Wonkette

Oh irony: the most math-averse candidate in the presidential race now needs the numbers on his side…and the numbers are pissed. MORE »

The well-behaved supporters of Dr. President Ron Paul are determined to get a recount in New Hampshire because of Eeyore the Diebold Machine turning all Paul votes into sad, non-existent pandas. A group of them called the “Granny Warriors” — perhaps a play on “Granite State,” although that took several hours to determine and may still be wrong — raised $55,600 to turn over the NH Secretary of State’s office for a recount. But then their PayPal account was MYSTERIOUSLY AND PERHAPS INTENTIONALLY frozen right before the transfer of funds. So the Granny Warriors missed the deadline, and now there’s no recount! Internet to explode in 3… 2… 1… MORE »

* Donald Rumsfeld looks forward to criminal prosecution, hopes to be the Tim Robbins character when he finally gets to jail. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Stay tuned to Comedy Central for his cell mates bios and an interactive prison yard game. [Comedy Central Insider]
* Angry Democrat mob chases well paid assholes, looks to jam things up their well paid assholes. [Whiskey Bar]
* Conservatives looking to find a new bogeyman to inspire fear and loathing in Middle America, turn to the gay illegal Mexican immigrant. [Boozhy]
* Ballot counting in unresolved Ohio race on hold till after the Ohio State-Michigan football game next week. [Think Progress]
* Market efficiencies allowed the business lobby to already be puckered and ready for Democratic ass kissing. [The Hill Blog]
* Happy Veteran’s Day: “The Marine Corps Rules for Gun Fighting.” [The Evangelical Outpost] MORE »

Elections last forever now. The 2006 midterm will keep going until we all die. Senator George Macacallen promised last night to keep fighting and holding footballs in places where it’s inappropriate and weird to be holding footballs for as long as it takes to keep his seat. Challenger Jim “Women Be Shopping” Webb is ahead by two or three votes or something, but because Virginia is insane, no recount can happen until the vote is certified, which won’t be until after Thanksgiving. MORE »

• The new American tradition: Waking up the day after election day only to find that no one still has any clue what’s going on in the crucial races that were undecided when you went to bed. This year: Allen/Webb in Virginia and Burns/Tester in Montana. [NYT]

• But yeah, the Democrats took the House — won more than two dozen seats, didn’t lose a single one. [WP]
• “While a recount seems likely” in the Virginia Senate race, “it will not come quickly.” Hoo-fucking-ray. [AP]
• Democrats also have a majority of governorships. So many things for them to fuck up over these next two years. [WP]
• Holy shit, Speaker Pelosi. [WP]
• Only mild chaos met those stupid enough to vote on fancy electronic vote-stealing machines. [NYT]
• The “coalition” of people that kept voting for Bush has soured a bit on the war. [USAT]
• Thankfully, everyone does still hate the gays. [Time]