South Carolina’s embarrassing Argentine love-tango scandal may have made its governor look bad, but two parties have emerged from this sad nightmare smelling like little roses: Jenny Sanford, and The State newspaper. Yesterday the paper released a pack of hilariously sycophantic requests from various media outlets to Governor Sanford’s office suggesting that — !!! — sometimes reporters and media types imply that their subjects will get favorable coverage if they’ll just respond to a goddamn interview request. MORE »

Oh god this is too good: “The AP’s Christina Hoag reports that Brenda Lee, a reporter for the Georgia Informer, was dragged kicking and screaming from the press area near Air Force One at Los Angeles International airport (LAX) Thursday morning… KTLA reports that Lee is a self-proclaimed ‘Roman Catholic priestess.’ Lee claims she was attempting to deliver President Obama a letter urging him ‘to take a stand for traditional marriage.’” Ha ha ha WHAA?? There’s no such thing as a Roman Catholic priestess! Only Roman Catholic queens. Jesus. Just look at this insane clown having to be physically carried, by humans. Score another win for traditional marriage! Soon heterosexuals will all be DEAD. [HuffPo]

Wacky whore & fraud Rod Blagojevich, who was indicted on 16 counts of epic corruption in Chicago yesterday, is currently on vacation at the Florida amusement park Walt Disney World. Oh, and he is with his family. Some local teevee reporter lady got wind of this yesterday and went to his hotel pool area to harass him, ha. In the end we are introduced to a new and very comical figure, this very touchy fat slob who may or may not be Blagojevich’s bodyguard. [YouTube]

Mark your calendars for the year 2010 everyone, because there’s going to be at least one 2006-George-Allen-level comedic midterm race. Baseball pitcher Sen. Jim Bunning is running for reelection in Kentucky and will lose, loudly. Bunning resurfaced in the media recently for telling a pancreatic cancer-stricken Ruth Bader Ginsburg that she should go die alone, soon. Now Bunning has run into some local Kentucky trouble by snapping at some reporter who asked about his internal poll results, which wouldn’t be a problem in and of itself (MSM lies anyway etc etc) except that he used the word “goddamn,” which to Kentuckians is more appalling than raping 40 young children and a grandma. MORE »

HERE’S A FUN PRESS CORPS GAME CALLED “STEAL POLITICO’S SEAT!” We rather like the anecdotes in this FiveThirtyEight post about how oppressed bloggers are always trying to steal Politico’s seat at White House press briefings, only to be caught minutes later by confused Politico reporters. This could be a fun daily game! So we ask that reporters take turns stealing Politico’s seat — one day Sam Stein does it, the next day David Corn, etc. — and e-mail us the name of Politico reporter who awkwardly kicked you out, and what it was like. [FiveThirtyEight]

The New Republic’s Gabriel Sherman has a lovely new story out about the dystopian hell chamber that is the Politico newsroom. The snarling, leprous leadership of Jim VandeHei and John Harris (a.k.a. “VandeHarris,” or simply, “AnusHair”) greets its intrepid blog reporters each morning at 5:30 a.m. with a hot shower of molten lava, followed by a threat to feed them to the rabid, one-eyed Beast of Ancient Times (held in an office storage pod in Manassas) if they do not get a Drudge link by 11 a.m. “SMITH, BEN SSSMITHHHH,” the death demon VandeHarris roars, spittle flying from its mouth, before slithering back to its dungeon for a breakfast of live rats, copper shavings, and ostrich blood. “YOU MUST WIN THE MORNING… A GUEST SLOT ON HARDBALL COMPELS YOU…” MORE »

The whole point of covering a John McCain presidential campaign for a major news outlet is to make (potentially sexy) friendships with McCain and his senior staff, so as to, uh, “know your subject better,” as some have described it. And now they never get to see each other anymore! And Obama is an asshole to the reporters! So this is why the former McCain reporters and aides got together over the weekend for drinks, and karaoke, and perhaps some whining about access. MORE »

Last night Obama went to introduce himself to the White House press corps briefly, politely. A Politico reporter started harassing him about one of his appointments. Obama told him to STFU, he could ask it at the next briefing. Politico writes the following lede this morning: “President Obama made a surprise visit to the White House press corps Thursday night, but got agitated when he was faced with a substantive question.” MORE »

Now that dying Ted Kennedy has forced his shy niece Caroline to become a Senator for the sake of the family name, the entire global media plans to exploit her (and maybe she will even cry!) These reporters in upstate New York, who probably all smell and have back hair, must learn how to talk to the shy lady, though. The shy lady will not respond if they whine/shout at her, “YOU’RE NOT TAKING ANY QUESTIONS? CAROLINE? QUESTIONS? CAROLINE? QUESTIONS? EXPERIENCE?” [YouTube]

Just four short years ago, it was the Democrats who were getting called out in the press for constantly changing strategies and bickering publicly about petty nonsense. And four years ago, Joe Biden took a brave stand and asked reporters the very important question, “Who gives a shit?” (Those are the actual words out of his mouth.) Why will he not now take a stand for his great friend John McCain, who is boldly running his campaign straight out of the Kerry ‘04 playbook? [YouTube]

My friends, this election is not what you think it is. It is not about choosing between two candidates (AND RON PAUL WRITE-IN 4 LBRTY) for the next president. Ha! This election has always been about something more fundamentally innate to the American ethos: how easily newspaper reporters can get access to John McCain on his bus or plane between stops. And in today’s Los Angeles Times, one reporter examines her world-historical role in this tragic Sophoclean drama about the will of the Human against the cultural and political and naturalistic forces of the Gods, who sometimes go a whole week without giving a quickie press avail. If this is navel-gazing, then GAZE WE WILL into the NAVEL OF DARKNESS. MORE »