• Barack Obama and Bundesrepublik Deutschland Wurstdame Angela Merkel had an awkward relationship in the ’80s, but now they are willing to put the past behind them and cut a deal. Prediction: Merkel gets AIG and Obama gets to massage Merkel’s muscular shoulders. It is peace for our time. [HuffPost]
• The Mystery of Reducing Health Care Costs was simplicity itself: elementary, really. “Why, Holmes,” chirped Watson, “did Obama kill all the old people to save money?” Indubitably, my dear Watson. Indubitably. [RedState]
• How many marijuana cigarettes does Barack Obama smoke in the Oval Office every day? Trick question! He rips bong. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS) is now the third Republican to state publicly that he will vote NO on Sotomayor, no matter what. But if he had been the FOURTH Republican he would have won the toaster oven! [Think Progress]
• On July 4, Barack Obama will be savoring deep-fried Dijon-infused Bolivian Revolution Burgers with Hugo Chávez. And Evo Morales might stop by later, with an eighth of his famous Inca Herb. [Michelle Malkin]

Oh here’s a nice response to Barack Obama’s “Ich bin ein Muslin” talky-talk in Egypt: “The first 15 minutes of President Obama’s speech to the Muslim world was what I wanted to hear from candidate Obama a year ago. Had he given that portion of his speech during the presidential campaign much of the irrational fear of Obama as some sort of Muslim Manchurian candidate would have been relieved …. This was one of President Obama’s more important speeches and he rose to the occasion and delivered a fine speech.” And this was posted at, uhm, RedState What? MORE »

Thanks Erick! August 1, hmm… ah, nevermind, that’s when our programs are on. But if any Wonkette readers would like to partake in RedState Rumspringa 2009, you can “show your commitment to attend by locking in” for a small price. [RedState]

Beloved wingnut blog RedState has taken an important stand against the Senate campaign of orange-skinned gay RINO and Florida Governor Charlie Crist. “If the NRSC thinks this is smart, we must not waste our time or energy with them,” RedState’s Erick Erickson wrote today. “Join me in pledging no money, no help, no aid, and no support for the NRSC’s efforts in the 2010 election cycle.” Yes! MORE »

Offered without comment: “What’s even more creepy is that the other person in the picture is his sister. And, as if lifted from the pages of Deliverance, she has his name tattooed on her back. Think about that one for a minute …. Soon Levi will sell his tell all book, delightfully ignoring awkward questions about his relationship with his sister while relishing in the awkward details of his relationship with Sarah Palin.” [RedState]

Remember that goofy “Earth Hour” that took place whenever, sometime last week, when a bunch of Australian hippies unplugged their GORP generators for an hour to save the earth? Apparently some intrepid conservatives/global warming deniers decided to use MOAR ELECTIRICETIES during that same hour, just to be dicks! MORE »

A smart person at the RedState blog has discovered an article on the secret website “CNET” about how Barack Obama plans to capture the Internet and run it, more or less. “Total control is their only goal,” warns the intrepid Kenny Solomon. “The uber-geek-lib-techies under the spell of President TelePrompTer will do anything asked of them, legal or not and probably are already anyway. This will just make it all nice and legal-like.” Obama knows nothing about the “law” anyway, unless it comes from his teleprompter, haw haw haw. (Fortunately Mr. Solomon also provides two bits of comic relief to soften this terrifying piece of news. “Snarky note number one” is the funniest fucking thing ever.) [RedState]

Yesterday the Politico — and fine, here is your precious LINK, Calderone! — revealed to the world the Secret Leftist Cabal Chatroom where policy experts talk to bloggers off-the-record and tell them what to write on their blogs. Its Master is young communist health care blogger Ezra Klein, who decided to bring these people together in secrecy after discovering that Twitter was probably not the safest outlet for such secret secrecy. It is the most major Conspiracy in Washington right now, and RedState is hot on the case. So what goes on inside the “JournoList”? MORE »

• Meet Barry’s new socialist realism fashion patch thing! There’s a branch (symbolizing ACORNS), and stars (for Lenin) and the colors red, white, and blue (for reasons unknown). [Top of the Ticket]
• Most infamous non-wolf Palin nemesis, Kim Elton, a member of Alaska’s House of Lords, has jumped right into Obama’s tank, specifically into the Department of the Interior as the “Director of Alaska Affairs.” [CNN Political Ticker]
• RedState.com has begun stockpiling idiots and probably uranium in a quest to strengthen its virtual army of guerrilla insurgents, who will fight Obama’s stated mission of taking away America’s freedom and distributing it, in rations, to the communist internment kibbutzes on which we will all be forced to live in ~6 months. [RedState]
• Bill Clinton is so happy and relieved now that people are finally paying attention to his paintings, which he has never previously mentioned or displayed. [Daily Intel]
• A DC bus driver attacked McGruff, the animated crime dog whose career was in large part the inspiration for season one of the Wire. The bus driver thought thought McGruff, who was clearly just fighting crime, was trying to be funny. [DCist]

Did you know that according to THE LAW, this holiday is simply called “Washington’s Birthday” and not “President’s Day,” as the mattress stores and car dealers have taught you to believe. According to one person on the Internet, the misconception — like most misconceptions, as well as abortion — stems from some liberals getting together back in the day and trying to ruin America. MORE »

MAN does it suck to be in the Congressional minority leadership, especially when you’re the Republicans and you’ve got enraged Bitters calling your office and screaming the latest pitchfork-mob chants from Limbaugh every waking second, for no reason. The RedState blog has its own way of endlessly prodding: stunts. Hyper-masculine, masturbatory war stunts with PHOTOSHOP logos. The most ongoing of these is the “Red State Strike Force,” a juiced-up, earnest nickname for what is basically… an e-mail list. And here’s the latest, where you mail Mitch McConnell some “balls,” like “golf balls,” because there is nothing secretly gay about a BADASS STUNT where you mail gross, old Mitch McConnell a pretend set of testicles. MORE »