Barack Obama hates his friends in the media so much that he always sneezes on their feet, because he can and because he wants to piss them off. But reporters are so gay for Obama that they enjoy having his magical unicorn boogers all over their feet. So then Obama wipes his snot on the reporter’s arm. Same deal. No luck for this guy. [YouTube]

• SUCKS TO BE JOE KLEIN: HA HA HA, whiny Time conventional wisdom scribe Joe Klein has been banned from both the McCain and Palin planes because why waste a good seat on such a predictable man? Best McCain-Palin campaign move in months. [Michael Calderone]

Joe Killian is an elitist media journalist de politico for a North Carolina newspaper, the Greensboro News-Record. Ooh well isn’t he neat. He was covering a Sarah Palin rally at Elon University yesterday, a radical liberal college, and when he laughed at the college kids fighting with the Palin supporters outside the event, some fat slob kicked him to the ground from behind, haw haw haw. MORE »

D’you ever notice how our journalistic reporters such as Mark Halperin spend a full week, every week, telling us about how “nasty” the campaigns are going to get in the next week, and then the next week comes and no one cares because the “nasty” attacks are basically the same shit as usual, and then the cycle starts again with an EVEN BIGGER FOREBODING DRUDGE SIREN? Mmhmm. MORE »

Back in the day before the YouTubes and the cable newses, presidential candidates had to “get the message out” by talking to the reporters who followed them around all the time. But now they don’t have to talk to anybody, they can just go on Hannity or whatever so now the job of the campaign-trail reporter is to sit on the candidate’s plane and bitch about how the candidate never talks to them. MORE »

So David Brooks wrote an annoying little column today about this: “McCain started out with the same sort of kibitzing campaign style that he used to woo the press back in 2000. It didn’t work. This time there were too many cameras around and too many 25-year-old reporters and producers seizing on every odd comment to set off little blog scandals.” Those 25-year-old reporters and “little blog” rats should be proud of themselves, wouldn’t you think, if they were the ones not whorish enough to buy John McCain’s offers of friendship and let him get away with everything? MORE »

Reporters are a lot like common housecats: they laze around until they see some shiny thing, which they toy with for two minutes before going back to vomiting and sleeping on your clean laundry. (Bloggers are a lot like common bums, who cut straight to the vomiting and laundry-soiling.) It’s no surprise that Barack Obama, a shiny bauble if ever there was one, enjoys terrific press coverage this election cycle — the most generous and adoring coverage since John McCain ran for president in 2000. But John McCain can’t stop grumping about it, because he is a sour old bitch who feels betrayed by his former friends. MORE »

In an age when most reporters for the American media are timid, pasty, milquetoast mumblers, Lara Logan stands head and balls above the rest. Sure, we’ve seen some stories about her romantical adventures in Iraq’s Green Zone and an exciting brawl in a safe house between two rival suitors — and our only question is, Just two? MORE »

This is totally not change we can believe in! Some poor reporter in Indiana followed Barack Obama around all day on a bus and the Obama campaign billed his employer OVER FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS for that wonderful privilege. Some of the bill applied to transportation and supplies but over $100 was for food — which the reporter ate very little of, because who can work up an appetite for anything except man candy when Our Barry is around? MORE »

Why is Hillary Clinton embarrassing herself so much with this disenfranchisement bullshit, or the other bullshit with which she’s embarrassing herself? It’s because she is drunk, very drunk, all the time, forever, so drunk that she cannot DO ANYTHING — LOOK AT HER. Obama would be drunk too, all the time, but he wants to be a strong black role model. [Sigh]. More pictures of Hillary getting drunk again with reporters on her airplane, after the jump! MORE »

Remember that time yesterday when Barack Obama acted like a Texas waitress and called that young female reporter “sweetie”? Well, he left her a contrite voicemail promising never to call her that terrible word again. The full transcript after the jump. MORE »