Now another branch of our wonderful government has released a report that concludes, upon thorough review of over 600,000 documents, what many people have sort of figured out anyway: in the months before 9/11, Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein was not gently humping al Qaeda mastermind Abu Musab al-Zarqawi on the banks of the Tigris. In fact, there was no connection of any sort between Iraq and al Qaeda, even though the President and his ghoulish cadre of advisors insisted there was. In a clever attempt to keep this shocking information from the American people, the government decided not to write a press release about it. MORE »

The economy is crumbling and very soon we will all be dead. For example, Apple expects sales to grow by 29% in its second fiscal quarter, and Wall Street is calling this a “disappointment” (Mr. Wall Street, he said it himself). But White House demon ice queen Dana Perino tells us “the long-term fundamental health of our economy is very strong,” which should ease the fears of the growing mortgage-default hobo brigade. [AP/Yahoo]