Tag Archives: republican national committee

  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: RNC and Hategroup AFA Might Not Heart Israel After All

He'd be easier to find if he wore a striped sweater
Rachel Maddow closed Wednesday’s show with an update to the story that got rightwing religious wacakloon Bryan Fischer fired (or at least demoted) from his job as spokesman for the American Family Association. You see, the AFA was paying for some 60 members of the Republican National Committee, including its chairman, Reince Priebus, to take a free trip to Israel, because fundagelicals just love Israel so much, what with it being an essential component of the End Times. Read more on Morning Maddow: RNC and Hategroup AFA Might Not Heart Israel After All…
  Where's Gen. Sherman When We Need Him?

Georgia Senate Demands A.P. History Only Teach About Shiny, Happy America

George Washington crossing the Red River
The Georgia Senate is considering a resolution condemning changes to the Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) test, because they’re worried the new framework doesn’t adequately teach high schoolers how wonderful America is. Georgia is only the latest of several states to have itself a nice freakout over the College Board’s new APUSH framework since the Republican National Committee complained last August that it presented a “consistently negative view of American history.” Read more on Georgia Senate Demands A.P. History Only Teach About Shiny, Happy America…
  Only Half As Stupid As He Sounds

Ben Carson Says ISIS Pretty Much Like American Founders, Except Maybe For The Wigs

You know who ELSE called some terrorists the moral equivalent of the founding fathers?
Speaking at the Republican National Committee’s winter meeting Thursday, Ben “I Am TOO A Serious Contender” Carson did one of those “Ben Carson says something crazy” things that we know and love so well, comparing the terrorists of ISIS to America’s Founding Fathers. But don’t you go thinking he’s nuts or anything, because he is not. Read more on Ben Carson Says ISIS Pretty Much Like American Founders, Except Maybe For The Wigs…
  One nation under white Jesus

Michigan RNC Guy Posting Stormfront Stuff On His Facebook Basically, Why Not

Party like it's 1859
Did you spend even one moment of New Year’s Eve wondering if old friend and RNC Committeeman Dave Agema was enjoying himself? Because while you were getting dressed in anticipation of being asphyxiated by glitter and vomiting champagne cocktails out of a taxi window, Agema enlightened himself with a ball-drop of opinions on why black people crime. Read more on Michigan RNC Guy Posting Stormfront Stuff On His Facebook Basically, Why Not…
  Here have some news n stuff

GOP Looks To The Future, Thinks It Over, Sells Reagan/Bush T-Shirts Instead

So fashion forward!
Republicans are SO going to take back the White House in 2016 from those evil Democrats who’ve been in control of everything for the last 30 years, THANKS OBAMA. And they’ll do it with cutting-edge technology and 21st century ideas. What, why are you laughing? Read more on GOP Looks To The Future, Thinks It Over, Sells Reagan/Bush T-Shirts Instead…
  Here have some news n stuff

Not Ready For Hillary? Too Bad, Facebook Already Made Her President

The winner already apparently
In case you didn’t get the memo, it is already 2016. It is soooooo already 2016. In fact, Facebook is already projecting the winner of the next presidential election, so everyone else who’s just getting started on teasing about hinting about exploring the idea of thinking about announcing a run for the White House can just pack up and go home because it’s already over. According to ABC News, this BREAKING! EXCLUSIVE!!! information shows that — hang on to your hats, folks, this is big — Hillary Clinton has more likes and interactions on Facebook than any of those Republican also-rans, so we can pretty much call it a day and start practicing saying Madam President.Guess it’s pretty convenient we didn’t even have to bother voting, huh? Read more on Not Ready For Hillary? Too Bad, Facebook Already Made Her President…
  onward to victory

GOP Has Binder Full Of Jews To Communicate With New Hip Kids These Days

The Republican rebranding continues to suck more than ever, but at least we can be assured of one area where the GOP is making a comeback: Communications. Specifically, in training new communications staffers for campaigns and harnessing social media to get the conservative message out directly to voters, bypassing traditional media the way the Obama campaign did in 2008 and 2012. Of course, Obama was aided by the fact that the policies he was pushing were not a bunch of retrograde, xenophobic, revanchist bullshit clipped from old John Birch Society newsletters and gussied up with a metaphorical new coat of paint and some spackle. But maybe giving themselves an A for effort in 2016 will be a balm to soothe the butthurt while watching Hillary Clinton give her inaugural address, right? (SPOILER ALERT: No.) Read more on GOP Has Binder Full Of Jews To Communicate With New Hip Kids These Days…
  They're also FOR being against everything

Republicans Rebranding Again (Again), This Time As Party Of ‘Ideas’ LOL

It just might work this time
Since it has been almost five whole minutes since the Republican Party tried again to rebrand itself again unsuccessfully again (turns out stock photos can’t vote; who knew?), there’s a new new super extra new plan to convince voters the Republican Party does not suck. We’re hoping it doesn’t fail until we at least finish writing about it. Read more on Republicans Rebranding Again (Again), This Time As Party Of ‘Ideas’ LOL…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
Touch of context for those who are new to this series: a Wonkette commenter named Fartknocker ponied up the cash for us to get a subscription to Sarah Palin’s Internet Teevee Channel. The aim of this series is to allow the Wonketariat to snicker at Palin’s new thingy without ever exposing yrselves to the harmful gamma radiation emitted by the Sarah Palin Channel. You are welcome. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Home-Cooked, Hand-Clubbed Fish Dinner…
  things that go bump in the night

Conservatives Cranking Terror Alert Level Up To OMG! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!

Wonketteers, we do not wish to alarm you about the threat from ISIS, but you should be SHITTING YOUR PANTS IN TERROR BECAUSE THEY ARE COMING FOR YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVERY LOVED. Or at least that seems to be the conservative talking point for the week after the tragic beheading of photojournalist James Foley by militants in Syria. Which is not to play down the insanity of ISIS at all; it is a vicious bunch of assholes. (Even Peggy Noonan was appropriately clear-eyed about the group in today’s column – pants-shitting terror has a way of sobering up even the most wasted of drunks.) But still, some of this might be a bit excessive. Read more on Conservatives Cranking Terror Alert Level Up To OMG! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!…
  remember fast and furry-ous!

Meet The RNC’s Unstoppable Hillary-Destroying FRENCH Squirrel Of Principled Free Market Opposition To Keynesian Theory (Updated!)

This nugget of 2016 Campaign Intelligence from Patrick Caldwell at Mother Jones tells us that the race is getting serious: The Republicans have deployed their first Furry against the still-not-official campaign of Hillary Clinton. Named “HRC Squirrel,” the mascot tells you at a glance everything you need to know about the threat Hillz poses to the American way of life, because like the former Secretary of State, squirrels are… they… you just associate them with…??? Oh, right, you have to read the T shirt, which says “Another Clinton in the White House is Nuts.” Oh, that’s quite clever. Because squirrels eat nuts. We get it! Read more on Meet The RNC’s Unstoppable Hillary-Destroying FRENCH Squirrel Of Principled Free Market Opposition To Keynesian Theory (Updated!)…
  where to travel in 2016

Republicans Close To Deciding Which Character-Free Hellhole Of A City They Will Invade In 2016

The Republican National Committee is busy narrowing down the list of potential host cities for its 2016 convention. Last week the list dropped by two, with Cincinnati and Las Vegas dropping their bids; Cincinnati because, well, Cincinnati, and Vegas for a whole host of reasons. Needless to say, yr Wonkette was devastated by Vegas’s decision. We were giddy – GIDDY – at the thought of a) the entire Wonkette writing staff covering the convention in person and b) all those wingnut dipwads showing up on the convention floor hung over, pockets having been emptied by every roulette wheel, blackjack table and high-priced call girl from one end of the Strip to the other. All the potential scandals for delegates and candidates to get caught up in … dear Lord, we ask You for so, so little… Let’s take a look at the four cities left in the running, along with their pros and cons. Read more on Republicans Close To Deciding Which Character-Free Hellhole Of A City They Will Invade In 2016…
  apocalypse soonish

GOP Candidates For President In 2016 Already Getting A Jump On Looking Like Ignorant Mullet-Heads

Maybe the Republican National Committee should consider sending all its party’s presidential candidates on a round-the-world cruise for the next two years so they can’t spend that time saying stupid shit on television and turning off the American public. Take Marco Rubio. Over the weekend he senator from the great insane state of Florida gave an interview to Jonathan Karl for ABC’s This Week, where Our Man in Havana asserted that, scientists be damned, this global climate change thingy you hear about is a myth. I don’t agree with the notion that some are putting out there — including scientists — that somehow, there are actions we can take today that would actually have an impact on what’s happening in our climate. Our climate is always changing. And what they have chosen to do is take a handful of decades of research, and say that this is now evidence of a longer-term trend that’s directly and almost solely attributable to manmade activity. We’re pretty sure that a trend you can see over decades of research is still a trend, even if it’s only a tiny handful of decades. But what does Marco care, just because the largest city in his insane state is at risk of disappearing under rising seas? Science is just a theory anyway. Marco also said he is opposed to all the climate-change-mitigating laws that anyone might want to pass because they will do nothing but wreck our vibrant economy. This will be a great comfort to our descendants as they row across what was once the San Fernando Valley to put some waterlogged dollars in the collection plate at Marco Rubio’s Floating Palace of Jesus Magic. Read more on GOP Candidates For President In 2016 Already Getting A Jump On Looking Like Ignorant Mullet-Heads…
  all up in the people's business

Why Won’t N.H. Senator Jeanne Shaheen Not Do Her Job, Like That Dreamy Scott Brown?

Well here’s a new one, maybe. We’re all familiar with the old “Rose Garden” strategy, where a sitting president drives his or her (hahahaha “her”) opponent nuts by just staying in Washington and not giving the opponent anything to swat at other than the president not coming out to play. But now the Republican National Committee is complaining that Jeanne Shaheen is staying in Washington and doing Senate stuff instead of campaigning in New Hampshire — never mind that the GOP doesn’t even have a candidate yet. What’s she afraid of? Scott Brown’s nipples? Read more on Why Won’t N.H. Senator Jeanne Shaheen Not Do Her Job, Like That Dreamy Scott Brown?…
  Core Principles

GOP Aims To Expand Base With Key Wealthy Overseas-Tax-Cheat Demographic

“We need to do a better job of appealing to women, minorities, and young people,” said every self-aware Republican after Mitt Romney and a bunch of other 2012 GOP candidates fed themselves feet first into the great wood-chipper of American Democracy. From “self-deport” to “binders full of women” to “who let the dogs out?”* with a big assist from “legitimate rape,” “very little tolerance” for students worried about their loans, voter suppression, and trans-vaginal ultrasounds (“legitimate rape”), Republicans running for office in 2012 alienated and mortified key constituencies in word and deed. But they learned their lesson! At the RNC’s winter meeting, the party “is expected to approve a resolution […] calling for repeal of an Obama administration law that is designed to crack down on offshore tax dodging,” reports Reuters. And probably something about women, minorities, and young people too, right? Sure, whatever. No. Read more on GOP Aims To Expand Base With Key Wealthy Overseas-Tax-Cheat Demographic…
  Do you like movies about gladiators getting health care?

Republican Says It’s ‘Immoral’ To Give Health Care To Gays Because Then They Use It Like A Bunch of Gays Using Health Care

Don’t you just hate when The Gays try to use health care like they’re some kind of people who need health care? Michigan’s former state Rep. Dave Agema sure does. Who is this blowhole? Oh, just a derpsman for the Republican National Committee and also a former pilot, which makes him an automatic The Gays expert somehow because of Stuff He Saw when he was piloting or something, we don’t know how exactly but shut up, that’s not the point, he just knows, okay? Damn those sneaky gays, with their wanting gay wedding cakes (or, as some of us call them, wedding cakes) and their gay marriage (i.e., marriage) and gay health care (aka health care). “Folks, they (gay people) want free medical because they’re dying (when they’re) between 30 and 44 years old,” he said. “To me, it’s a moral issue. It’s a Biblical issue. Traditional marriage is where it should be and it’s in our platform. Those in our party who oppose traditional marriage are wrong.” “I stand for traditional marriage, no homosexual ones,” he told the group. “The family unit is the basic unit in society. When you tear the family apart, you tear the country apart.” Yeah, it’s a real undermining of the sanctity of profiting off the sick and dying when gays can just go around wanting free medical care. You know who else does that? Oh, everyone, even the non-gay everyones. But, see, it is against the Bible and traditional marriage when the gays want health care because Jesus said … oh, nuts, there we go again, not finding the part of the Bible where Jesus said do not give health care to the gays because they are gay, ew gross, icky. Read more on Republican Says It’s ‘Immoral’ To Give Health Care To Gays Because Then They Use It Like A Bunch of Gays Using Health Care…
  absent black dads

RNC Committeeman Dave Agema: Hey Y’All Know If This Onion Story About ‘Bama’s Slow Sad Son Is True?

Republican National Committeeman and former Michigan state representative Dave Agema is a swell guy. He once, in the midst of a state budget showdown, skipped some key votes so he could hunt sheep in Russia. (True fact: The sheep were afraid, but not of getting shot!) Another time, he complained taxpayers were spending too much on clothes for orphans. And still another time, Agema, who clearly enjoys soft-focus photography and fresh-cut flowers but hates Muslims, said Barack Obama must be a Muslim because Dave Agema just feels like that’s the case. He also likes it when riot police injure American citizens. Naturally, Michigan Republicans rewarded such sound political leadership by electing Agema to serve as a Republican National Committeeman. Because of course they did. Dave Agema isn’t done riding the crazy train just because he is now responsible for the operations of one of our republic’s two major political parties. Not by a long-shot. Wednesday afternoon he tweeted out a question that has been on his mind lately: Is that story in The Onion about Obama having a secret 19-year-old son true? Read more on RNC Committeeman Dave Agema: Hey Y’All Know If This Onion Story About ‘Bama’s Slow Sad Son Is True?…
  duh

This Time, It Is U.S. President Barack Obama Who Is The Muslim Terrorist, Obviously

Why let Michele Bachmann and Louie Gohmert have all the fun? And why keep the accusations of Muslim terrorism to lowly Hillary Clinton State Department deputies, when you could set your eyes on the real prize? And that is why a Republican National Committeeman from Michigan would like you to know that Barack Hussein Obama, pretender to the presidency of the United States of America, is a Muslim terrorist also too. Read more on This Time, It Is U.S. President Barack Obama Who Is The Muslim Terrorist, Obviously…
  black like me

Republican National Committee Co-Chair Thinks All Black Officials Are The Same

We suspect that Republican National Committee Co-Chair Sharon Day was trying to be inclusive and welcoming to African Americans in announcing that the party would be launching a “black outreach” program and then saying this: “We highlight our elected officials so people understand that we do have Republicans that are elected that are black,” said RNC co-chair Sharon Day, the committee’s coalitions director. “I don’t care if they are a mosquito sprayer or a dog catcher in Arizona, or [Florida Lt. Gov.] Jennifer Carroll or Allen West.” That is sort of a weird way of putting it, right? Because it sort of sounds like she is saying Allen West is the same as a mosquito sprayer or dogcatcher, whatever, any token will do in a pinch? Hahaha, even when Republicans are TRYING not to be huge Darbyshirian assholes, they open their mouths and this antebellum caca dribbles down over their chins, the poor dears. Read more on Republican National Committee Co-Chair Thinks All Black Officials Are The Same…
  definitely the first one right?

Would You Rather Look At a Scary Graph or Watch Barack Obama Sing?

You are so right, Republican National Committee attack ad, it is very bizarre that Barack Obama is busy singing while an overlay graphic indicates that gas prices continue to — oh wait, there he goes with that “come on,” right on cue! And so on pitch! Oh god that is a good song. Why don’t they write songs like that anymore? Did you hear that Mick Jagger endorsed Barack Obama for Queen of England, based on this performance? Oh crap, the video is already over. Uh, wait, so what happened with gas prices? Read more on Would You Rather Look At a Scary Graph or Watch Barack Obama Sing?…
  but your lovin' don't pay my bills

Haley Barbour Will Buy the Republican Party, With Money

Oh, sad face, did you know that the Republican National Committee, which solely exists to raise money for Republican candidates, has no money? It had money at one point, we suppose, but somehow it let it all slip through its fingers, or maybe nobody was giving new money to it because Republicans don’t like giving money to black people like Michael Steele. Remember, even for the committee’s core expenditures, like lesbian bondage clubs, they needed some donor to front them the money, which they promised to totally pay back! Does this mean that the Republicans will lose big in November, because they have no money? Probably not! Read more on Haley Barbour Will Buy the Republican Party, With Money…