Tag Archives: red state

  he's tense and nervous and he can't relax

Erick Erickson Is Mad As Hell And Just Isn’t Going To Make Sense Any More

We started to write about Erick Erickson, Anger Bear Ken Doll, yesterday, because he’d recently written an incoherent yet completely rage-fueled thing about how you can TOO discriminate against the gays because it is in both Leviticus AND the New Testament unlike the prohibitions on shrimp and clothing with mixed fibers, nyah nyah nyah. It’s an argument we’ve seen before, though usually in a way that doesn’t devolve into telling everyone that if they talk about the Old Testament prohibitions in a way that Erick Erickson thinks is wrong, they are probably going to hell. In fact, often times the person who throws out the shellfish and mixed fabric line claims to be a Christian — one of those Christians with a mind so open to everything it is full of nothing. Dear well meaning poseur, atheist, and other people hostile to Christianity — these are shibboleths of the damned. If you throw these out, it is an immediate signal you are more likely than not destined for hell fire. We are not really sure what he is on about there, but we assume that “shibboleths” was on his word of the day calendar and he got so excited he had to get in in somewhere. We should have known better than to sleep on Erick Erickson for a full day, though, because he upped his game like a fucking bawse and made the shibboleths thing look positively sane by comparison by writing a yellpost about how we should impeach the president or the media should want to impeach the president but are too busy gobbling president cock to report on Obamacare’s failures to do it or something something something “cocktails.” Read more on Erick Erickson Is Mad As Hell And Just Isn’t Going To Make Sense Any More…
  I know you are but what am I?

Red State’s Erick Erickson Goes Gynecological On GOP And Obamacare

Erick son of Erick, with extra Erick on the side, we are just so mad at you. Once again you have failed us all, and not just for being the wrongest Erick ever to Erick. We are mad because in your latest great attempt to be a big old “yeah I said it” sayer of terrible things, you were completely unable to man up and straight out call out the female-body-part-that must not be named, and instead came up with the stupidest euphemism ever employed. In a September 17 blog post, Erickson said that Obamacare must go because A full quarter of the American public wants Congress to actually blow up Obamacare. When is the last time a full quarter of the whole population wanted Congress to do any one thing? Erick has a funny idea of what a “majority” is! And then he wrote: “the GOP, its allies in the press and pundit core, and its very leadership are such [insert euphemism of choice related to the female reproductive system] that they’d rather plan their surrender before making their retreat.” Say what? The GOP Congress is nothing but a bunch of fallopian tubes and ovaries? Read more on Red State’s Erick Erickson Goes Gynecological On GOP And Obamacare…
  meghan mccain is now officially the 'king of pop'

Hey When Did That Jerk Start Working There? A Guide To 2013’s Least Important Media Hirings

Are you a huge sports fan? Of course not. You are reading Wonkette, which means that you spent gym class defending yourself from a cloud of dodgeballs being thrown in your direction with copies of Mad Magazine and A People’s History to the United States. Well, in between seasons in professional sports, there is this thing called “free agency” where teams negotiate with players and eventually sign them to contracts after discussing salary, benefits, and specific performance clauses. It’s something like one of those fancy “union negotiations” that your grandpa used to tell you about back when he had a job that was able to provide for his family of 12. The news media that you compulsively ingest like the foie gras goose that you are doesn’t have a defined “season.” Its awfulness is spread out throughout the year to make sure that every nook and cranny of your brain is covered in a fine and even sheen of bullshit. But in the last week, THREE prominent folks whose names will immediately prompt shudders in the deepest depths of your soul have new jobs within the punditry universe! That’s right, GM is alive and journalistic integrity remains dead because Meghan McCain, Tucker Carlson, and Dana Loesch all have new homes from which to continue polluting the world with their derivative brands of battery-acid caustic drivel. Read more on Hey When Did That Jerk Start Working There? A Guide To 2013’s Least Important Media Hirings…
  sex monsters

Conservative Pundits To Youths: Stop Being Such Trollops At CPAC

It is a true fact that there were a full dozen or two ladies at CPAC this year wearing sparkly cocktail dresses approximately ten million inches above the knee from nine in the morning ’til eleven at night, each being pursued by 10,000 sex-starved young conservative males. Why else would they all go to CPAC? To respectfully take notes on Richard Viguerie’s conservative movement stories from the mid-60s while sipping on a club soda? That may be why your Wonkette went, but most of the students simply came to revel in the awkward late-adolescent/30-something sexual tension fest. And that has got to stop, according to Internet conservatives Erick Erickson and Melissa Clouthier. Next year, genitals will be banned. Read more on Conservative Pundits To Youths: Stop Being Such Trollops At CPAC…
  hamilton vs. burr 2010

RedState Guy Says Tom Friedman Acts Like a Jackass On Amtrak

Our nation’s leading pundits can always be expected to act like the gentlemen-scholars they are, especially while riding public transportation. That’s why CNN fringe-right psychopath Erick “RedState” Erickson has just been twittering important eyewitness accounts of bestselling conventional-wisdom hack Thomas Friedman allegedly being a total asshole to some poor Amtrak employee, who apparently didn’t dispose of Friedman’s tampon quickly enough. Read more on RedState Guy Says Tom Friedman Acts Like a Jackass On Amtrak…
  everyone with a book

ERICK ERICKSON TO WRITE GREATEST BOOK SINCE ‘BIBLE': Thankee, CNN! “In Red State Uprising, Erickson lays out a plan for a conservative counter-revolution to restore America’s constitutional government as the Founders envisioned. Using hard data and historical evidence, Erickson shows that there is a ‘right-size government,’ and what Americans must do to downsize government before it is too late.” The data and evidence shall be unfuckwithable. There will be math, variables, science, charts, robots, and even more math — should the robots keep up their end. *shakes fist.* [Media Bistro via Balloon Juice] Read more on …
  republicans in the news

CNN’s New Star Just ‘Too Passionate’ When He Called Michelle Obama a ‘Marxist Harpy,’ Etc.

CNN’s new anchorman, RedState turd Erick Erickson, is very sorry for calling David Souter a “goat-fucking child molester” because, uh, people are so offended by Erickson’s dumb bullshit that they yelled at his wife! (The nerve!) So, what Erick Erickson means is, he’s sorry that you were offended by his blog, which after all is just a blog! Read more on CNN’s New Star Just ‘Too Passionate’ When He Called Michelle Obama a ‘Marxist Harpy,’ Etc….
  online petitions are awesome

Teabaggers Will Get 1 Million Facebook Twitter Signatures To Repeal NobamaKKKare, With Your Help!

Oh boy guess what? The Teabaggers figured out a magical way to REPEAL the not-yet-signed Health Care Reform Bill. But does it require getting up off your fat fucking lard ass and turning away from the ‘puter for a moment? Not at all! And is it potentially effective, or even loosely based on American Democracy or the much-loved but never-read U.S. Constitution? Nope, not at all! Let’s do this thing. Read more on Teabaggers Will Get 1 Million Facebook Twitter Signatures To Repeal NobamaKKKare, With Your Help!…
  strap it on folks

CNN’s New Blog Planning Campaign of Terror Against America

Have you heard that CNN hired the blog Red State to be its new political commentator, to keep up with Glenn Beck or whatever? It is true. And the blog Red State is super-double crazy, which is fine and all, but now it is advocating some kind of insane “The Joker vs. Batman” wave of constant vandalism and harassment and destruction, nationwide, 24 hours a day, if those Democrats who were elected to run the White House and the Senate and Congress try to enact any of that legislation they were elected by wide margins to pass. Says this Red State person who we surely hope is wearing a V For Vendetta plastic Guy Fawkes mask: “They fear the threat of physical pain.” Why does CNN advocate violence against American democracy? Read more on CNN’s New Blog Planning Campaign of Terror Against America…
  crucial corrections

Barack Obama Might Still Think He Could Be Governor Of New Jersey

RedState’s Moe Lane, an apparent male (?!), recorded a very flattering and pithy video message for President Obama, who, you’ll recall, famously lost New Jersey’s gubernatorial election last night. It’s very important that Moe Lane videotaped himself smugly intoning the words “No, you can’t” in what appears to be a sunken house boat because of so many reasons. [RedState] Read more on Barack Obama Might Still Think He Could Be Governor Of New Jersey…
  redstate.com in the news

Douchey No-Name Bush Speechwriter Writes Douchey Racist Thing On Twitter

Will someone throw some work at George W. Bush’s gang of ex-speechwriters? Recall “Matt Latimer,” an actual alien who wrote an essay for GQ magazine after stumbling across an encyclopedia of all known cliches that he found lodged under some forgotten moon rock on Mars. This latest one, “Josh Trevino,” is not as bad—because he’s not A. Matt Latimer or B. Hitler or his outer space equivalent, Space Hitler—but he’s a pretty horrific man. The evidence is two-fold: 1. This Josh Trevino co-founded pay-as-you go pornography search engine RedState.com. 2a. This is arguably not the most offensive thing Trevino has ever done. Read more on Douchey No-Name Bush Speechwriter Writes Douchey Racist Thing On Twitter…
  stormin mormon

Gays Strike Back At Mormons With Proposition ANTHRAX

Just a week or so ago, California Mormons reproduced in reptilian-fashion, thereby increasing their population several times over. “Be fruitful and multiply,” Joe the Mormon God commanded from a modernist ranch house atop a hill in LA. “This is in preparation for Election Day, when ye shall amass at the polls and vote in favor of Proposition 8.” It worked! And now gays and San Franciscans, with their despicable San Francisco values, have started anthraxing Mormon temples. You see, they know no other way. Read more on Gays Strike Back At Mormons With Proposition ANTHRAX…
 

Remainders: Straighten Up and Fly Right

* Wanted: one really corny looking white dude to show up at parties and mock Rick Santorum, by acting just like him! Hilarious! [Philadelphia Weekly] * The World Citizens Guide, aka, everything you would know already if you weren’t a dumb hick. [SFGate] Read more on Remainders: Straighten Up and Fly Right…
 

Shadegg Becoming the Christian Bale of GOP Netroots

John Shadegg seemed to be making all the right moves toward getting into the GOP House leadership race. He cleared his name of any Abramoff connected money and got endorsed by Red State. But what Read more on Shadegg Becoming the Christian Bale of GOP Netroots…