Tag Archives: reproductive rights

  happy holidays!

Nation Celebrates Roe v. Wade Birthday With Scary Videos, Hypocrisy, Balloons

Libruls really hit the holiday jackpot this week! First, we had Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and Inauguration Day at the same time, which appropriately coincided with the made-up Fox News holiday, “Sadness Day” (a holiday Olds celebrate by eating burnt pot roast and scowling at Wheel of Fortune). But the fun did not stop there! Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, which is a Supreme Court decision that lots of people have heard of, yet as the New York Times points out, remains a mystery among the vast majority of America’s tween population, who recognize abortion as that thing that will get an episode of their favorite Canadian teen drama series banned on Nickelodeon. Read more on Nation Celebrates Roe v. Wade Birthday With Scary Videos, Hypocrisy, Balloons…
  we just we can't

Rush Limbaugh Would Like Some Attention Please, Also To Shoot Women/Fetuses With Guns

Taking umbrage at the words that fall from Rush Limbaugh’s blubbery lips like so many wriggling maggots is a fool’s game. He lives for us to take umbrage. (This is also why we hardly ever let you know about, say, Ann Coulter’s latest bons mots about how black people all are murdery. That, and we frankly don’t like what happens to our gentle commenters when we throw Coulter Meat at them.) But what is Rush Limbaugh on about now? You know how to stop abortion? Require that each one occur with a gun. Oh. Okay. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Would Like Some Attention Please, Also To Shoot Women/Fetuses With Guns…
  heads i win tails you lose

Yes Virginia, You Elected These Idiot GOP Legislators

There is some sort of legislative kerfuffle happening in Virginia right now and we are trying to care because the Editrix said we had to! Anonymous aide at the Virginia Legislature, what weird terrible thing is happening with your GOP peoples this week? Apparently the GOP was trying to keep abortion bargains all seeekrit, but it is not working thanks to you, anonymous Democratic aide! Read more on Yes Virginia, You Elected These Idiot GOP Legislators…
  has a standing reservation at the abortionplex

Pro-Life Tennessee Congressman Just Having All The Abortions So No One Else Has To

Remember Scott DesJarlais? Of course you do. He is the “pro-life congressman” who whined at (one of) his (many) mistress(es) to have an abortion — while recording the telephone call in which he pressured her (with his whining)? Well, now it appears the “consistently pro-life congressman” — who just won re-election — supported his wife in having two of them! It sounds to us like maybe Tennessee could fund Planned Parenthood a little better, so as poor, uneducated people like the doctor and his wife could get on birth control instead of murdering precious babies for fun! Read more on Pro-Life Tennessee Congressman Just Having All The Abortions So No One Else Has To…
  he's sorry if any of you crazy bitches took offense

On Behalf Of Fellow Women Everywhere, John McCain Accepts Richard Mourdock’s Rapebortion ‘Apology’

Richard Mourdock has “apologized” (no he hasn’t) for saying rape is Jesus’s special way of giving you something productive to do for the next 18 years instead of whoring around on Saturday nights like common trollops, and on behalf of us all, John McCain has graciously accepted his “apology”! So it’s cool you guys, John McCain says it’s cool. Ladies, put down your bras and pitchforks and go back to crowing over the corpse of your mortal enemy CNN. But is there anything … odd … about this “apology” and McCain’s acceptance of it on behalf of us all? Well why on earth would you think that? Read more on On Behalf Of Fellow Women Everywhere, John McCain Accepts Richard Mourdock’s Rapebortion ‘Apology’…
  wanna be abortin' somethin'

Ghost Michael Jackson’s Abortion Jamz

MJ fans! Rejoice! The 25th Anniversary remaster of Bad came out on Tuesday, and it is AWESOME. Remastered, digitally perfect versions of songs like Bad, The Way You Make Me Feel, Smooth Criminal…and eight previously unreleased tracks including Song Groove! Oh, excuse me, I should probably refer to that track by its real name: Abortion Papers. Yes, ladies and gents (mainly ladies), Michael Jackson made a song about a young lady having an abortion. Was he for or against it, you ask? Well, he made a song about being a badass street fighter; The Way You Make Me Feel, judging by its video, was about stalking a woman through a filthy alley (but don’t worry, Take Back the Nighters, she liked it?); and Smooth Criminal evinced an obsessive concern about a girl named Annie. Dirty Diana was all about judging a lady for being a whore. So, yeah, this is pretty much a Planned Parenthood theme song. Read more on Ghost Michael Jackson’s Abortion Jamz…
 

Zombie Breitbart Now, Somehow, Perturbed By The Word “Slut”

Let us all pause for a moment and listen closely, so as not to miss the quiet but familiar noise of another political argument going over Dana Loesch’s head. Loesch, Breitbart.com’s leader in the War On The War On Women, has (surprise!) a bone to pick with you, Feminidiots. She heard some of you at the DNC were selling “SLUTS VOTE” buttons to reference to when Rush Limbaugh went all crazy on Sandra Fluke and called her all those names, and she would like you to know that WHOA GUYS, THAT IS NOT COOL. Read more on Zombie Breitbart Now, Somehow, Perturbed By The Word “Slut”…
  will this be our last todd akin post?

Phyllis Schlafly And Bryan Fischer Pretty Much Think Todd Akin Is Jesus

Perfidious cockbucket Todd Akin received enthusiastic support Tuesday from noted insane persons Phyllis Schlafly and Bryan Fischer. Remarkably, this is not expected to hurt his chances for election to the US Senate. Reaching previously unplumbed depths of either cluelessness or chicanery — even for her — Ms. Schlafly carefully explained that Akin was not in favor of rape, a position that literally no one on the planet has claimed he was taking: “He’s not for rape. That’s ridiculous,” said Schlafly, founder of the Eagle Forum. “They’re making a big thing about an unfortunate remark.” Schlafly also believes that there is no such thing as marital rape, and that feminists simply made up the concept to hurt men in divorce and child custody cases, a position which is shared by alleged human being Todd Akin. Read more on Phyllis Schlafly And Bryan Fischer Pretty Much Think Todd Akin Is Jesus…
  Oh no. Not again

Akin Clarifies Clarification: Women Just Constantly Lie About Rape All The Time

Serial fact-raper Todd Akin (R-R’lyeh) has decided, what the hell, since he’s clarifying things, he might as well just clarify a little more. After telling Mike Huckabee that he’s definitely still running for the Senate, and after appearing to momentarily acknowledge biological facts, Akin has now doubled down on the crazy, insisting in an interview with Dana Loesch that, actually yeah, his original claim about ladies and rape was pretty much right, maybe, except he meant “forcible,” not “legitimate” and that what he really meant to say is that ladies just plain lie about being raped so they can get them some sweet public abortion dollars. He also denies ever implying that he said that rapists were legitimate, which is good, because literally NOBODY thought he said that. Akin also appeared to backtrack on his earlier “apology,” referring to the thoroughly discredited opinions of Dr. John C. Willke, who first popularized the notion that ladyparts magically prevent pregnancy in a rape: Read more on Akin Clarifies Clarification: Women Just Constantly Lie About Rape All The Time…
  because Mississippi

Mississippi Continues Valiant Effort to Save Women From Selves

Good news everyone! In spite of the best efforts of Mississippi’s state legislature and its governor, Mississippi’s only abortion clinic is still plugging along and open for business. This means there’s still lots of fun to be had trying to close it! If you have not been following the story of the Little Abortion Clinic That Could, your Wonkette will fill you in on the details. Back in April, the Governor of Mississippi (who you may also remember as co-chairing the state’s personhood ballot measure) recently signed House Bill 1390 which required doctors at the abortion clinic to have admitting privileges to local hospitals. This proved more difficult than one might think, given that the hospitals were disinterested in giving admitting privilege to said doctors since they are flown in from out of state. This would have effectively made abortions illegal in the state of Mississippi, except a Federal court judge temporarily blocked the law.  But don’t worry, throngs of people are still braving temperatures in the 90s to amass outside of the clinic and yell at rape victims and underaged girls in hopes of freeing them of the weight of their own decision-making! Read more on Mississippi Continues Valiant Effort to Save Women From Selves…
  sara can you hear me?

Sara Benincasa Fights For Vagina Rights At Fiesta In NYC Tonight

Oh, hello, beasts of burden. Remember me? I’m good ol’ Sara Benincasa, your friend from the days of a kkkolumn called Barry Can You Hear Me? Well now I am Back, hahaha, and more terrible than ever. So terrible, in fact, that tonight I am hosting a party for the feared chieftainesses of wimmin’s lib right here in New York City, a place where I am and maybe you are as well! It is called The 5th Annual Roe on the Rocks Benefit for Planned Parenthood of NYC, and it is going to be so very much fun. Anyhoozles, I am very nervous about this rock and roll show because I want to do a very good job and make the feminists laff in the midst of our current collective Vale of Tears. Basically, I am Bob Hope and we are at War against the people who are at War on Womynz, so I will wear a suit and talk into an old-fashioned microphone and bring up a ditzy, zazzy pin-up gal to rally the troops, and the troops will drink champagne and laugh about old tymes and then ask each other why it is, exactly, that in 2012 elected, educated, adult human officials believe “birth control” is something made by witches with mortar and pestle under a waxing moon during the Rutting Season. You could be there! You SHOULD be there! Read more on Sara Benincasa Fights For Vagina Rights At Fiesta In NYC Tonight…
  mcabortion

Obamacare Will Offer $1 Abortions, Say Crazy People

Aren’t we lucky, dear Wonketteers? Obamacare hasn’t even darkened the Supreme Court’s doorstep (where, pro-tip, it will be voted down by the resident well-insured and sinecured octogenarians), and already opponents are rushing to instill fear into the hearts of real Murkins about exactly what fearful atrocities the legislation hopes to visit upon them. One of the more comical subsections (which Obama probably buried on p. 61803399) will bring a modern, funky sensibility to modern medicine by offering consumer-patients Value Menu-pricing on…. abortions. This makes sense, because…. ??? Well, we tried taking mushrooms and then wandering into the forest, to see what answers Gaia could offer up. None were forthcoming. Read more on Obamacare Will Offer $1 Abortions, Say Crazy People…
  oh you wanted a baby with a head?

AZ Senate: Doctors Can Withhold Info That Might Make Ladies Opt For Abortion

Were you aware that the United Nations declared yesterday some sort of “International Lilith Fair/Diva Cup Festival?” We only realized this when we popped over to the Abortionplex for coffee and a quick D&C and it was closed! Bummer. Oh, well, at least we don’t have it as bad as Arizona where, oh why the hell not, legislators are moving to make expectant parenthood a fun and exciting game of Russian roulette! Read more on AZ Senate: Doctors Can Withhold Info That Might Make Ladies Opt For Abortion…
  clear simple and wrong

‘National Review’ Discovers Condoms In NYC, Solves Contraception

What an adventure did a random National Review Editorial Associate get himself into! Gather ’round, ye hobos, and hear his tale of daring… subterfuge… and rubber procurement! (Drop acid now.) It all began when a dazed but persistent carrier pigeon alighted upon the curlicued fountain pen of our Editorial Associate, to finally vomit forth the message it had accidentally swallowed in 1971, during the John V. Lindsay administration, if you young bloods can remember that far back in New York City history. Upon unfolding the still damp note, the Associate was immediately and providentially hepped to the existence of an important and scary thing that had, quick reminder, BEEN OPERATIONAL FOR 40 YEARS ALREADY: a free condom campaign deviously underwritten by the City of New York’s sexed-up bureaucrats. Swift corrective action was clearly needed, STAT! Read more on ‘National Review’ Discovers Condoms In NYC, Solves Contraception…
  women be stoppin'

GOP Jerk’s Wife Withholds Sex Because Of Transvaginal Ultrasound Bill

Dave Albo is a Republican in the Virginia House of Delegates whose wife decided against sexing him — in flagrante delicto, apparently! — once she heard, on the teevee news accompanying their intercourse, about the creepy transvaginal ultrasound bill Dave’s party was pushing last week. Thanks to Wonkette commenter “UnholyMoses,” we can all enjoy Albo’s first-person account of the unexpected interruptus of his coitus. Read more on GOP Jerk’s Wife Withholds Sex Because Of Transvaginal Ultrasound Bill…
  say anything

Embryos Greet Defeat Of Virginia’s Personhood Bill With Eerie Silence

Virginia’s vaginas escaped state-sanctioned ‘unwanted penetration,’ temporarily at least, with a proposed transvaginal ultrasound bill thoroughly collapsing under the weight of public ridicule. And now the bill that would have granted any grouping of two or more cells “all the rights, privileges, and immunities” of (most) actual PEOPLE has been tabled until 2013, delivering a massive defeat to trillions of potential Virginians, who will never know how good they could have had it up here, gasping agonally along with the rest of us in these, the last days of the American Empire. So why can’t the glutinous globs of cells that would have finally become ‘persons’ under the bill be reached for comment? Hmmmm? Rather SUSPICIOUS, wouldn’t you say? Read more on Embryos Greet Defeat Of Virginia’s Personhood Bill With Eerie Silence…
  downton abbortion

‘Ronald Reagan Impose Your Beliefs On A Woman’s Womb Act’ Will Never Be

Do you remember the surreal “Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act of 2011,” the bill written in high-pitched banshee shrieks and designed to stem a fictional tide of sex- and race-based abortions? Remember how no one in real life — NO ONE — could figure out how the hell, exactly, this law could possibly be enforced, or really why it should exist at all, in any form, on any planet, at any point in geologic time? Well, everyone is still on the same page on those two points. Still stupid, still pointless, situation unchanged. But the bill’s supporters were forced to change its name, due to “objections by [House Judiciary Committee] Democrats.” The drama! The intrigue! THE ABORTIONS! Read more on ‘Ronald Reagan Impose Your Beliefs On A Woman’s Womb Act’ Will Never Be…
  fear of a black planned parenthood

House GOP To Ban Black Ladies From Going Pro-Choice On Their Fetuses

Would-be aborted black fetuses have found a new friend in Rep. Trent Franks (of Arizona, sigh) and the collected shiny-faced grinners of the House Republican caucus. A clever woods-goblin has planted into these congressmen’s heads the notion that “abortion is the leading cause of death in the black community,” and not the official NIH-sanctioned answer of “terminal flank pain, secondary to laughing at congressional imbeciles.” Now the caucus is circulating a memo in support of the subtly titled Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglass (GET IT?!) Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act, which was aborted failed to reach mark-up when it was last put forward but which will probably reach viability make it to a floor vote this time around. Read more on House GOP To Ban Black Ladies From Going Pro-Choice On Their Fetuses…
 

Daily Briefing: No Representation Without Mormonization

* As John Bolton steps down, his shoes, though not his mustache, are likely to be filled by Zalmay Khalilzad. [WP, NYT] * Bolton’s UN colleagues feel like it’s their birthday. [NYT] * Sam Brownback can’t quit the idea of being President. [WP] * Republicans will try to muscle through a weird “Abortion Anesthesia Bill” before the close of Congress. [WP] * President Bush meets with Iraqi Shiite leader who thinks the only policy change America needs is to kick more ass, take less names. [WP, NYT] * FBI spends too much time investigating mine-sweeper, comes up short on funds for new computer system. [NYT] * NASA’s plan for a new moon base is supported by space cadets. [WP] * Paper of record covers DC’s ruthless manipulation of Utah, hunt for most basic constitutional rights. [NYT] Read more on Daily Briefing: No Representation Without Mormonization…
 

Daily Briefing: Just In Time, Baby

* Janet Reno joins Justice Department Officials from Carter, Reagan, and Clinton administrations to issue a letter against indefinite detention of terror suspects. [WP] * Embattled federal family planning programs chief Eric Keroack has previously prescribed actual birth control and not just the trusty “pull out” technique. [WP] * Shattering the myth of government efficiency, contracting procedures at DHS are found to be inconsistent and poorly documented. [WP] * White House appears willing to drop private accounts from Social Security reform package. [WSJ] * Rules of Congressional real estate: location, location, and “mine is bigger than yours” bragging rights. [NYT] * Joe Lieberman hires “Trotskyite Zionist Reaganite” as communications director. [NYT] * Ohio, not wanting Wonkette to be starved for material, puts Jean Schmidt back in office. [AP] Read more on Daily Briefing: Just In Time, Baby…
 

Daily Briefing: Pelosi Pwn’d

* Steny Hoyer elected House Majority Leader after a divisive inter-party campaign. Democrats now need to move on and show unity. Nancy Pelosi says, “Let the healing begin.” [WP, NYT, LAT] * Steny Hoyer’s not a man, he’s a Congressman. [WP, NYT] * Bush administration’s pick to head family-planning programs at the Department of Health and Human Services is a strong opponent of the sexing. [WP] * “It was a preliminary inquiry before, but we found the basis to open up a criminal investigation,” report Florida authorities investigating Mark Foley. [WP] * Latest war funding request by Bush administration would make Iraq the most expensive conflict since WWII. [USAT] * John McCain files paperwork to open his presidential exploratory committee, blathers on about Iraq. [WP] * Beloved Nobel Prize winning economist Milton Friedman has gone to that big free market in the sky. [WP, NYT, WSJ] Read more on Daily Briefing: Pelosi Pwn’d…