Wonkette

All we see is some old man with a big green screen behind him. *Hopefully* this isn’t what the McCain people decided would be a good idea, which it wouldn’t, for the second time. Oh God now the screen just got “smoky” green like death! Now it’s blue! Code Pink! COUNTRY FIRST. MORE »

That’s former Senator Bill Frist you see speaking on tonight’s redesigned RNC stage, with a lovely projection of the African plains at dusk as his backdrop. You know what else is a projection? The massive black cock on which he’s standing.

Here’s the four-minute biographical video of Sarah Palin that was supposed to air before her speech last night — had Rudy Giuliani not gone on smearing his rat shit an extra 900 hours more than planned. They should’ve shown this anyway. It seems like something made by actual, civil adults, as opposed to the airless Giuliani-Palin speech twofer that dried the skulls of anyone capable of constructive thought. [TPM Election Central]

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Our best friend Mittens Romney must be so relieved that the old coot called him with a “no” for veep this year. Who’d want to be on the losingest loser ticket ever, in 2008? Sarah Palin would, sooo… yeah. Anyway, let’s see what Mitt Romney has to say and his Kumming & Going in his famously magical underpants, in Minnesota. We bet that he’ll LIE a few times, hmm? MORE »

Someone asked for photographic evidence of all the emptiness happening at this wiener of a convention, so here you are. The upper and club level seats in this side of the arena — each of which has a very clear view of the stage — are not even half-full. For some perspective: we took this photo around 8 p.m. local time. If we had shown up at 8 p.m. local time looking for a seat at the Democratic convention, there would have been no seats or oxygen remaining anywhere for three hours already. It would have been an insult to God to show up at 8 p.m.! Denver was so awful like that, the people and the what not.

Did you see child embryo harvester loser Michele Bachmann speak, just now? She was looking pretty! Her speech was tragically boring, by Bachmann Standards, but she did say on CNN last night that Sarah Palin has more experience than “Barack Obama and Joe Biden combined.” Oh god now there is some young gal lip syncing on on the stage. Btw, look at those glass panels in front of the steps to the glossy stage. The steps are INACCESSIBLE and fraudulent, just like this whole thing, bah. AND STILL no one is here.

John McCain has no idea what kinds of hell he’s unleashed: “WASILLA, Alaska (AP) — Bristol Palin’s boyfriend plans to join the family of the Republican vice presidential candidate at the GOP convention. Levi Johnston’s mother said her 18-year-old son left Alaska on Tuesday morning to join the Palin family in St. Paul, Minn.” Levi Johnston must be loving this. He is, after all, the guy who wrote “Ya fuck with me I’ll kick [your] ass” on his MySpace page. He’s just gonna be cold fuckin’ bitches and pounding fuckin’ beers on the stage with John fuckin’ McCain, fuckin’ beatin’ up delegates and shit. [AP]

Sarah Palin will not be making an appearance at the RNC tonight, but why? Because you have to put Country First. Also: she’s a failure. [CBS2]

We’ve received hundreds of photos and Photoshops in the last few days about either Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin’s spawn, or comical people in the Twin Cities for the convention. Since your male associate editor rarely wakes before noon, he misses many of these, but he’ll try to post some of the better ones here. The above graphic, for example, is probably the best of the 20-30 different Juno knock-offs (or “knock-ups,” HAHAHA WHEE) currently killing time in our inbox. MORE »