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Posts Tagged ‘religion’

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

MAH JESUS BOOK DON’T NONE LIKE THIS: Oh heavens, first they came for our family, and then our hamburgers, and then our family again, and now our motorcars too: “Police in Manila are looking to convert their patrol cars to run on a mixture of diesel and used cooking oil from McDonald’s, officials and the company said Tuesday.” MCDONALD NOW YOU GITCHER HOMO OIL OUTTA MAH F-250 ELSE’N ISE FIXIN TA BOYCOTT MAH RIDE ‘N’ RUIN YER ECONOMETRICKS. [AFP/Breitbart]


Fat Fundie Idiots Make ‘Boycott McDonald’s’ Video

Thursday, July 24th, 2008

So of course these mouth-breathers running the American Family Association’s “Boycott McDonald’s” program have a YouTube channel, how did it take us so long. Quick background for newcomers: a few Christian Fundamentalists are boycotting McDonald’s because this “restaurant” supports fags, the end. You can watch their funny one-minute trailer about Ronald McDonald molesting your children with his hamburgers, after the jump. MORE »


Friday, July 11th, 2008

BARACK OBAMA IS THE HOTTEST JEW SINCE ERIC BANA IN ‘MUNICH’: According to 1 percent of respondents to a Pew research poll, Barack Obama is not a fire-breathing Muslim or a wingnut Christian but in fact a nice Jewish boy, just like Sammy Davis Junior. [Pew Research Center via The Plank]


Barack Obama’s Secret ‘Abortion’ Stance Comes To Light

Monday, July 7th, 2008

My friends, since the Main Stream Media will not say it, we must: Barack Obama supports the legality of something called “abortion,” a procedure in which Jeremiah Wright and his imam minions steal your babies and sacrifice them to Hollywood Liberals. Why has this not been covered? Surely it is the stuff of Scandal? Thankfully we have the Christian Defense Coalition, which is launching its “Abortion President” attack campaign on Obama. Exactly how many of God’s babies has Barry personally killed? MORE »


Ted Haggard Finishes Spiritual Restoration, Is No Longer A Homo!

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

American hero Ted Haggard, the former pastor of a MEGACHURCH in Colorado Springs who quit in 2006 after fucking male prostitutes while on meth, has finally finished his holy “Spiritual Restoration” program, and can do whatever he wants. And all he wants to do is bang his wife and worship Jesus and live in his old house, with Jesus! [AP]


Barack Obama Is A Self-Loathing Muslim

Wednesday, June 18th, 2008

Politico’s Ben Smith has posted a HIT PIECE on Barack Obama today, calling him a FRAUD, who is CONSCIOUS of IMAGE. Two Muslim women, apparently, were supposed to stand behind Obama’s podium at his big Al Gore Rally in Detroit on Monday. They each were wearing “Muslim headscarves,” however, and since Barack Obama must not ever be near any known Muslims, his campaign volunteers wouldn’t allow the two gals behind the podium after all. So now we’ve got one of those Old Politics/New Politics/Hypocrisy things on our hands. MORE »


Meet Barack Obama’s Crazy White (But Maybe Black) Guest Preacher One Time!

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

Ruh roh, it appears they don’t only have crazy black preachers at Barack Obama’s church! Here is a crazy white preacher (first in history!), Michael Pfleger, guest-preaching at Trinity recently. He’s NUTS! Look at what he says about Hillary, ha ha: “When Hillary was crying, and people said that was put on, I really don’t believe it was put on… I really believe that she just always thought, ‘This is mine! I’m Bill’s wife, I’m white, and this is mine! I just gotta get up and step into the plate.’ And then out of nowhere came, ‘Hey, I’m Barack Obama,’ and she said, ‘Oh, damn! Where did you come from? I’m white! I’m entitled! There’s a black man stealing my show!’” Pfleger is such a fake whitey that he preaches at his OWN black church in Chicago, because there are several! The point: why is Barack Obama saying these things? [ABC News, YouTube]


McCain’s Beloved Nutball Friend Hagee Apologizes To The Great Whore

Tuesday, May 13th, 2008

Follow me to the Great Buffet!In Heaven, a secret cabal meets every Shrove Tuesday to match up nutjob religious leaders with the presidential candidates they will embarrass the most. John McCain’s assigned kook is pastor John Hagee, an Evangelical preacher who loves Jews, the apocalypse, and long walks on the beach, and hates Mondays, broccoli, and Catholics. So it shocked everyone today when he acted like a complete hypocrite by refusing to stand by his crazy remarks about our papist brothers and sisters. MORE »


Jeremiah Wright Thinks Something Unfair Happened!

Thursday, April 24th, 2008

Since Barack Obama couldn’t answer the important question “Is Jeremiah Wright as patriotic as you are?” with any shred of decency in last week’s ABC debate, Wright is now explaining his obvious black hatred of all things white on his own terms. His First Televised Interview will appear on PBS tomorrow night, but we have excerpts, and they’re predictable, etc. etc., why is he such a Christian Muslim? MORE »


Masterful Bill Kristol Pens Best Column Yet!

Monday, April 14th, 2008

Quiet ye unenlightened Cretans, for the man’s tortured quill is ablaze with righteous argumentation! We speak of New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol, of course, the most inquisitive and trenchant commentator in Western Hemispherical History! For his Monday column he tackles whatever the big Saturday news happened to be (as per usual). In this case it’s Barack Obama’s inflammatory selection of the adjective “bitter.” As used in a sentence in liberal San Francisco! Most conservative commentators have been running with the nitwit’s interpretation: that Obama is an unforgivable liberal elitist elitist liberal elitist. Ballyhoo and tut tut! Kristol takes that extra leap that only a Harvardian of his ethno-brainian historical knowledgo-centrism can understand: Obama is a communist! MORE »


Christian Fat Cats Regret Not Supporting Huckabee

Tuesday, April 8th, 2008

Last month in New Orleans, a secret cabal of leaders from the Christian right met to discuss their evil plans. Among them was Paul Weyrich, a big wig with the Moral Majority, Heritage Foundation and the super-secret Council for National Policy. Weyrich had previously supported Mittens “Mitt” Romney, and took the occasion to apologize for not supporting Mike Huckabee, the bass-playing Arkansas ex-fattie who people only liked because he told comical jokes written by your grandfather. MORE »


Bawling Mukasey Defends Spies, Calvinists

Friday, March 28th, 2008

But what about the Shakers?An emotionally fragile Attorney General Michael Mukasey addressed audiences at the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco yesterday and nearly wept at the thought of the American government having its precious spying freedoms taken away. He also observed that Muslims, and not followers of a strict Protestant religious sect, deserve the government’s hairy eyeball. MORE »


Tony Blair To Teach Religious Globalization Management At Yale!

Friday, March 7th, 2008

So long, Vicar!New-age “Cool Britannia” third-way bullshitter Tony Blair didn’t get his dream job (Pope of the UN/EU) so he’s taken the next best thing: a lecturing gig at Yale! Tony has always loved the Ivy League types, and it didn’t really matter whether Bill Clinton or George W. Bush were in the White House — they went to Yale, so he loved them like brothers. MORE »