Tag Archives: reproductive rights

  drats foiled again

Texas Republicans Try To Steal Tiny, Itty-Bitty Abortion Vote, Are Foiled By Ladies What Won’t Shut Up

Were you unable to sleep last night because of the sound of women screaming WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!? coming out of the Texas state capitol? It all started when state Sen. Wendy Davis, Wonkette’s unanimous frontrunner for the Legislative Badass of the Year Award, stood on her feet all goddamned day to explain, in little itty bitty words that even Texas Republicans should be able to understand, why Senate Bill 5 — which bans abortion after 20 weeks, requires clinics to be certified as “ambulatory surgical centers,” and a bunch of other steaming donkeyshit — is wrong and stupid and unconstitutional and also wrong and stupid (and unconstitutional). As Yr Wonkette already ‘splained at you, all but five of Texas’s 47 existing clinics would have to close under this new bill. But then? Oh, there were shenanigans! Read more on Texas Republicans Try To Steal Tiny, Itty-Bitty Abortion Vote, Are Foiled By Ladies What Won’t Shut Up…
  what's the matter with kansas?

Hero Kansas Republicans Stand Up For Women’s God-Given Right To Bear Their Daddy’s Baby

Kansas Republicans are very Reasonable People. How reasonable are they? They stripped out of their superfly abortion bill language that would have barred women who work at abortion providers’ from volunteering at their children’s schools. Like so: [O]ne thing the bill will no longer do? The committee removed a provision that would have banned abortion clinic workers from volunteering in their children’s schools. The measure would have banned such activities as chaperoning field trips, serving as PTA officers and baking cupcakes for school activities. Oh no! How could the Kansas legislature abandon our children and leave them vulnerable and exposed to the possibility of eating cupcakes made by women’s health care providers? Don’t they know how dangerous abortion food can be? ABORTION CUPCAKES Y’ALL. Oh we are so glad we stole Miss Kaili from Daily Kos. But back to the matter at hand! One thing the Kansas abortion bill will still do is ban abortion in the case of rape and incest. And the Republicans in the Kansas legislature are very ANGRY that some dumb Dems tried to add amendments to the bill with just those exemptions, because the Dems were trying to GOTCHA them, by letting ladies abortion their daddy’s babies. Let us listen in, and nod our heads sagely: Read more on Hero Kansas Republicans Stand Up For Women’s God-Given Right To Bear Their Daddy’s Baby…
  hot teen sluts

Hero Oregon Math Teacher Suspended Just For Telling Students Planned Parenthood Would Turn Them Into Streetwalking Prosties!

Well here is another fine howdeyedo! Bill Diss, a computer and math teacher in Portland, Oregon, has been suspended just because (according to the district) he is unprofessional and intimidating and harassing and told his students they would end up on “82nd Avenue” (WHERE THE WHORES ARE) if they joined the “Let’s Not Get Pregnant After-School Club for Kidz” put on by the Department of Health and Human Services in conjunction with a bunch of baby-murdering pimpers named “Planned” “Parenthood.” But wait! There’s more! Read more on Hero Oregon Math Teacher Suspended Just For Telling Students Planned Parenthood Would Turn Them Into Streetwalking Prosties!…
  butt sechs?

Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts

Texas state Senator Donna Campbell isn’t trying to shut down abortion completely, we assume, since that would be unconstitutional. (She is totally trying to shut down abortion completely.) She would just, as a doctor and a woman, prefer it if the great state of Texas require that abortion clinics meet the regulatory standards for surgical centers, which would just happen to shut down all the state’s abortion clinics but five. But she has a super-good reason for this: because men bleed from their butts, and if a man is bleeding from his butt, then in the ER “We have a surgeon on call. But we don’t have a surgeon on call for someone who is hemorrhaging from the uterus.” Dr. Sen. Campbell, y’all! Read more on Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts…
  The Rythm's Gonna Zygote Ya

Congratulations, Iowa Womyn! You May Already Be A Murderer!

You were once just two little cells, floating around in goo inside some disgusting lady who probably just had sex. But even back then you were still a complete human being, according to state representative Tom Shaw, one of nine Iowa Republicans who introduced a law that would make the destruction of a zygote subject to a murder charge. Shaw’s bill includes no exception for women who’d like to have the zygote forcibly implanted into them by a rapist removed. Those women, along with any others who exercise their Constitutional right to end a pregnancy, could be tossed into prison, along with the doctor who performs it. Read more on Congratulations, Iowa Womyn! You May Already Be A Murderer!…
  it's aliiiiive

On The Pill? Tiny Dead Fetuses Are Eating Your Innards

Womyn, wanna hear something really scary? How about: if you are on the Pill, your womb is studded with tiny fetuses, just sitting there, frozen, undead, or maybe they are eating you? We are not sure, because Christian dick radio host Kevin Swanson — last heard explaining that college will turn your daughters into ugly, angrier angry feminist whores — does not really explain the “science” behind your undead womb angels. Suffice it to say, you are murdering babies with your brazen The Pill use, and Kevin Swanson simply does not care for it! A’tall! Read more on On The Pill? Tiny Dead Fetuses Are Eating Your Innards…
  shmashmortion

New Mexico Will Prosecute You for Borting Your Rape Baby, Because You Are Borting ‘The Evidence’

Ladies, ladies, stop your hysterical caterwauling in that shrill way you do that you do! It is okay that a Republican lawmaker in New Mexico has introduced you to carry your Rape Baby to term “to use the fetus as evidence” (carrying a sentence of up to three years!) in your raper’s trial! It is okay because the lawmaker in question is a woman. Read more on New Mexico Will Prosecute You for Borting Your Rape Baby, Because You Are Borting ‘The Evidence’…
  happy holidays!

Nation Celebrates Roe v. Wade Birthday With Scary Videos, Hypocrisy, Balloons

Libruls really hit the holiday jackpot this week! First, we had Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and Inauguration Day at the same time, which appropriately coincided with the made-up Fox News holiday, “Sadness Day” (a holiday Olds celebrate by eating burnt pot roast and scowling at Wheel of Fortune). But the fun did not stop there! Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, which is a Supreme Court decision that lots of people have heard of, yet as the New York Times points out, remains a mystery among the vast majority of America’s tween population, who recognize abortion as that thing that will get an episode of their favorite Canadian teen drama series banned on Nickelodeon. Read more on Nation Celebrates Roe v. Wade Birthday With Scary Videos, Hypocrisy, Balloons…
  we just we can't

Rush Limbaugh Would Like Some Attention Please, Also To Shoot Women/Fetuses With Guns

Taking umbrage at the words that fall from Rush Limbaugh’s blubbery lips like so many wriggling maggots is a fool’s game. He lives for us to take umbrage. (This is also why we hardly ever let you know about, say, Ann Coulter’s latest bons mots about how black people all are murdery. That, and we frankly don’t like what happens to our gentle commenters when we throw Coulter Meat at them.) But what is Rush Limbaugh on about now? You know how to stop abortion? Require that each one occur with a gun. Oh. Okay. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Would Like Some Attention Please, Also To Shoot Women/Fetuses With Guns…
  heads i win tails you lose

Yes Virginia, You Elected These Idiot GOP Legislators

There is some sort of legislative kerfuffle happening in Virginia right now and we are trying to care because the Editrix said we had to! Anonymous aide at the Virginia Legislature, what weird terrible thing is happening with your GOP peoples this week? Apparently the GOP was trying to keep abortion bargains all seeekrit, but it is not working thanks to you, anonymous Democratic aide! Read more on Yes Virginia, You Elected These Idiot GOP Legislators…
  has a standing reservation at the abortionplex

Pro-Life Tennessee Congressman Just Having All The Abortions So No One Else Has To

Remember Scott DesJarlais? Of course you do. He is the “pro-life congressman” who whined at (one of) his (many) mistress(es) to have an abortion — while recording the telephone call in which he pressured her (with his whining)? Well, now it appears the “consistently pro-life congressman” — who just won re-election — supported his wife in having two of them! It sounds to us like maybe Tennessee could fund Planned Parenthood a little better, so as poor, uneducated people like the doctor and his wife could get on birth control instead of murdering precious babies for fun! Read more on Pro-Life Tennessee Congressman Just Having All The Abortions So No One Else Has To…
  he's sorry if any of you crazy bitches took offense

On Behalf Of Fellow Women Everywhere, John McCain Accepts Richard Mourdock’s Rapebortion ‘Apology’

Richard Mourdock has “apologized” (no he hasn’t) for saying rape is Jesus’s special way of giving you something productive to do for the next 18 years instead of whoring around on Saturday nights like common trollops, and on behalf of us all, John McCain has graciously accepted his “apology”! So it’s cool you guys, John McCain says it’s cool. Ladies, put down your bras and pitchforks and go back to crowing over the corpse of your mortal enemy CNN. But is there anything … odd … about this “apology” and McCain’s acceptance of it on behalf of us all? Well why on earth would you think that? Read more on On Behalf Of Fellow Women Everywhere, John McCain Accepts Richard Mourdock’s Rapebortion ‘Apology’…
  wanna be abortin' somethin'

Ghost Michael Jackson’s Abortion Jamz

MJ fans! Rejoice! The 25th Anniversary remaster of Bad came out on Tuesday, and it is AWESOME. Remastered, digitally perfect versions of songs like Bad, The Way You Make Me Feel, Smooth Criminal…and eight previously unreleased tracks including Song Groove! Oh, excuse me, I should probably refer to that track by its real name: Abortion Papers. Yes, ladies and gents (mainly ladies), Michael Jackson made a song about a young lady having an abortion. Was he for or against it, you ask? Well, he made a song about being a badass street fighter; The Way You Make Me Feel, judging by its video, was about stalking a woman through a filthy alley (but don’t worry, Take Back the Nighters, she liked it?); and Smooth Criminal evinced an obsessive concern about a girl named Annie. Dirty Diana was all about judging a lady for being a whore. So, yeah, this is pretty much a Planned Parenthood theme song. Read more on Ghost Michael Jackson’s Abortion Jamz…
 

Zombie Breitbart Now, Somehow, Perturbed By The Word “Slut”

Let us all pause for a moment and listen closely, so as not to miss the quiet but familiar noise of another political argument going over Dana Loesch’s head. Loesch, Breitbart.com’s leader in the War On The War On Women, has (surprise!) a bone to pick with you, Feminidiots. She heard some of you at the DNC were selling “SLUTS VOTE” buttons to reference to when Rush Limbaugh went all crazy on Sandra Fluke and called her all those names, and she would like you to know that WHOA GUYS, THAT IS NOT COOL. Read more on Zombie Breitbart Now, Somehow, Perturbed By The Word “Slut”…
  will this be our last todd akin post?

Phyllis Schlafly And Bryan Fischer Pretty Much Think Todd Akin Is Jesus

Perfidious cockbucket Todd Akin received enthusiastic support Tuesday from noted insane persons Phyllis Schlafly and Bryan Fischer. Remarkably, this is not expected to hurt his chances for election to the US Senate. Reaching previously unplumbed depths of either cluelessness or chicanery — even for her — Ms. Schlafly carefully explained that Akin was not in favor of rape, a position that literally no one on the planet has claimed he was taking: “He’s not for rape. That’s ridiculous,” said Schlafly, founder of the Eagle Forum. “They’re making a big thing about an unfortunate remark.” Schlafly also believes that there is no such thing as marital rape, and that feminists simply made up the concept to hurt men in divorce and child custody cases, a position which is shared by alleged human being Todd Akin. Read more on Phyllis Schlafly And Bryan Fischer Pretty Much Think Todd Akin Is Jesus…
  Oh no. Not again

Akin Clarifies Clarification: Women Just Constantly Lie About Rape All The Time

Serial fact-raper Todd Akin (R-R’lyeh) has decided, what the hell, since he’s clarifying things, he might as well just clarify a little more. After telling Mike Huckabee that he’s definitely still running for the Senate, and after appearing to momentarily acknowledge biological facts, Akin has now doubled down on the crazy, insisting in an interview with Dana Loesch that, actually yeah, his original claim about ladies and rape was pretty much right, maybe, except he meant “forcible,” not “legitimate” and that what he really meant to say is that ladies just plain lie about being raped so they can get them some sweet public abortion dollars. He also denies ever implying that he said that rapists were legitimate, which is good, because literally NOBODY thought he said that. Akin also appeared to backtrack on his earlier “apology,” referring to the thoroughly discredited opinions of Dr. John C. Willke, who first popularized the notion that ladyparts magically prevent pregnancy in a rape: Read more on Akin Clarifies Clarification: Women Just Constantly Lie About Rape All The Time…