? CLEVER!), and this time, this time, they are SO going to woo the ladyvoters and finally put that nasty little War on Women behind them. Seriously. See, after that humiliating historical gender gap in the 2012 election — when, like, practically every ladyvoter in America was all HELLS NO!!! to the party of legitimate rape and gift-from-God rape babies and shutting down Planned Parenthood and Ann Romney totes loving you women if only you’d wake up and stop being dumb broads and like her husband already — Republicans decided to have an honest-like-rape conversation with themselves. Should we maybe stop telling women to sit down, shut up, MEN ARE TALKING and will be doing all the decider-ing for the ladies, what have little ladybrains and obviously should not do their own thinking, because that seems to not be such a winning argument with the voters actually? They tried. They really, really did. Read more on GOP Has One Word To Win Back All The Ladies: ‘Hashtags’…
  of course he did yo

Michael Steele Caught Trying To Hide $7 Million In RNC Debt

RNC Treasurer Randy Pullen dropped a line to members of the party’s budget committee yesterday just to let them know Michael Steele has hidden about $7 million in debt from him lately. This made the RNC’s “war chest” (boobs) look bigger than usual, so this was a job well done by Mike. However, that is not exactly legal, so the party could face huge fines from the Federal Election Commission for doing this. Fun! Hope that $7 million in debt was spent on only the best lesbian sex shows! Read more on Michael Steele Caught Trying To Hide $7 Million In RNC Debt…
  rumors on the internets

Republican Brita Filter Unable To Purify Dirty Scott Brown

Next election, Joe Lieberman will run as a “good old-fashioned New England PLEASE RE-ELECT ME?” [Think Progress] Is Scott Brown “pure” enough to be a member of the Republican Party, the blue-blooded Teutons of American Values? Well, just for starters, his presumed heterosexualness hints at “nope.” [The Caucus] Read more on Republican Brita Filter Unable To Purify Dirty Scott Brown…
  yes we can

A Children’s Treasury Of Stories & Videos From Michael Steele’s Maryland Political Career

Congratulations to Michael Steele, who finally beat out that actual Confederate slaveowning plantation owner to become the first African-American President of the United States! Maybe we should celebrate with something fun, like a national WAR WITH IRAN, hmm? Well, even though we were *praying* for the old white guy — a member of a whites-only country club! — to come from behind and “steele” the black person’s victory at the last minute, we are “steele” satisfied with Michael “Steele.” Let’s “steele” away to our Wonkette Time Machine and revisit a hilarious chapter in state political history: Michael “Steele’s” brief and mostly unsuccessful political career in the important state of Maryland! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Stories & Videos From Michael Steele’s Maryland Political Career…
  america's greatest pundits

David Brooks Calls Sarah Palin An Awful Disease That Kills People

David Brooks is an actual MAD MAN! This is what he wrote last Friday in his farty little column: “Palin held up her end of an energetic debate that gave voters a direct look at two competing philosophies. She established debating parity with Joe Biden. And in a country that is furious with Washington, she presented herself as a radical alternative.” So in love! But now he’s 180ed again after realizing that the “radical alternative” she presented herself as was just a filthy malignant tumor — he called her “cancer,” ha ha ha, WHAT? Read more on David Brooks Calls Sarah Palin An Awful Disease That Kills People…
 

Colbert Can’t Afford to Be Republican

A source close to Stephen Colbert tells CNN that the Colbert Report host will file papers tonight or Thursday to get on the South Carolina Democratic primary ballot — but not the Republican one. Although his initial plan had been to run in both parties’ primaries, making the Republican ballot costs $35,000, while the Democratic ballot costs $2,000. (The cost must be causing massive anxiety inside the McCain camp). To hear Colbert’s commentary on this, tune into an all-new Colbert Report tonight at 11:30/10:30 ET on Comedy Central! Well, we assume. Read more on Colbert Can’t Afford to Be Republican…