Tag: republican party

Is Donald Trump Just F*cking OVER Running For President At This Point?

Maybe Trump is still in it to win it, but it sure doesn't look like it!
What do you people want from me? Leadership? Pffft.

Donald Trump Will Raise Money For Republicans Just As Soon As He Figures Out How That Benefits Him

Donald Trump doesn't see why he should hold fundraisers for the GOP anymore. What have they ever done for him?

Paul Ryan Campaigning With Donald Trump, But SHHHHHHHH, It’s Too Embarrassing!

They are going to the county fall fest in Wisconsin! They will eat cotton candy and get stuck on top of the ferris wheel together maybe!

Stupidest Man On Internet Apparently Gay, Still Stupid

In which we are kind to Jim Hoft, sort of.

Donald Trump And Paul Ryan, Will You Two Please Just Have Sex And Get It Over With?

There's a battle of halfwits going on right now, Donald Trump and the pinchable face cheeks of House Speaker Paul Ryan.

Fox News Idiots Wish Fox News Idiots Weren’t So Mad At Fox News Idiots Right Now

Oh no, there is trouble right here in River City, by which we mean at Fox News! And it's all about that Donald Trump boy. SOME PEOPLE at Fox News think he's the bees tits, whereas OTHERS think he...

Please Enjoy The Slow But Steady Unraveling Of David Brooks

We've been eagerly covering the complete mental disintegration of not one, but two, esteemed columnists at the paper of record lately. Both David Brooks, America's least intellectual public intellectual, and Ross Douthat, a freshman term paper on Opus Dei...

David Brooks Realizes He Is Terrible At His Job

Having found himself alone in a bar at closing time, with no Republican candidate even coyote ugly enough to drag his sad stumbling ass home, New York Times columnist David Brooks at long last admits defeat. His boyhood crush on...

Lindsey Graham To Hold Off On Murdering Sumbitch Ted Cruz For Now

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-The Genteel South) does not like Ted Cruz. Nobody likes Ted Cruz, of course, but Lindsey? He really don't like Ted Cruz. It's uncouth uncivilized Canadian Yankees like Cruz who've turned Graham's beloved Grand Old Party "batshit crazy." Here's...
lying liar who lies

Speaker Paul Ryan Still Displeased With Trump, Still Supporting Him Of Course

Speaker Paul Ryan is very serious about being a good speaker of the House. You know, the kind of speaker who doesn't let the nihilist wing of the Republican Party take the country hostage and shut down the government...
Basically Tim Pawlenty with slightly more experience. Whatever happened to T-Paw anyway?

John Kasich Can’t Win Nomination, Says That’s No Reason He Can’t Be Nominee

John Kasich has a cunning plan to be the next Republican presidential nominee. It goes a little something like this: use his "moderate" inside voice during debates, avoid discussing the size of Donald Trump's dick, and hope the Republican Party hands...
That's his "I'm going to pull over this car!" face.

Speaker Paul Ryan Will Swat Donald Trump On His Bottom For Being Naughty Racist

If there's one thing that makes Republicans say "Oh my stars!" and "Well I never!" it is racism. STOP LAUGHING, we are not done writing this lede yet. As we all know, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr....

Democrats Win GOP Debate

On Thursday, Donald Trump and four other guys spent two and a half hours saying a bunch of nonsense that was stupid, wrong, or both. That's what typically happens when Republicans open their mouths. Take Obamacare, for example, which they all...

Remember To Vote This November To Re-Elect Justice Scalia For President Of The Supreme Court

Check out the Republican Party, spreading a stinking pile of plucked-directly-from-their-buttcracks lies again. As per usual. This week's elephant dung is the myth that that The American People, not The American President Elected By The American People (TWICE!), have the God-given right to select justices...

Senate Republicans Quite Conflicted About Whether To Do Their Job

Oh, what an awkward spot of bother the Grand Old Party has found itself in. Again. Approximately one half second after the world learned of the sudden vacancy on the Supreme Court (and oh yeah, P.S., thoughts and prayers to Antonin...

Ted Cruz Wins Paternity Test For Heart Of Bristol Palin’s Second Deadbeat Baby Daddy

While the maggot-infested trash heap that is the Palin family is drunk-brawlin' for Trump, there's one almost-member of the clan who's got a taste for Canadian bacon: Today, the Cruz for President campaign announced the endorsement of Medal of Honor recipient and...