Tag Archives: reproductive rights

  God loves Notre Dame best. She's a masochist.

Notre Dame Stands In Schoolhouse Door To Block Slut Pills Today. Tomorrow. FOR EVER!

Word.
Ladies, would you like to guess who’s screwing around with your reproductive health coverage this week? Haha, that was a trick question — the answer is always “everyone,” but we were specifically referring to the Supreme Court! Yesterday it ordered the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals to revisit its decision last year demanding Catholic university Notre Dame … fill out a religious-freedom opt-out form if it didn’t want to supply contraceptive coverage under the rules of Obamacare. Why did SCOTUS vacate and remand Seventh Circuit’s decision? Because Burwell v. Hobby Lobby! Remember, “religious freedom” isn’t only about straight bakeries and straight florists – it is also about anti-science craft stores! Read more on Notre Dame Stands In Schoolhouse Door To Block Slut Pills Today. Tomorrow. FOR EVER!…
  Liberte Egalite Aborte

France To Abort Everyone For Free Now, Pretty Much

Something seems a little off here...
France is enacting a new abortion law that seems aimed at reinforcing every possible rightwing American stereotype of that country, except perhaps for surrendering in a war: It amends the country’s current law, which allows abortion only if a pregnant women can prove “distress.” The new law also bans any attempt to restrict women from getting information about abortion services. The National Assembly voted in January to change the law, despite the country’s Roman Catholic majority. The Minister for Women’s Rights, Najat Vallaud-Belkacem, said during debate that “abortion is a right in itself and not something that is allowed subject to conditions.” Read more on France To Abort Everyone For Free Now, Pretty Much…
 

Marco Rubio A Climatologist And An Obstetrician Now, Will Tell You When Babby Is Formed

Human-shaped fecal matter Marco Rubio has been taking some heat the last couple of days over his weekend comments regarding climate change and how it’ll take a lot more than 99% of climate scientists saying it is happening to convince him that it is actually happening, and even if it is happening, we don’t know how much of it is attributable to human activity so why bother doing anything to possibly mitigate the effects? Since all the media outlets criticizing Rubio are liberal water carriers for Big Climate, grunting homunculus Sean Hannity interviewed the senator on the radio on Wednesday afternoon and gave him a chance to respond. It went well, if your definition of “well” includes “caused yr Wonkette to hit ourselves in the face with a Louisville Slugger until we passed out.” Rubio’s argument? Liberals are enormous hypocrites for claiming the science of climate change is settled while simultaneously denying that science has also settled that life begins at conception, because that undermines the case for abortion. Our response? GLARGHASLJXNIDFJDIJEW!!!!11!!!!!! Read more on Marco Rubio A Climatologist And An Obstetrician Now, Will Tell You When Babby Is Formed…
  what's that spell? whore!

A Very Angry Guest Post About Annette Funicello

A guest post from your comrade “Lou Cabron.” And speaking of sluts, three weeks ago pastor Steven Anderson strolled into his Arizona church with proof that “the birth control movement” was promoting whoredom. So the pastor waves around his flimsy print-out, sternly warning the congregation that Annette Funicello is a whore whoring it up with birth control, contributing to whoredom, which “is what birth control does to our society.” Unfortunately, it turned out to be an ad for suntan lotion. Read more on A Very Angry Guest Post About Annette Funicello…
  shmashmortion

Virginia State Senator Should Leave Irony To The Professionals, ‘Parasites’ Out Of The Wombs Of ‘Hosts’

Virginia state Senator Steve Martin (R-Three Amigos) referred to pregnant women as “host(s)” on his Facebook page and even included a parenthetical aside clarifying that he’s talking about mothers. He’s changed “host” to “bearer of the child,” because “host” suggests fetuses are parasites; his modified verbiage regards the unborn with the dignity they deserve. Read more on Virginia State Senator Should Leave Irony To The Professionals, ‘Parasites’ Out Of The Wombs Of ‘Hosts’…
  jesus is magic

Jesus Watches ‘NCIS’ With Sarah Silverman; Wingnuts, Surprisingly, Furious

Sarah Silverman sure makes funny videos. There was that time she was fucking Matt Damon (MATT DAMON). And that time she hung out with all the Jewish nana’s to make sure they went and voted for that menschy college professor (such a person!) even though he is a schwartze. Read more on Jesus Watches ‘NCIS’ With Sarah Silverman; Wingnuts, Surprisingly, Furious…
  let's have a war

How Will We End The War On The War On Women This Year?

This post is brought to you by our friends at EMILY’s List. 2013 was quite the year for the GOP and their never-ending fight to restrict reproductive rights. We saw House Republicans introduce their annual bill to strip funding from Planned Parenthood. Several state legislatures filed new “Targeted Regulation of Abortion Providers” or TRAP laws that are specifically designed to close the doors on women’s health clinics. Read more on How Will We End The War On The War On Women This Year?…
  reproductive rites

Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina

Noted debutante Bristol Palin, who became an unwilling postergirl for chastity and purity and second virginities and whatnot (second virginities are when you only give up the butt), has done posted a “thought” on the MyFace and her dumb religion blog, and honestly, she is probably plumb tuckered out from having it ghostwritten for her. What is echoing around Bristol Palin’s perfectly zen uterus (that is where she keeps her brains) today? Read more on Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina…
  All your ladyparts are belong to them

‘Pro-Lifers’ Save Women From Specter Of Open Health Clinics

Well, here is some good news to get your week started. If you are the sort of person who thinks the problem with America is too many women’s health clinics, that is, and you’d much rather women have to seek out sketchy doctors to perform unsafe abortions, like that Kermit Gosnell fellow in Philadelphia, in which case, please stop reading and immediately go fuck yourself. Read more on ‘Pro-Lifers’ Save Women From Specter Of Open Health Clinics…
  sunday bloody nyt sunday

Ross Douthat Is Sure You Sinners Can Just Go To Europe Or A Blue State For Your Abortions

As you’ve watched the Texas Handmaids’ Tale- style abortion restrictions go into effect, we bet you’ve been wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ that Ross Douthat, the baby-faced sad-90s-beard-rocking culture scold would share his derp thoughts with you on the matter. Yr Wonkette has been wishing for this fervently and also, too, sobbing inconsolably at the fact that Ross Douthat has a high-profile NYT column. But enough about us. What about Ross? What does Ross think about Texas ‘bortions? SPOILER ALERT: he doesn’t want ladies to have abortions but rich ladies will still get abortions because of Ireland so it is all good: Read more on Ross Douthat Is Sure You Sinners Can Just Go To Europe Or A Blue State For Your Abortions…
  It's only a baby if you want to abort it but not if it needs health care

‘Pro-Life’ Texas Lady: Well If These Fetuses Are Going To Want Healthcare, Maybe They Are Not Real Babies After All

Just go ahead and file this under OF COURSE BECAUSE OF COURSE: Texas State Rep. Jodie Laubenberg (R), the author of the radically anti-abortion bill making its way through the Texas Legislature this week, argued for hours on Tuesday that lawmakers should support her bill because of its strong protections for a person’s “pre-born life.” Read more on ‘Pro-Life’ Texas Lady: Well If These Fetuses Are Going To Want Healthcare, Maybe They Are Not Real Babies After All…
  wrestling with pigs

Wendy Davis Shoves Pink Sneakers Up Rick Perry’s Ass, With Words

Remember like two hours ago, when Rick Perry said it was so sad that Wendy Davis, the petite pink-shoed wonder, was fighting for abortion rights when she was a Teen Mom herself? And that why hadn’t she learned anything from her own life story, of the life that she lived? Yeah, Wendy Davis (totally running for governor) has taken a page from Bill Clinton’s War Room and is letting no idiocy go unpunished. Read more on Wendy Davis Shoves Pink Sneakers Up Rick Perry’s Ass, With Words…
  stuck in the middle with you

Chivalrous Gentleman Erick Erickson Helps GOP With Womyn-Outreach, Tells Wendy Davis To Sit Down, Shut Up

Erick Erickson, the very picture of a modern man of the 21st century, has done opened his fat gaping maw again, and said words with it. It went so well last time he had “thoughts” on the “ladies,” that noted liberal Megyn Kelly ended up tying him to a Fox News studio chair and stuffing used tampons into his piggy little face before cutting off his ear, Reservoir-styley. So how is Erickson helping with GOP outreach lately? By creating (we assume he created it? Well, it is not like we are going to check) the hilarious Tweeter number-sign “hashtag” “#sitdownwendy” to tell Texas state Sen. Wendy Davis to hush her mouth when the menfolk are talking. HAW HAW HAW, good one! Telling women to SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND KNOW YOUR ROLE! always works out so well for them. Read more on Chivalrous Gentleman Erick Erickson Helps GOP With Womyn-Outreach, Tells Wendy Davis To Sit Down, Shut Up…
  little pink sneakers for you and me

All The People Mentioned By The New York Times In The 16 Paragraphs Before They Named Texas Can-O-Whoop-Ass Wendy Davis

Perhaps you heard there was a small ‘fuffle last night as some Texas Bad-Ass got all shrill and PMSy for ALL THE HOURS last night, foiling the GOP’s efforts to steal a vote right in front of the whole universe. WELL! The Paper of Record heard about it too! And they had quite a nice little story about the “petite Fort Worth Democrat in pink sneakers” who (according to this Texas state Rep.) “terrorized” Texas with all the yakkety-yak. But did that li’l lady have a name? Sure she did! In paragraph 17. So who got to have names in this here New York Times story before Wendy Davis did? Let us count them! IMPORTANT UPDATE BELOW! Read more on All The People Mentioned By The New York Times In The 16 Paragraphs Before They Named Texas Can-O-Whoop-Ass Wendy Davis…
  drats foiled again

Texas Republicans Try To Steal Tiny, Itty-Bitty Abortion Vote, Are Foiled By Ladies What Won’t Shut Up

Were you unable to sleep last night because of the sound of women screaming WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!?!? coming out of the Texas state capitol? It all started when state Sen. Wendy Davis, Wonkette’s unanimous frontrunner for the Legislative Badass of the Year Award, stood on her feet all goddamned day to explain, in little itty bitty words that even Texas Republicans should be able to understand, why Senate Bill 5 — which bans abortion after 20 weeks, requires clinics to be certified as “ambulatory surgical centers,” and a bunch of other steaming donkeyshit — is wrong and stupid and unconstitutional and also wrong and stupid (and unconstitutional). As Yr Wonkette already ‘splained at you, all but five of Texas’s 47 existing clinics would have to close under this new bill. But then? Oh, there were shenanigans! Read more on Texas Republicans Try To Steal Tiny, Itty-Bitty Abortion Vote, Are Foiled By Ladies What Won’t Shut Up…
  what's the matter with kansas?

Hero Kansas Republicans Stand Up For Women’s God-Given Right To Bear Their Daddy’s Baby

Kansas Republicans are very Reasonable People. How reasonable are they? They stripped out of their superfly abortion bill language that would have barred women who work at abortion providers’ from volunteering at their children’s schools. Like so: [O]ne thing the bill will no longer do? The committee removed a provision that would have banned abortion clinic workers from volunteering in their children’s schools. The measure would have banned such activities as chaperoning field trips, serving as PTA officers and baking cupcakes for school activities. Oh no! How could the Kansas legislature abandon our children and leave them vulnerable and exposed to the possibility of eating cupcakes made by women’s health care providers? Don’t they know how dangerous abortion food can be? ABORTION CUPCAKES Y’ALL. Oh we are so glad we stole Miss Kaili from Daily Kos. But back to the matter at hand! One thing the Kansas abortion bill will still do is ban abortion in the case of rape and incest. And the Republicans in the Kansas legislature are very ANGRY that some dumb Dems tried to add amendments to the bill with just those exemptions, because the Dems were trying to GOTCHA them, by letting ladies abortion their daddy’s babies. Let us listen in, and nod our heads sagely: Read more on Hero Kansas Republicans Stand Up For Women’s God-Given Right To Bear Their Daddy’s Baby…
  hot teen sluts

Hero Oregon Math Teacher Suspended Just For Telling Students Planned Parenthood Would Turn Them Into Streetwalking Prosties!

Well here is another fine howdeyedo! Bill Diss, a computer and math teacher in Portland, Oregon, has been suspended just because (according to the district) he is unprofessional and intimidating and harassing and told his students they would end up on “82nd Avenue” (WHERE THE WHORES ARE) if they joined the “Let’s Not Get Pregnant After-School Club for Kidz” put on by the Department of Health and Human Services in conjunction with a bunch of baby-murdering pimpers named “Planned” “Parenthood.” But wait! There’s more! Read more on Hero Oregon Math Teacher Suspended Just For Telling Students Planned Parenthood Would Turn Them Into Streetwalking Prosties!…
  butt sechs?

Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts

Texas state Senator Donna Campbell isn’t trying to shut down abortion completely, we assume, since that would be unconstitutional. (She is totally trying to shut down abortion completely.) She would just, as a doctor and a woman, prefer it if the great state of Texas require that abortion clinics meet the regulatory standards for surgical centers, which would just happen to shut down all the state’s abortion clinics but five. But she has a super-good reason for this: because men bleed from their butts, and if a man is bleeding from his butt, then in the ER “We have a surgeon on call. But we don’t have a surgeon on call for someone who is hemorrhaging from the uterus.” Dr. Sen. Campbell, y’all! Read more on Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts…
  The Rythm's Gonna Zygote Ya

Congratulations, Iowa Womyn! You May Already Be A Murderer!

You were once just two little cells, floating around in goo inside some disgusting lady who probably just had sex. But even back then you were still a complete human being, according to state representative Tom Shaw, one of nine Iowa Republicans who introduced a law that would make the destruction of a zygote subject to a murder charge. Shaw’s bill includes no exception for women who’d like to have the zygote forcibly implanted into them by a rapist removed. Those women, along with any others who exercise their Constitutional right to end a pregnancy, could be tossed into prison, along with the doctor who performs it. Read more on Congratulations, Iowa Womyn! You May Already Be A Murderer!…
  it's aliiiiive

On The Pill? Tiny Dead Fetuses Are Eating Your Innards

Womyn, wanna hear something really scary? How about: if you are on the Pill, your womb is studded with tiny fetuses, just sitting there, frozen, undead, or maybe they are eating you? We are not sure, because Christian dick radio host Kevin Swanson — last heard explaining that college will turn your daughters into ugly, angrier angry feminist whores — does not really explain the “science” behind your undead womb angels. Suffice it to say, you are murdering babies with your brazen The Pill use, and Kevin Swanson simply does not care for it! A’tall! Read more on On The Pill? Tiny Dead Fetuses Are Eating Your Innards…
  shmashmortion

New Mexico Will Prosecute You for Borting Your Rape Baby, Because You Are Borting ‘The Evidence’

Ladies, ladies, stop your hysterical caterwauling in that shrill way you do that you do! It is okay that a Republican lawmaker in New Mexico has introduced you to carry your Rape Baby to term “to use the fetus as evidence” (carrying a sentence of up to three years!) in your raper’s trial! It is okay because the lawmaker in question is a woman. Read more on New Mexico Will Prosecute You for Borting Your Rape Baby, Because You Are Borting ‘The Evidence’…