Wonkette

• CIA confirms it’s still the evilest motherfucker on the block by firing DC blogger “Econo-Girl” for a post stating, “torture is wrong.” [Econo-Girl]

• The Brookings Institute focuses the full intellect of their army of PhDs and comes up with “it sucks to be poor.” [NYT]
• Cynthia McKinney and Cindy Sheehan: who got served? [Sweetness & Light]
• Web-editors of Hezbollah’s official website live in fear that one day they will forget to put “Israel ” in quotation marks, and find an envelope on their desks with more than a pink slip in it. [ Alghaliboun.net]
• Annoying Emergency Broadcast System “beeeeep” to be replaced by whatever annoying ringtone you happen to be using. Which actually might not be a bad idea. [WFMU; The Local]
• Why does the government spend so much money? You gotta pander to win. [Heritage.org]

• Lou Dobbs doesn’t know shit about the Middle East, but neither do you. [CNN]

• Potential government jurisdiction clusterfuck over Bush’s s-bomb drop. [Fishbowl DC]
• Apparently, firing a missile at someone isn’t smack talk enough, as “your mamma” jokes now getting written on Lebanon bound rockets. [AP]
• A picture of Putin as a small boy just yearning for some tummy-kissing-man-love. [Iran Defense]
• Rush Limbaugh’s “Viagra-fueled boners” convince him to cite a lady blogger whose statistics seem to come from, “out of her anal cavity.” [James Wolcott]

• Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky is completely right, we must “plug the donut hole.” [Hill Blog]

• CNN is there for you, no matter how bad it gets. [Drink At Work]
• A little ditty, bout Jack and Dan - two American has-beens, doin’ the best they can. [Newsmax]
• Any government employee who says they do it for their country is lying, it’s all about the foreign poontang. [Girls Are Pretty]
• Jim Kolbe spends worthwhile money, not no tens and twenties. [CNN Money]

• Wolf Blitzer closes his eyes, counts to three, and wishes that when he opens them all the dead Palestinians will be gone. [HuffPo]

• Small Pennsylvania town increases illegality of illegal immigrants, sick birds. [AP]
• Sign Katherine Harris’s online get well card! Then feign shock when her robot voice won’t stop calling you for campaign donations. [Elect Harris]
• Capitol Historical Society to host reception for “departing” members of Congress, most honorees to arrive by paddy wagon. [Copley News Service]
• Young America’s Foundation staffed by assholes really into IM. [Campus Progress]
• Soon to be the most compressive source for photos of politicians eating babies in the world! [Flickr]

• It’s time to break out the good drugs - DJ Ted Stevens is on the ones and twos. [Bold Headed]

• All of DJ Ted’s 25 friends will be there. [MySpace]
• Dick Cheney can’t share a bed with a woman who doesn’t know what its like to shoot someone in the face. [Rock Creek Rambler]
• Iraqi security forces are now in complete control of a whole lot of sand, some scorpions, and maybe also tumbleweeds. [1115.org]
• A Fox News reporter gets shot at in Gaza by an Israeli robot. Luckily, his “fox friends” remind him to “skeedattle,” and the audience that, “bad guys shoot at anything.” [Raw Story]
• Both readers of the Cedar Rapids Gazette fail to notice Ann Coulter’s column has been dropped. [E&P]

• The DCCC is so committed to the environment they’re recycling stock photos and a Bill Clinton quote for America’s “new direction.” [DCCC]

• Rahm Emanuel hates Blake Gottesman as much as you do. [K Street Blues]
• Also, just like you, Vladimir Putin thinks, “shot a man in the face,” is a punch line that doesn’t get old. [Mother Jones]
• Jon Stewart is unfazed by the possibility that expanding his empire will dilute the brand. [Gawker]
• Mark “Tool-y” is so far to the right he makes Genghis Kahn look like, “Ted Kennedy in a pot haze after a James Taylor concert.” [Evangelical Right]
• If “She-Jack’s” office was in a gilded crystal spire in the sky it would still feel like a dungeon. [The Hill]

• ABC News is convinced that foreign diplomats in the US are the most passive-aggressive people on the planet. [The Blotter]

• Congress to Smithsonian: eat shit and die. [LA Times]
• Mojo Nixon campaigns in Texas, “If your state don’t have Kinky Friedman, than your state could use some votin’.” [Mojo Nixon]
• The 2006 federal budget deficit is just barely out of medal contention. [Think Progress]
• The exact price Chris Matthews will pay for transparent knowledge of your soul. [Fishbowl DC]
• College Democrats are sure that you can’t raise money for something unless you dress like a five-dollar hooker. [Truth Caucus]
• Controversy at HUD! Agency only hires women with first names ending in “ee”! Some are cute, some are felons! [The Smoking Gun]

• In the mixed-up world of Connecticut politics there’s one thing Joe Lieberman can count on. [Corrente]

• How many naked Libertarians can you fit in the back of a squad car? [AP]
• The drunker the President gets, the safer we are. [Bring It On!]
• Durty Jerz is about heritage, not hate. [Four Four]
• The American military is like the Green Lantern, dependent on willpower and unable to fight yellow things. [Matthew Yglesias]
• Johnny Deep is really just a better looking Jerry Falwell, puffy shirt notwithstanding. [Collective Sigh]

• Under no circumstances, in this world or another, has Joe Biden ever been, “brown and down.” [Love and Haterade]

• A glass of water, the right size buns, and a little time for digestion would be all it takes to “liquidate” the North Korean nuclear program. [SFGate]
• Vladimir Putin touches young boys, “like a kitten,” but the question remains: hot or not? [Things That Make You Go "Hmm"]
• He may touch children with the soft pad of his paw, but the economies of the European Union will feel the full power of his one-dimensional petrochemical based economic leverage, er, claw. [Andrew Sullivan]
  Accusations of plagiarism faced by Ann Coulter may go unsubstantiated as man hired to find proof is afraid to, “make my eyes bleed.” [Galley Cat]

• The sandy beaches are calling you Justice Stevens - heed them, please. [Southern Appeal]
• Easy-E rolls over in his grave as gangs resort to blogging their threats: “Your page views ain’t shit bitch, you gettin’ blasted.” [Wired]

• Ken Lay predicted his own death! Just like Biggie Smalls and Martin Luther King! [Consumerist]

• Unless he didn’t, and is in Fiji right now. One of the two. [Dealing In Subterfuges]
• The name of the Dong. [Andrew Sullivan]
• We must reduce our dependence on foreign sources of kimchi! [Rude Cactus]
• Harold Ford of Tennessee - corruption so deep even Reuters can’t find it. [Sweetness & Light]
• James Wolcott is all about red meat and illegal fur - but draws the line at Honduran hookers. [James Wolcott]
• The lower you go in the Hookergate investigation the shadier the characters get. [TPM Muckraker]

• Stephen Colbert is so huge, he’s both “in” and “out” at the same time. [MSNBC]

• The New York Times: helping the terrorists any way they can. [McSweeneys]
• The Ted Stevens clip-art guide to the internet. [Meryl Yourish]
• Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales confuses in-flight magazine feature with actual power, launches site to increase “intelligence” of politics. [American Way; Central Campaign Wikia]

• YouTube, vloggers, and predictions for 2008 that comprise the wet dreams of the vloggerati. [James Kelm's Home Page]

• New Jersey’s got debts that no honest state can pay. [Gawker]
• The new and improved Bill Keller: now with an army of “demi-human reporter-goons.” [Rude Pundit]
• Joe Lieberman likes splitting hairs as much as he likes combing them over. [Roger Ailes]
• Europeans stunned by speed with which CIA starts front-companies. [Counterterrorism Blog]

* Schwarzenegger reconsiders stance on “girlie men,” now on “same team” as gays. [Boi From Troy; Gay Orbit] MORE »

* Bush twins unemployment index goes to zero at the same time the Bush twins in DC index goes to zero. Saddest possible trombone plays a solo for every bar owner in Georgetown. [Fresh Politics] MORE »