Wonkette

• New lobbying group, “Hybrid Owners of America” to demand unlimited access to smug attitudes. [Detroit News]

• “Driving while honky” soon to be an arrestable offence in the Midwest. [HuffPo]
• In Oregon, macaca isn’t a racial epithet - it’s just a guy. [Re-Elect George Allen! ]
• Jim Saxton (R-NJ) can’t wait to pop a cap in some geese. [AP]
• Iraqi insurgent filmmakers praise Michael Moore, then go back to making bombs. [Reuters]

• British Deputy PM calls Bush administration, “crap.” Dick Cheney’s heart warmed by the innocence. [The Independent]

• Sneaky Canadians confuse American governors with their sneaky Canadian jokes. [Boing Boing]
• Willie Nelson makes a non-smokable donation to Cindy Sheehan’s “ranch.” [KCEN-TV]
• Orrin Hatch admits Democrats will take control of Congress, just like their terrorist masters want. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• TSA now targeting people who “looked pissed off,” everyone in the security line at Dulles to be arrested. [NYT]

• Bill Frist shows his compassionate conservatism by tolerating Nantucket-summering douchebags [Melissa C. Morris]

• In Sweden, all girls named Inge, all think Condi’s gay. [Swedes for Obama]
• The Colorado gubernatorial race hinges on the polarizing sheep-fucking issue. [Pandagon]
• Esquire “We’re not gay, really” Magazine congratulates Barack Obama for not dressing Sensenbrennerly. [Esquire]
• Newspapers plan on buying RV and blowing the kids’ inheritance, as they’ll be dead in 5 years. [E-Consultancy]

• At 9:30 tonight, after roughly your 8th beer, the US will have been in Iraq longer than it was in WWII. This is because the Nazis were total pussies. [Ironing The Flag]

• President Bush’s high school report card shows an eager, if unfocused young learner. [McSweeney's]
• More fuel for the debate on whether life in Washington imitates The West Wing or whether The West Wing imitates life. [Blog DC]
• Michael Fitzpatrick (R-PA) has a staffer crash a conference call to pepper his opponent with petty challenges - good thing John Kerry likes watching a campaign implode as much as the next guy. [Fact-esque]
• Air America is still on the air in America, you just have to have America’s most powerful radio to hear it. [WFMU]
• Fox News lets no paranoid conspiracy theory go unreported. [YouTube]
• West Virginia: so shitty even penniless immigrants from the third world won’t live there. [MSNBC]

• Bill Bennett: separated at birth from another fat blowhard. [Brains Over Bombs]

• The Condi Rice issue of Playboy will finally reveal her turn-ons, including, “a hard throbbing insurgency.” [The Anacostia Diaries]
• The massive anti-hotel-room-porn lobby badly stumbles when their ad featuring a masturbator in handcuffs incites more masturbation. [Pandagon]
• Power outage causes spontaneous orgies on Tokyo subway trains. [ Reuters]
• If you can’t get drunk on the plane, the terrorists have won. [BusinessWeek]
• Michael Chertoff got The Chase and Minority Report from Netflix last weekend, world to suffer. [Boing Boing]

• Ned Lamont not dissimilar from another famous Lamont, have more than just selling junk in common. [Hot Johnny]

• Congressman Ralph Hall “loves bush” wants to “pull down his britches” and show him how much. [Pink Dome]
• Blair and Bush: one is working hard, the other’s hardly working. [ThinkProgress]
• Americans go AWOL in culture war. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Deserters to form own Army whose central tenet is unwavering belief in all internet conspiracy theories. [Shakespeare's Sister]
• A double barreled shotgun: when you absolutely must shoot every motherfucker in the room, in the face. [Andrew Sullivan]
• ExxonMobil uses loser who lives in his parent’s basement as cover for their An Inconvenient Truth parody. [The Raw Story]

• Al Sharpton’s descent into madness reaches new milestone with incorporation of the “Space Jam” theme song into Connecticut rally speech. [Hartford Courant]

• Dilbert creator longs to be a cog in the machine. [Dilbert Blog]
• A convenient truth: global warming is producing new premium beers. [BBC]
• Intern humiliates DHS by creating informative website in two flip-flop-wearing months. [Boing Boing]
• If Smith Point advertised on television, this it what it would look like. [Logged Hours]
• Some days Tony Snow wishes he was still asking the questions, instead of not answering them. [Boozhy]
• National Conservative Student Conference peddling masturbatory fodder to “baby wingnuts.” [Pandagon]

• Katherine Harris pens blog post, incites flurry of pandering to Florida’s Cuban voters. [The Hill Blog]

• Ousted from Connecticut, Juan Liebermantienez to lead coup in Cuba. [The Satirical Political Report]
• Vanity Fair releases military tapes from 9/11, titles article as if it were a classic rock box set. [Vanity Fair]
• The Republican party of Oregon, apparently more racist than in other states. [Oregon Live]
• Expect one less mysterious “tax” on your phone bill as Congress closes books on Spanish American War. [News.com]
• Christians pray for stability in Iraq, so they can hurry up and start proselytizing. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Relive all the hot Texan backrub action at the G-8 with this new video game — fastest finger wins! [Addicting Games]

• Rupert Murdoch carries heads of state in his pocket, “like so many nickels and dimes.” [HuffPo]

• In order to make “Senator Katherine Harris” a reality, she’ll have to succeed where the Mafia and John Kennedy failed. [The DC Universe]
• Ohio’s centuries of bad luck continues, as billboard with gross-out aborted fetus image gets flown over Cleveland. [Evangelical Right]
• Prince “I’m Never Gonna Be King” Harry enjoys fine automobiles, Red Bull, and horseshit. [Borrowing Trouble]
• Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney kicks off nascent presidential campaign by heading to Iowa and blurting racist comment from his honky mouth. [AP]
• Laura Sessions Stepp immortalized by Great Moments In Journalism, still desperately needs to get laid. [Gawker]

MORE »

• In case there was still any doubt as to why MTV will never do a season of Real World in DC: a Francis Fukuyama/Charles Krauthammer blowjob scene. [The Corsair]

• If a journalist writes 4000 words on the relevance of journalism in the internet age, and every reader does the first-n-last paragraph scan, do the other 3900 words exist? [New Yorker]
• Referring to the large number of Boston police officers testing positive for marijuana, Urban League CEO says, “it seems like it’s a chronic problem.” [Boston Globe]
• Mention the Washington Time and bad puns spew forth like diarrhea from the mouth. [Fishbowl DC]