Known magazine TIME reported earlier in the day that Barack Obama, who hasn’t been to church since quitting Jeremiah Wright’s mosque last year, has chosen as “his primary place of worship” the “Evergreen Chapel, the nondenominational church at Camp David,” where other congregants include local forest creatures such as rabbits and donkeys. George W. Bush also “chose to worship” there, at the president’s secret Maryland lair, because if there are no cameras then you don’t actually have to go. But the most interesting thing about this TIME report is that it is WRONG and Barack Obama still hates Mister Jesus. MORE »

Iran is on the cusp of something — who knows what, but everyone’s sure! — and health care reform is free-falling towards a centrist compromise to give the uninsured thirteen cents and a get-well-soon card, but here’s the pressing issue for the White House, if we are to believe Fox News’ Major Garrett and some other lady asking a follow-up: why haven’t you picked your new family church yet? It was a CAMPAIGN PLEDGE. [YouTube]

Former George Bush Jr. press secretary and current Mark Penn employee (as part of the Microtrend “My Concubines”), Dana Perino, simply does not care for this Barack Obama going to a Muslim country and addressing Muslims directly as Muslims, because somehow being aware of various cultural backgrounds is a zero-sum game, and for every Muslim Barack Obama pays attention to, an old white pentecostal nut in northwest Georgia is forced to sit at the back of the bus. Or so she wrote on America’s Blog! MORE »

This quite possibly could trump “Dijon mustard” in the scandal rankings. Why does Barack Obama refuse to impeach himself for being Satan?

Here’s a terrible story about insanity and perversion and other things that are just SO DISTURBINGLY BIZARRE that you wonder why Jesus & God ever created humans, other than to be pets for the important dinosaurs. From AMERICAblog: “A reader contacted me last week, saying that last year, in the heat of the presidential campaign, the Mormons had posthumously baptized Barack Obama’s mother, Stanley Ann Dunham.” And the Internet confirms! WHY WOULD TAGG ROMNEY DO THIS? MORE »

The Indecision Forever blog ranks this Newsbusters poll as “The Dumbest Piece of Internet Pollution This Earth Day,” which would be true, if it weren’t for the comments section immediately below it. MORE »

It was pretty useless and unnecessary for Barack Obama to go out of his way to give a major economics speech at one of Georgetown’s most haunting, gilded Jesus chambers on Tuesday and request that all symbols there be boarded up; because except for a few libtards, who cares if the three letters, “IHS,” are written on some wall. THEN AGAIN maybe he had those letters covered for the express purpose of watching National Review’s Kathryn Jean “Jonah Goldberg” Lopez flip out, which she did, providing ample entertainment for the American Internet during these tough economic times. So thank you for that, President Abortionist! MORE »

Newt Gingrich is suddenly a papist! Does he know that he now has to live in Maryland, the designated Catholic slave colony of Lord Baltimore? It’s true. Gingrich was converted in D.C., however, at a Capitol Hill church the other night, after which he went to “celebrate” at the very fancy Cafe Milano restaurant, with lobbyists. Why did he switch to this new Jesus? Well his young (and third) wife is Catholic, so this will shush her up good for a few years, until he divorces her for a new teenager. But obviously the real reason is that he wants to be president and has already calculated some close electoral college scenario where this will put him over the top in a crucial Rust Belt state. [The Caucus]

The cool young urban hipster Barack Obama refuses to hire anyone over the age of 40 except Rahm Emanuel. His chief speechwriter, his cook, and now his what do you call it, head of the White House Office of Faith Based and Neighborhood Partnerships, are all under 30. This newest very young person is just 26 years old, his name is Joshua DuBois, and he made headlines as a BU freshman standing up for 41 hours in front of a Martin Luther King memorial to honor Amadou Diallo. MORE »

Hey gays, here’s your least favorite person in the world, Noobama, who had been introducing some new economic slobs at a presser until the Q&A, when everyone asks him why he picked Chunksy McLardtits to deliver the Christian speech at his inauguration. Obama responds, “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” and then offers a series of actual words that basically carry the same weight as “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.” MORE »

Rick Warren is a big shot evangelical preacher at a 600-trillion-person church in Southern California, meaning he’s also the puppetmaster behind American politics. You may remember his “Saddleback Forum” over the summer when he forced Obama and McCain — both of whose personal cell numbers he keeps — to babble about Jesus in his church, individually, while the other was being molested by rabid frogs in a Cone of Silence. Well guess what people, he’s now invited himself to give the wingnut invocation at Obama’s inauguration melee. This news does not please America’s many homosexuals. MORE »