religion
The End Is Near: Time Running Out To Join Amazing Jesus Pyramid Scheme
Greetings in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ! This morning we would like to appeal to your faith and spirit of service to pass on the chief message of the New Testament: Gotta get that paper, stack that paper, take they paper. Jesus wants you to make a shit-ton of money, friend, and we [...]
My Jimmies Remain Rustled: Wonket Teen Korner For Teenz, Religion Edition
Well, dear Wonketteers, Kid Zoom has had his carefree teen life disrupted by a new source: religious people imposing their ideas on others. I am sick and tired of people assuming that critical thinking is a virus, and injecting their vaccine of religion to keep this disease out of our schools once and for all. [...]
Michelle Malkin’s Lessons From Newtown: Teach Your Kids Not to Fear Death
Oh are we still doing this? Writing stupid garbage so we can figure out Why It Happened and What We Can Do (Besides Restricting Guns) T0 Make Sure It Never Happens Again? Yes, we are still doing this, or at least, Michelle Malkin is and she has some really new ideas, none of which have [...]
O’Reilly Launches Next Volley In War On Christmas: Christianity Not Religion
Good morning, Warrers On Christmas. Much has happened since our last intelligence briefing. Last night, Dessert Fox Bill O’Reilly released another video of propaganda from his bunker in the Fortress of Falafel. He did that thing where he invites an opposing viewpoint onto his show, then kicks the shit out of him. From Raw Story: [...]
Marco Rubio Becomes 2016 G.O.P. Frontrunner By Being Cuban, An Idiot
In case you missed it, there was an election a few weeks ago, and one of the parties was reaaaaally banking on older white men to vote for them, because that was the only group they had not condemned to hell. This party was called “Republicans,” and they did very poorly, as a great many [...]
Hero Maryland Pastor: Vote Against Gay Marriage Or You Should Die
So there’s this Maryland referendum coming up for a vote on November 6, see, and it’s about letting gay people marry each other. You know, so they can get those sweet tax deductions, and visit each other in the hospital, and share health insurance, and commit publicly to the one they love — all that [...]
Washington Times Stakes Out DNC Prayer Room; Bothers, Judges People
Happy Sunday, everyone! Except those of you who are Democrats, because you obviously hate God so much you will boo His name. You do you not get a happy Sunday, and you will only get one when you pray more — the jig is up, heathens, and the Washington Times is onto you. We know [...]
Stand Up For God By Giving Allen West Your Money
Remember when we told you about how the DNC delegates did that voice vote about putting God and Jerusalem in the platform, and the mayor of Los Angeles just made up the results, and then it kind of looked like the Democrats were booing God? Don’t worry, somebody noticed. Though the stupid fake voice vote [...]
DNC Delegates Finally Resolve This ‘God’ Business By Going Insane
The Democratic draft platform is cruising right through to completion! You know, just going through a few little amendments via voice vote. Like this business about inserting the word “God” back into the platform and recognizing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. Well, one is a semantic issue and the other goes against longstanding U.S. [...]
Former FBI Lady Saw Angels At 9/11 Crash Site, Also Happens To Be Selling A Book
In what is either an inspring story of God’s love for us all or maybe evidence that first responders deserve far better treatment for PTSD, very serious news site WND brings us the account of one Lillie Leonardi, who was the community affairs coordinator for the FBI’s Pittsburgh office when she was sent to the [...]
Lousiana’s Publicly Funded Jesus Camp Education System FINALLY Teaching Students Loch Ness Monster Is Real
We’ve been bashing on Louisiana a lot lately — pointing out how they’re pretty much the awfulest state in the union, how their prison privatization plan is dumping more convicts into shopping centers prisons than any other state in the country, how their plan to send the state’s students to religious schools hit the predictable [...]
The ‘Evangelicals Won’t Turn Out For a Mormon’ Narrative Is Done, Spent, Over
So, who still wants to expose the evil secret teachings of the Mormons, because Mitt Romney is one of them and he is running for president? This wishy-washy Beltway Wonkette hack author doesn’t and can’t imagine that any of the millions of liberals who’ve said “A candidate’s religious beliefs shouldn’t matter” or “Even if he [...]
Your Cutesy Little Insight Into Mormonism Sucks
Oh man, so, you know that cutesy little insight you may have Mitt Romney and the Secrets of Mormonism that you think could pass off as clever or “ironic”? Well, it’s not really interesting at all, nor is it clever, and you don’t know what irony is. So please, please, cut the crap, Brian Schweitzer [...]
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