Would anyone mind if the Washington Post just declared Bill Donohue, President of the Catholic League, the winner of the amateur pundit talent show immediately? Donohue was a “guest voice” yesterday on Jon Meacham and Sally Quinn’s religion thing, in which he heroically thought of this one alliteration: “America’s Secular Saboteurs.” He’s like, “The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they’re too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.” But like actually. MORE »

As a famous statistician once said, “Three data points make a trend,” and that is why we can now confidently announce that the Bible study-group-slash-frat house known as the C Street Group stands at the cutting edge of the marital infidelity movement. MORE »

Jesus, has this 2008 election happened already? Like last week sometime? Nope, it starts exactly seven days from today, and will end sometime in December after all the dumb Virginia Democrats who voted November 5th are cast into the sea and John McCain is crowned Permanent Dictator by the Supreme Court, which does not legislate from the bench. Or! Or Barack Obama will win the election fairly cleanly and handily, and Sarah Palin will immediately commence her 2012 REVENGE PLOT. MORE »

You know who hates edible Christmas gifts and loves the New Testament? James Dobson, that’s who! And that’s why he despises Barack Obama and his delicious fruitcake Constitution for pointing out that Leviticus says a lot of wacky shit about shellfish. Wait, did that last bit make zero sense? Then it still makes one million times more sense than what Focus on the Family’s leader will be saying on his radio program today. MORE »