republican national committee

ABSENT BLACK DADS  3:00 pm February 14, 2013

RNC Committeeman Dave Agema: Hey Y’All Know If This Onion Story About ‘Bama’s Slow Sad Son Is True?

by Jeff Wattrick

Republican National Committeeman and former Michigan state representative Dave Agema is a swell guy. He once, in the midst of a state budget showdown, skipped some key votes so he could hunt sheep in Russia. (True fact: The sheep were afraid, but not of getting shot!) Another time, he complained taxpayers were spending too much [...]

DUH  3:45 pm July 20, 2012

This Time, It Is U.S. President Barack Obama Who Is The Muslim Terrorist, Obviously

by Jeff Wattrick

Why let Michele Bachmann and Louie Gohmert have all the fun? And why keep the accusations of Muslim terrorism to lowly Hillary Clinton State Department deputies, when you could set your eyes on the real prize? And that is why a Republican National Committeeman from Michigan would like you to know that Barack Hussein Obama, [...]

BLACK LIKE ME  2:05 pm April 24, 2012

Republican National Committee Co-Chair Thinks All Black Officials Are The Same

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We suspect that Republican National Committee Co-Chair Sharon Day was trying to be inclusive and welcoming to African Americans in announcing that the party would be launching a “black outreach” program and then saying this: “We highlight our elected officials so people understand that we do have Republicans that are elected that are black,” said [...]

DEFINITELY THE FIRST ONE RIGHT?  4:58 pm February 24, 2012

Would You Rather Look At a Scary Graph or Watch Barack Obama Sing?

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

You are so right, Republican National Committee attack ad, it is very bizarre that Barack Obama is busy singing while an overlay graphic indicates that gas prices continue to — oh wait, there he goes with that “come on,” right on cue! And so on pitch! Oh god that is a good song. Why don’t [...]

AS USUAL  3:30 pm February 15, 2012

Republicans Just So Sick of Obama Campaign’s Racism Against Latinos

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

What is wrong with Barack Obama campaign manager Jim Messina, that he thinks Latinos are all about chimichangas? Latinos are all about TACOS, you moron. How racially insensitive can this guy possibly be? Let’s check Messina’s original comment for further outrage!

BUT YOUR LOVIN' DON'T PAY MY BILLS  10:53 am September 3, 2010

Haley Barbour Will Buy the Republican Party, With Money

by Josh Fruhlinger

Oh, sad face, did you know that the Republican National Committee, which solely exists to raise money for Republican candidates, has no money? It had money at one point, we suppose, but somehow it let it all slip through its fingers, or maybe nobody was giving new money to it because Republicans don’t like giving [...]

QUITTERS  9:49 am March 30, 2009

Nobody Wants To Work At RNC Anymore

by Sara K. Smith

Not too long ago, some of the most coveted jobs in Washington lay in the Republican National Committee. Its employees went to work at noon, were fed peeled grapes by strapping young men in American flag-themed loincloths, dined on baby whale-steaks with the world’s most creative and decadent war criminals, and then rode home on [...]

OK GOOD LUCK WITH THAT  12:45 pm February 19, 2009

Michael Steele To Reinvent GOP With Hip-Hop And Youthiness

by Sara K. Smith

GOP Chairman Michael Steele is proving to be pretty goddamn tiresome already and he has been running the party for what, minus five minutes? After explaining to George Stephanopoulos how “jobs” are different from “work,” he then gave this big long interview with the Washington Times that was likewise so jam-packed with mockable bullshit that [...]

A ROMANTIC MESSAGE FROM YOUR REPUBLICAN LOVER  11:56 am February 13, 2009

Romantic RNC Valentines Make Triumphant Return

by Sara K. Smith

Last year the Republican National Committee redefined humor forever with their amazing Valentine’s Day cards. These cards showcased Democratic sexpots Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton imploring voters to have sex with them, constantly, and also raise taxes. This year, they have taken things one step further and devolved into full-on pornography. Come and look! Look [...]

RITES OF PASSAGE  1:09 pm January 7, 2009

by Sara K. Smith

KNOWN LIBERAL TEEVEE STATION ‘C-SPAN’ BARRED FROM GOP PROCEEDINGS: According to a well-placed secret source, the “RNC voted to close today’s discussion with the candidates vying to be their new chairman. No cameras allowed, so C-SPAN will not be able to cover.” The American people deserve to know what sordid pagan pansexual fisting orgies the [...]

WORST JOB IN AMERICA  11:30 am January 5, 2009

Furious Battle Over Which Loser Gets To Run RNC

by Sara K. Smith

Once upon a time there was an organization called the Republican National Committee, which was run by competent people like Ed Gillespie and Ken Mehlman. They helped win elections and stuff, until 2006, when Republicans suddenly stopped winning anything. Since then, a succession of nobodies at the RNC have helped make the party into the [...]

JOBS NOBODY WANTS  9:45 am December 17, 2008

Former Ohio Secretary Of State Running For RNC

by Sara K. Smith

Robert Kennedy Jr. will attest that Ken Blackwell is the literal reincarnation of Beelzebub, who rode a steaming sleigh of entrails from the bowels of Hell to Ohio in order to help George W. Bush steal the election of 2004. This makes him a perfect candidate to run the Republican National Committee as it faces [...]


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