Barack Obama doesn’t just ignore the gay and lesbian press. He ignores reporters of every hue, creed, nationality, and sexual preference! This is because he believes that every member of the Journalistic Profession deserves the right to be completely and summarily dismissed out of hand. He will not answer questions about Hamas when he wants to eat his waffles; he will not hold a press conference even though he says he will. He is basically that no goodnik boyfriend who always stands you up at the last minute, when he isn’t refusing to answer questions about Hamas over waffles. Does he understand that the press might quit polishing his knob if he keeps up this irresponsible behavior? [Political Ticker]

Barack Obama came back from his secret (or not-so-secret at all!) vacation in the Virgin Islands today and, as expected, immediately whined to reporters: “It has been a little over a year; about 15 months now, since I first announced that I was running for president. Since that time babies have been born and are walking and talking … I know it seems like it’s been long for you, imagine how it feels for me.” Alas, he has once again revealed how little he knows about the media. No humans in history, Barry, hate their lives more than the depressed, smelly, twitchy, grumpy, loud, self-important, perverted stenographers that make up the traveling political press corps. [ABC News]

You may have forgotten that George Bush is still the president — and judging from his latest round of African dance parties, it looks like he would also prefer to forget! But this whole “still the president for EIGHT TEN MORE MONTHS” issue leaves White House reporters in a pickle. On the one hand, they’re professionally obliged to cover George W. Bush every time he chokes on a pretzel, bails out a bank, or endorses some loathsome old codger to replace him. On the other hand, the White House beat is so boring these days. MORE »

Whenever the Democratic primary season heads to a new state, the excited local press is set up for a letdown. “O, O, Barack Obama is going to give glorious, exclusive quotes to me,” the local town reporter dreams, “and I will win many Pulitzers and Barry will be my new bowling partner.” Then Barack Obama gets to town, gives a lovely speech, and doesn’t talk to any reporters anywhere. Then the reporters get depressed and write whiny articles about how Barack will not talk to them or bowl with them or even care that they exist. Today’s example: the Wilkes-Barre Times Leader! MORE »

This photo is making the rounds fairly quickly, because reporters care about nothing more than poor accommodations for reporters. According to CNN, this is “the Clinton press corps’ less than ideal filing center in the Berger Activity Center men’s locker room” in Austin, Texas. When reporters asked for food, Clinton staffers suggested they eat shit. [CNN via Daily Kos]

The “love affair” between the national press and Barack Obama has taken a turn for the darkly dysfunctional. It appears that America’s handsome Savior Prince has been a bit distant lately. He’s been putting off a weird vibe and not texting them back. Was it something the press said? Is it possible Barry was just using the press for all the free hand jobs? MORE »

Uh oh, it looks like last-minute emcee Chris “Chinese Bus” Matthews had some problems at last night’s Washington Press Club Foundation dinner. He was trying to talk, but everyone kept talking over him. Alas, he now knows what it’s like to be a guest on Hardball. A Wonkette operative tells the story, after the jump! MORE »

Ice, buses, John Edwards, coffee shops, ethanol, farmers, ice, darkness … is it any wonder the national press corps is having a group nervous breakdown in Iowa? Here are some grim blind-item examples of people with broken hearts and broken minds: MORE »

There’s a great new (or old?) association in town, and it’s very unpopular. The International Bible Reading Association held a big event at the Capitol yesterday, if by “big event” you mean “600 chairs were set up, and a total of 37 people sat down, and most of those were tourists eating their lunch, and Jeff Gannon is the spokesman.” MORE »

• Washington reporters use the “indirect occupational status mack technique” because deep-inside, they hate themselves. [Brunch Bird]

• “DC’s mentality regarding the relationship between sex and status, perfectly encapsulated in a ten second exchange.” [The DC Universe]
• You’ve made parodies of it’s title for weeks now, you know you wanna see it - Snakes on Plane premieres tonight! [Metroblogging DC]
• Cropp and Fenty agree to debate, Post refers to it as a showdown - we bet no one shows up. [WaPo]

Mystery solved! An operative embedded deep within the media establishment reports: MORE »