Now why’d he do this: “Political observers across New York are asking today whether Erie County Executive Chris Collins has irreparably damaged his prospects for statewide office after he compared Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver to Adolf Hitler and an Antichrist during a Saturday speech in Buffalo.” The best part is that Sheldon Silver is a Jew, and Jews are terrified of Hitler and Christians calling them Antichrists. No, wait. The best part is that Chris Collins meant this as a “joke,” when he called the Jew those awful names. No, wait. The best part is after the jump! Oh ho ho! MORE »

Christmas seasons starts earlier every year, they say! At malls and stuff! They start selling Christmas things earlier every year! Ha ha ha it is the funniest trend. But what of its corollary, the War on Christmas, the wingnuts’ seasonal proxy war to defend its precious nativism from the clutches of terrorists and House Democrats? It starts earlier every year, too, and is starting ultra-early this year, as we all know that this new “president” will try to pass legislation to abolish Christmas, its conifers, its temporary retail shacks, and the Christians themselves. Do you have any white grandmothers, and do they have AOL accounts? Because those inboxes are likely to have at least six or seven “FW: KENYNA COMMIE BAAMA 2 MURDER JEEBUS’ PRESENTS DAY” sitting near the top of the tray, right now. MORE »

• LIKE THE FARMER’S ALMANAC, BUT GOOD: Holy moly! We didn’t even bother to explore the rest of that burny church’s website at first, but it is nuts, man, it is a stone cold treasure, and we just hope someone in that asylum remembers to pay the Internets bill each month. [Amazing Grace Baptist Church: Sports News]

One of the very very important court cases the Supreme Court is tackling during its first week back is Salazar vs. Buono, about “whether a 5-foot cross on federal government land in the Mojave National Preserve violates the Constitution’s Establishment Clause.” This dumb cross is a memorial to World War I, specifically, and it is currently BOARDED UP because one religion or another got mad at the Christian religion. These people are all completely insane. But most insane is Antonin Scalia, who got all hot and bothered during Tuesday’s hearing! MORE »

Well how about this! Jacksonville artist David Durrett sends this “real painting” (super-sized) to your Wonkette and writes, “I love Wonkette, and was inspired to do an acrylic response to the Jesus painting yesterday! Hope you like it!!” Yes it is very nice! Maybe Obama can steal this one too, for his house. Also, we’re awarding first-time commenter Shortpacked with an “iPhone” for his take, which was quite a hit yesterday, in the comments. What have the rest of you slobs done lately? [Yes You Canvas, Shortpacked]

Here’s a great new ad from the anti-gay-marriage amendment crusaders in whatever state is “doing that” now… ah, super gay Washington state. God and the Jesus made marriage for men and women, so they could fuck and have children and play in piles of leaves. How would you heteros like it in you’re splashing leaves with your children Little Johnny reaches into the pile only to grab the exposed cock of a hidden homo? You simply would not care for that. UPDATE: Oh hey what is this about permissions now? Just click the link. Dumb “Vimeo.” [Vimeo]

Current pope “Adolf Hitler” was raped by a spider today. Look at that lil’ guy, walkin’ and spider-poopin’ all over Il Popo. Kathryn Jean Lopez is not going to like this one iota. (For some reason we assumed this was a political video, what with the subject of this website and all, “politics.”) [Rumproast]

Oh this is amazing, you should watch. (IF YOU ARE AT WORK THEN PUT ON HEADPHONES.) The lovely Values Voters Conference is taking place in DC this weekend, and every Republican worth his or her salt is there, telling off the gays. The organizers of this event, however, appear not have set up a satisfactory reporting section for the credentialed news networks, like MSNBC and even Fox(!), whose correspondents are being accused of RUDENESS while one wingnut or another is trying to speak on stage. Also: will your editor and possibly Liz Glover be stopping by this conference at some point tomorrow? Perhaps… [YouTube]

Mexican-ish Lousiana Governor Bobby Jindal loves old Jesus so much. We know this. One time, in college, he more or less raped “saved” a lady from the terrible devil-goblins inhabiting her body, with Jesus’ Magic! Anyway, he’s been doing some other weird thing recently: “In May, June and July, there was rarely a Sunday when the governor didn’t board a taxpayer-funded helicopter to attend church services in far-flung parts of the state. He traveled by helicopter to churches less frequently in March and April.” He’s not just going to these places to steal from the collection plates, either: he’s… preaching? About Paris Hilton? According to an Internet video? Come again? Let’s just let a blockquote do the work here… MORE »

Hmm. So maybe there is one of those “God” things after all? When asked if he’d run for political office, unlicensed handyman and Constitutional originalist Joe Wurzelbacher said, “I hope not. You know, I talked to God about that and he was like, ‘No.’” Joe will be in Austin on July 3 to celebrate the day our anti-Communist Founding Fathers signed the Book of Mormon, which explicitly forbids taxation. Everyone’s invited! [WND via Think Progress]

Known magazine TIME reported earlier in the day that Barack Obama, who hasn’t been to church since quitting Jeremiah Wright’s mosque last year, has chosen as “his primary place of worship” the “Evergreen Chapel, the nondenominational church at Camp David,” where other congregants include local forest creatures such as rabbits and donkeys. George W. Bush also “chose to worship” there, at the president’s secret Maryland lair, because if there are no cameras then you don’t actually have to go. But the most interesting thing about this TIME report is that it is WRONG and Barack Obama still hates Mister Jesus. MORE »