Here is a bold Internet prediction: the newly off-the-market bronze Floridian frat-mammal Charlie Crist will make a run for the presidency next go-round. After all the work he put into his failed quest for the Republican VP nod this year — everything from endorsing the reanimated corpse of John McCain to asking a lady for her hand in marriage — nobody would have been shocked if he had just quit politics altogether once the odious Sarah Palin stole his spot. But his decision to forge ahead, putting his bachelor life behind him and doing something nice for the Everglades, means just one thing: he plans to position himself as the safe, non-religious-wingnut, environmentally reasonable Republican alternative for 2012. MORE »

• McCAIN WINS MISSOURI: Not that it matters, but he won it, so there’s that! Won it by a hair under 6,000 votes. [MSNBC]

John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes in nothing but the counsel of lobbyists, his right to massive wealth and his elite military bloodlines. This is why every Republican leader in Michigan — including the dead moderate ghost of Gerald Ford — has gone public with their deep hatred of John McCain, the horrible old fraud. MORE »

Why is gay Senator Larry Craig always getting arrested in public restrooms? Because he’s the Idaho Bathroom Goblin, that’s why! Also, as this picture proves, it’s because he has no Internet friends. So sad. [Official Profile: Sen. Larry E. Craig]

Hey look, it’s teevee’s Joe Scarborough! Wonkette operative Lauren Selsky has all these pictures and words from the very center of the Republican Universe, at least for the next two hours. MORE »

The great GOP battle known as “Nut vs. Nut” may finally resolve with the more-famous nut (serial adulterer/abortionist Rudy Giuliani) losing to the renegade Texas nut, Dr. Ron Paul. MORE »

Here’s once-fearsome heavyweight champion George Foreman figuring out a way to get free television advertising on FOX for his miraculous fat-burning grill: Answer questions about suddenly successful former-fatso Mike Huckabee! We’ve sent our own videographer Liz Glover to find out if Huckabee actually owns a Foreman Grill and if he indeed used it to “knock out the fat.” Stay tuned, refresh constantly, etc.

Today, Jim McCrery of Louisiana became the 17th Republican in the House to announce that he’s not running for re-election. McCrery is the head Republican on the Ways and Means Committee and is reportedly depressed that he can’t make its Chair, Charlie Rangel, see his point of view. In a completely unrelated note, McCrery has been dogged with rumors of bisexuality at least since 1992, when The Advocate published its exposé about his rumored bisexuality. Of course, he also says wants to spend more time with his family. [CQ Politics, The Advocate via BlogActive]

In 2003, Jeffrey Ray Nielsen here was arrested in California for having sex with a 14 year-old boy he met online when he was 33. Of course, he met him online when he was employed at a prominent law firm that agreed to hire him as a favor to the current head of the Orange County Republican Party, Scott Baugh. Yes, that’s right, it’s time for another Republican child sex scandal!

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Florida Today’s brilliant liveblogging of the Bob Allen penis trial continues with day three of hilarious “he said/he said” (h/t Larry Craig) misunderstandings. The trial is expected to go all aftern–

Oh wait! The trial won’t resume until tomorrow morning, because they’re taking a field trip to the hot dog factory itself. MORE »

A new irono-t-shirt, modeled by some “Christian” hottie here, bears the slogan “I Love Jesus (but I do drink a little).” Well Jesus doesn’t love you, Ms. Heathen Devil Drinking QUASI-HUMAN! If you really care for the famous wizard-carpenter, the shirt would read “I Love Jesus (but I do have secret gay affairs with minors while being Republican).”

I Love Jesus (but I do drink a little) [Storyville]