Tag Archives: recipes

  first lady recipes

Make Some Boozey Chocolate Cake With Betty Ford!

Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter slash fiction photo-comics for Vanity Fair: Here is one for the “chocoholics,” starring Betty Ford! It’s a Chocolate Icebox Dessert, and while it SOUNDS racist, that is just because of all the liquor. Read more on Make Some Boozey Chocolate Cake With Betty Ford!…
  wonkette's thanksgiving traditions

How To Make Wonkette’s Actual Awesome Real Cranberry Business

It’s that special time of year when we all give thanks for 25% real unemployment, the never-ending real-estate collapse, terrible schools, broken infrastructure and a bunch of mouth-breathing cretins sticking their hands up Granny’s hoo-ha at the airport. And that means we should all gather around the oven and watch Aunt Wonkette make its world-famous boozed-up cranberry sauce! Read more on How To Make Wonkette’s Actual Awesome Real Cranberry Business…
  famous first-lady recipes

Nancy Reagan’s Thanksgiving Offering: Monkey Bread!

Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing pill-popping anorexic Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight the people at the Holiday Table with this splendid treat. Read more on Nancy Reagan’s Thanksgiving Offering: Monkey Bread!…
  bourbon for breakfast

Give Thanks To Your Wonkette Pals, With Recipes!

While Barack Obama appoints Mr. Peabody as the Secretary of Science or whatever and no other news happens except the usual daily rain of Great Big Depression statistics, let’s give THX for whatever it is that didn’t go terribly wrong this year (the election, for example!) by sharing our favorite T-day food, beverage and dessert recipes right here, in the comments! Read more on Give Thanks To Your Wonkette Pals, With Recipes!…
 

Cindy McCain’s Tell-All Memoir Due Out This Fall!

If you ever wondered about the secret lives of pill-popping blondes but were too lazy to crack Valley of the Dolls, future First Lady Cindy McCain will help you out. In her memoir, due out just a few months before her angry midget husband is crowned Emperor of America, she will reveal all of her secrets to staying healthy, wealthy, and married to a physically and emotionally fragile war veteran. In other words, the book will be a sort of Less Than Zero meets Deceptively Delicious with a sprinkling of Old Yeller. It will sell one trillion copies after Oprah adds it to her Book Club. [On Politics] Read more on Cindy McCain’s Tell-All Memoir Due Out This Fall!…
 

Cindy McCain Stole Recipes From Innocent Quakers

As usual with these terrible betrayals of the public trust, it’s not the crime — it’s the coverup. If First Lady Cindy McCain had “talked straight” with the American people years ago and said, Yes, I get all my recipes from the Blue Cross drug formulary, we could have moved on. But instead she engages in this dangerous dance of deceit, leaving a trail of broken dreams and cribbed recipes behind her. One intrepid sleuth just uncovered what may be the first documented incident from Mrs. McCain’s life of shadowy food-crime — an error that may end up costing John McCain precious votes with a once reliable constituency… Read more on Cindy McCain Stole Recipes From Innocent Quakers…
 

CINDY MCCAIN THROWS RECIPE THIEF INTERN UNDER THE BUS: Who is to blame for the terrible plagiarism scandal involving food recipes and sticky-fingered Cindy McCain? An intern, of course. The McCain campaign says the offending person has been “swiftly dealt with,” by which we assume “quietly murdered.” [TMZ] Read more on …
 

Cindy McCain Also Steals Recipes

Is there anything new first lady Cindy McCain won’t steal? The beer heiress stole husband John McCain back when he was relatively young and handsome and needed a new wife, she stole dope pills from her own medical charity, she furtively brought home some orphans from Bangladesh one time, she continues to steal “stray” dogs, and now the Cougar Baroness is accused of stealing recipes from the Food Network! Read more on Cindy McCain Also Steals Recipes…
 

Larry Craig Wants To Share His Super Tuber With You

Everybody loves recipes, especially when political leaders submit their “favorites” for charity or whatever. Here’s the most beloved recipe of Gay Larry Craig, the beloved “Super Tuber.” This won’t stay on the internets forever, so here’s a copy for posterity — it’s pretty much the most phallic gay-sex recipe in history. Read more on Larry Craig Wants To Share His Super Tuber With You…
 

World’s Crappiest Campaign Sites

Let’s start with Rep. Kay Granger of the 12th District in Texas. She’s an incumbent, seems to be in a safe seat, and doesn’t need some “net roots” hi-tech nonsense. A basic website is fine. Read more on World’s Crappiest Campaign Sites…