• FREE LEARNING SESSIONS OVER AT REDSTATE: Erick Erickson prepares to make an epic argument: “Let’s review our grammar for one moment. A noun is a word that defines what an object is, i.e. a dog. An adjective is a word that describes one attribute of the noun, i.e. the dog is brown. The noun is the dog because that defines the object in question and the adjective is the color of the dog, describing one attribute of the dog.” Next week: prepositions! Be scared! [RedState]

RedState’s #1 duosyllabic unisex clown Moe Lane has a lot of big feelings about the recent announcement that some panel now suggests women don’t have to get annual mammograms until they are 50. Now: Moe Lane isn’t an oncologist, nurse, researcher, lawyer, insurance company employee, or federal government employer per se, but he feels pretty confident that HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius’ recommendation that everyone ignore the panel’s findings is some sort of big government conspiracy thing, maybe, to secretly strengthen bureaucracy or something (?). So confident, in fact, that RedSate has a new proto-failed meme: “The War on Breasts.” MORE »

Uhhh… so let’s melt Olympia Snowe again? [RedState]

For RedState, the time has come to fling poop toys at a Blue Dog Democrat. Erick Erickson writes, “Here’s the thing — if we make Earl Pomeroy’s life extremely painful for the next week, Republicans are going to think twice about jumping ship and so will a lot of the Blue Dog Democrats.” The actual Oxford-Harvard dictionary definition of “extremely painful” is “have some toy poop show up at your office in North Dakota.” It is more painful than cancer & Hitler combined. [RedState via Salon/War Room]

Oh hey girlfriends! Erick Erickson is so confused because how do all the gals, all of them, not love Obama’s health care plan when Obama himself is such a dreamboat? It’s weird right? Ha ha, it’s like, unless we’re like a bunch of lesbians we should be on board with this thing automatically. It’s called biology, and it’s a science—or so the boys tell us! [RedState]

Here is the Wall Street Journal’s important journalistic follow-up expose on Erick Erickson’s infallible plan to convenience Olympia Snowe out of office, forever. Erick Erickson was so stoked yesterday about getting a call from the WSJ, and check out all this killer contextualization he did. MORE »

Looking forward to this WSJ article, based on this epic thing. Can you imagine how many votes Olympia Snowe will win for life if her staffers go neighborhood to neighborhood giving each household a bag of rock salt for the winter? [Twitter]

This happened. [RedState]

So! Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize this morning and everyone on Earth—and the moon, way 2 stick it out moon!—could not be more surprised. Look at Robert Gibbs, just cold saying “wow” on a Twitter thing belonging to CBS person Mark Knoller! And “Erick Erickson,” some sort of retarded cousin of Robbie Robertson and #1 journalist on top Internet destination RedState.com is just a little caught off guard because he “did not realize the Nobel Peace Prize had an affirmative action quota for it.” Someone get Erick Erickson every single gold medal from the 2016 Olympics. MORE »

Someone sends RedState a photo of this unfunded, dinky thing, in Texas, and Erick Erickson writes, “We need that spirit in this country. We need the Spirit of Skidmore.” As tipster “Michael E.” writes, “An example of some garbage museum that the conservatives think should be the gold standard. ‘Welcome to the Smithsonian Institution, now without federal of state funding, open Sunday 3-5PM!!’” Indeed. It’s easy to maintain a museum when all it features is a bunch of old, rusty mechanical shit laying around the parking lot. [RedState]

• Their fingers are bedecked in all kinds of purity jewelry, for they have taken an oath of abstinence, a solemn promise to wait until Rush Limbaugh tells them it’s okay to say “yes” to something other than anal. But until then, the Republicans must fight the lustful Yes Demons in their heads. [Think Progress]
• There is a malicious rumor that Big Government will get between seniors and their Medicare, like an enormous slimy corn intervening between their toes. A terrible lie, debunked by Michael Steele. [Matt Yglesias]
• Did you know that a squadron of power drill-wielding CIA agents found a stack of graphic torture anime, in Al-Qaeda’s Torture House (not to be confused with Al-Qaeda’s famous Waffle House)? Well now you know. [Gateway Pundit]
• From the Merriam-RedState Dictionary: hy·poc·ri·sy (n) - “Hypocrisy is a willful professing of a belief, that one that does not truly believe. An outspoken Christian who commits adultery is not a hypocrite.” The End. [RedState]
• Barack Obama had a sexy “golf foursome” on Martha’s Vineyard. [The Caucus]

• Matt Yglesias writes about Refrigerator Policy. [Matt Yglesias]
• The Taliban Hobbyist Kit: Buy 1 pickup truck, get 1 AK-47 FREE! While supplies last, in Missouri. [Think Progress]
• If you wouldn’t mind, would you take a look at this cartoon for a moment? So as you can see, the National Deficit is represented by black asphalt/goo? Anyway. If this comic is supposed to criticize Obama for adding to the deficit, shouldn’t he be adding more goo, instead removing a huge-ass chunk of it, with an excavator? [RedState]
• Andrew Sullivan always finds the cleverest ways to avoid leading the Iranian Revolution. People are counting on you, Andrew! [Andrew Sullivan]
• It seems that Barack Obama said something really dramatic the other day, something like, “Our economy is in ruins? And no one wants to take the blame? Give it to me. And I will socialize it, to save you from your sins.” Stigmata! [AMERICAblog]

• Barack Obama and Bundesrepublik Deutschland Wurstdame Angela Merkel had an awkward relationship in the ’80s, but now they are willing to put the past behind them and cut a deal. Prediction: Merkel gets AIG and Obama gets to massage Merkel’s muscular shoulders. It is peace for our time. [HuffPost]
• The Mystery of Reducing Health Care Costs was simplicity itself: elementary, really. “Why, Holmes,” chirped Watson, “did Obama kill all the old people to save money?” Indubitably, my dear Watson. Indubitably. [RedState]
• How many marijuana cigarettes does Barack Obama smoke in the Oval Office every day? Trick question! He rips bong. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS) is now the third Republican to state publicly that he will vote NO on Sotomayor, no matter what. But if he had been the FOURTH Republican he would have won the toaster oven! [Think Progress]
• On July 4, Barack Obama will be savoring deep-fried Dijon-infused Bolivian Revolution Burgers with Hugo Chávez. And Evo Morales might stop by later, with an eighth of his famous Inca Herb. [Michelle Malkin]