Tag: religion

Fa la la la la, la la la SHART

‘Fox & Friends’ Jizz Their Stockings In Yuletide Rage

Two of the unique strains of brain syphilis that sit on the "Fox & Friends" couch every morning have finded a real War On Christmas! Oh so exciting! You see, there is this school in Brooklyn, P.S. 169, and...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: What’s The Deal With The Breast Milk, Huh?

Welcome back, friends, and a Chappy Chanukkah to our friends of the Abrahamic persuasion! It's time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin, a weekly mashup of the creepiest, crawliest, most lurid tales of depravity and sin this side...

Fox Doesn’t Find Your Zombie Jesus Jokes Funny, Young Man

Have you heard about the zombies? Zombie Mary and Zombie Joseph and little Zombie Baby Jesus, away in a manger on some dude's lawn in Sycamore Township, Ohio? Yes, the Zombie Nativity Scene is a thing. Quite a thing!...
PEW! PEW! PEW!

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Deep In The Heart Of Stupid

Greetings, pardners, and welcome once again to the Snake Oil Bulletin. We've got us a rootin', tootin', hole-in-head-shootin' round of stories on the agenda this week, all taking place in that great throbbing, barbecue-thrombosed heart of America, Texas! Yeehaw!...

Egypt Does Archaeological Dig On Ben Carson’s Brain, Discovers A Idiot

Brilliant neurosurgeon (OR IS HE?) Ben Carson is officially an international disgrace. Congratulations, doctor! You have now joined the elite ranks of several other Republican presidential candidates who have forced foreign nations to "Well, ACTUALLY" them, for their stupidity. Other...
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort Heidi.

Ted Cruz Demands Next President Start His Day Praying To Jesus Or Giving Head

Another week, another Jesusfestapalooza of Jesus-Americans letting their Jesus-freak flag fly, in the name of the holy spirit of founding fathers, amen. This one was called the "National Religious Liberties Conference," emceed by rightwing radio preacher Kevin Swanson, homeschooling advocate...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Putting The Moran In Mormon

Welcome back, pagans, heretics, and heathens alike! It's time once more for the Snake Oil Bulletin. This week we're taking a break from our usual skullduggery, flim-flammery, and general assorted chicanery to take a look at those nice folks...

Kansas Teacher Does The Gay Agenda To Kids, Refuses To Resign In Shame

Welcome to Kansas, where the deer and the antelope play, the cows had voting rights before the women, and you're not supposed to be nice to the homosexuals. So there's a middle school social studies teacher in Conway Springs, Kansas,...
See? Grammar not a problem.

Texas Couple Fights To Keep Kids Good And Stupid, The Way Jesus Likes ‘Em

There are no times tables at the Second Coming, that's what yr Wonkette always says. And apparently Michael and Laura McIntyre of El Paso agree with us, as they are suing the state of Texas for their God-given right...
This is easily the most animated he's been in months

Ben Carson: Bible Proves He’s Ready To Be President Of Noah’s Ark

GOP presidential candidate Dr. Ben "The Sleepy Potato" Carson was pretty busy in Colorado Thursday. In addition to his brave "softball questions only" demand for future primary debates, he also delivered a version of his stump speech at Colorado Christian University,...
They're only cuddling to protect each other from the Devil Women.

Dudes Who Wait Until Marriage Bad At Boning, Probably Gay, Says Science

Hey-o, my fellow Christian bro-mies, what are YOU doing? Just staying abstinent until marriage, because you're pretty sure Jesus says no getting your dick wet until you're with whatever lady-wife you pick out at age 19, like a common...
Gary Larson did it better. But Trump IS a vulture...

Super Christian Donald Trump Thinks Ben Carson’s Weird Religion Is Weird

Oh, golly, Donald Trump and Ben Carson are in another God Fight. Or at least Trump's trying to start another one. During a rally in Florida Saturday, Trump said, in that offhanded way he does when a thing happens to...
At least now they can explain every tornado for the next ten years

Ten Commandments Removed From Oklahoma Capitol, Governor Would Kill To Get Them Back

The day after workers yanked the big ol' Ten Commandments Monument from the Oklahoma Capitol grounds and moved it to a conservative think tank, Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin called on the state legislature to pass an amendment to the...
Christian who somehow has not been jailed yet

Meet This One Christian Baker Who’s NOT A Dick To Gay People!

Being a fundamentalist Christian who owns a cake-baking business or works for the government as the county clerk is SO hard. You have to get up each and every day and go to work and abide by super-unfair laws...
Guess this makes them serious candidates.

Donald Trump And Ben Carson Having A Good Old-Fashioned God Fight

Oh, goody, the two top Republican primary candidates are having them a Godfight! It's all Ben Carson's fault, of course, because he "attacked" Donald Trump the other day by suggesting that Trump may not exactly be the world's most...
Catholic mothers suffer the most. True fact.

Sundays With The Christianists: The Day My Idiot Brother Brought Salvation To Flagstaff, Arizona

This post originated with an offhand comment in the Wonkette Sekrit Chat Cave; we were talking about one of those nice evangelical stunts to "help" sinners by telling them, in gory detail, precisely how hellbound they are, out of...