December 9, 2013
republican national convention
It turns out everyone’s favorite closeted homosexual support group the Republican Party seems to have wanted Lady Gaga at last summer’s Republican National Convention far more than it wanted noted sleeping aid Mitt Romney there: according to the hilarious details of a lawsuit against one of the RNC vendors, Lady Gaga was offered one million [...]
Sorry you can’t be president Ron Paul! Also, sorry you didn’t win enough states (any states, the Virgin Islands is not a state) and thus couldn’t secure a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention! Also also, sorry they treated your delegates all mean and changed the delegate rules so you and people like you [...]
Some good news on this, the first real night of the Republican National Convention: The Baltimore Orioles are beating the Chicago White Sox 6-0 in the bottom of the 8th inning, (hopefully) allowing them to maintain the wild card lead for another night. There’s bad news too: It’s the first real night of the Republican [...]
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Mitt Romney’s wife, Egg, had a dancey horse that was so good at prancing and mincing, it was going to prance and mince in the Olympics even! And because Mitt Romney does not know how to be a human husband, he was all, “That is [...]
TAMPA — Three glasses of a lovely New Zealand sauvignon blanc, one stone-cold $12 club sandwich, one missed opportunity for a picture with none other than walking date-rape wanted-poster Brian Kilmeade, who walking-wanted-postered in past us while we were out smoking, and our phone was plugged in back at the bar. There is nothing to [...]
25. Paul Ryan will poop his pants while giving a speech, it will be hella embarrassing. 24. A Florida alligator will eat Marco Rubio and then go “we all saw this coming.” 23. Chris Christie will pour local seawater all over his tits. 22. An elephant will fly in from outer space and crash into [...]
Yargle bargle floop, word word word. LIMBAUGH: So we got a hurricane coming. The National Hurricane Center, which is a government agency, is very hopeful that the hurricane gets near Tampa. The National Hurricane Center is Obama. It’s the National Weather Service, part of the commerce department. It’s Obama.
Hi what’s this, that maybe-hurricane from yesterday is now probably an absolutely hurricane, which will hit Tampa Monday morning, and the city, which is run by total pussy Dems (see above), may cancel the Republican Convention! Stop laughing at the Republicans getting hit with two conventiocanes in a row, and start worrying about your Editrix, [...]
In addition to summoning forth dread hurricanes to (probably) destroy any Florida seniors accidentally left standing in the wake of Paul Ryan’s spending cuts, this year’s GOP convention will bring to Tampa (and viewers whose remote controls are just out of reach) a terribly droll spin on President Obama’s recent musings re: whether or not [...]
Everybody panic! Some dude at Examiner.com looked at a bunch of funny gifs of a maybe-hurricane and decided it might hit Tampa (and your Editrix!) just in time for the RNC! Where will we shelter from the possible storm? Probably a titty bar. But far more important than whether or not we (by which we [...]
HELLO FLORIDA. You have been so patient, waiting for the deets on our Republican National Convention Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup in Tampa! Will there be beer, and fried things, and ladies in skimpy tops? Yes, yes, and it could happen! Will there be Republicans, and media ‘lites, and you, the brave and loyal Wonker? [...]
Ooops. Yet another casualty of ALEC’s constant hard-on for making sure you can sodomize yourself with your semi-automatic weapon is Tampa, Florida’s effort to ban guns from the site of the GOP convention in August. NO NOT ALLOWED. DON’T TREAD ON ME, & CETERA.
The 2012 Republican National Convention is going to be held in Tampa Bay! That must be the first nominating convention to ever be held underwater. Will Trig be attacked by sharks? Probably. But more importantly, the logo of the host committee for the event features a minaret, the Muslin version of a Twin Tower. Minarets [...]
All we see is some old man with a big green screen behind him. *Hopefully* this isn’t what the McCain people decided would be a good idea, which it wouldn’t, for the second time. Oh God now the screen just got “smoky” green like death! Now it’s blue! Code Pink! COUNTRY FIRST.