Tag: regulations

‘Pro-Life’ Utah Senator Mike Lee Totally Fine With Flint Babies Drinking Poison Water

Once they're born, babies can go screw.
Haw haw, fuck you, Earth!

Donald Trump Knows Less About Energy Than Sarah Palin Does. Let That Sink In

Donald Trump just loves coal and oil, they're just tremendous and terrific. YOOOGE.
It's like a beautiful rusty rainbow!

Don’t Be Jealous Of Flint, America, You Probably Have Poison Water Too!

Almost every time we write about the multiple bureaucratic and political failures that led to the poisoning of Flint, Michigan's water supply with incredible amounts of lead, we pour ourselves a nice cold glass of clean water from our...
Please drop your condescension toward the Senator from Massachusetts. You have 20 seconds to comply.

Elizabeth Warren Pretty Sure She Knows A Thing Or Two About How Banks Work, Thank You

There's this guy, Jamie Dimon, who's the CEO of JPMorgan Chase. He thinks it's sad that banks aren't allowed to break the law. And Wednesday, he said a real Stupid Thing. He said, to a whole greedful room of...
Oh, wow...his vibe is groovy for like 5 minutes, and then he's, like, a massive bummer

Sure, Rand Paul Is Now A Tree Hugger, Why Not?

In yet another attempt to convince people who aren't paying attention that he's a totally different kind of Republican, Rand Paul has come out as a self-proclaimed "tree hugger" who thinks composting is groovy and that clean air and...
Didn't they send all the Puritans over here?

British Nanny State In Spot Of Bother At Freak Mustachio-Ride Skinflick Demises

British porn fans are about to see some changes in the material available for their wanking pleasure -- or at least in the domestically produced stuff. Last year, the Conservative government banned rape porn -- not in-real-life rape, which is...

Rick Perry Just Can’t Get Enough Prison Rape

Texas Gov. Rick Perry has advised the Department of Justice that Texas just can't afford to comply with burdensome federal laws aimed at preventing prison rape, so the state just isn't gonna, OK? Also, he's going to tell other...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Stocking Stuffer Of Stoopid

Happy Solstice, you ugly vile little snark mob! Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we steam-clean our browser tabs, clearing out a bunch of stories that weren't worth a full post on their own, but...

Bernie Sanders Will Pogrom Capitalism By Not Letting Banks Regulate Themselves

Hey remember when you lost your job and all your assets, or maybe took on tens of thousands dollars in school loans so you could pay for an education that would help you get a part-time job in retail?...

Michigan Lawmakers Want To Let You Own Lions And Tigers, Just As The Founding Fathers Intended

Let’s say you live in Michigan and want to buy a man-eating wild animal. Thanks to burdensome regulations, it’s very difficult to buy a tiger or a bear unless you are a major civic institution zoo. That’s the government...

Nice Black Lady On Fox And Friends Makes Responsible Slavery Comparison

There seems to be one and only one qualification for becoming a Prominent Black Conservative these days: accusing other black people of either being willing slaves, or accusing some Democrat of enslaving them. It is perhaps the easiest job...

Wingnuts Furious: Nanny Obama Coddles Goatherders With Cots And Lanterns, If You Can Even Believe It

President Barack Obama is a nanny stater who loves nothing more than to Oppress you with his nannying, and Human Events has got the PROOF: there are now regulations that say that if you employ a foreigner to be...

Jamie Dimon, Welfare Queen

When we last checked in with Jamie Dimon, he was getting a tongue bath from Jim DeMint (R-Jamie Dimon’s Butt) because Jamie Dimon is a Very Big Man in charge of a Very Big Bank that makes Very Big...

Toymakers Fight For Right To Poison America’s Adults

There's pretty much only one thing America's broken system of governance can do anymore, and that is Protect The Children. This is why all children by law must be strapped into car safety seats and wear helmets at...

Michele Bachmann GRILLS Ben Bernanke About ACORN

Harried Money Emperor Ben Bernanke testified in Congress again today about upcoming financial regulation measures and apparently pleased the Socialists by saying that increased transparency won't do the trick -- you have to straight-up ban certain financial instruments, starting...

Obama’s Latest Socialism: ‘Regulating’ ‘Derivatives’ ‘To Prevent’ ‘Global Collapse’

Sure, Barack Obama changed his mind about releasing the very scary photos of widespread medieval U.S. war crimes everywhere, but Robert Gibbs cut off that leftist hippie firestorm right quick when he stole a reporter's telephone and everyone got...