May 21, 2013
Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere: Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight [...]
Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of [...]
The following is our annual repost of Ken Layne’s Real Cranberry Business, because when we bought this bitch we bought the archives too. One hundred and seventy two years from now, “Ken Layne” will be retelling his cranberry business recipe … from the grave!
OK, sure, we made fun of Rush Limbaugh for putting saccharine in his hot cocoa recipe and frying a chicken in Crisco. But were we being fair? Not really. We finally saw The Help last night, and according to Minnie, not only will Crisco soften your elbows but it is the Platonic Ideal for frying [...]
SF Weekly’s Crap Archivist may have found his greatest treasure yet: a 1980 Kansas City Royals cookbook, before Ol’ Porkbutt had conquered the world and was still a lowly Royals front office “director of group sales.” We will let the Crap Archivist talk you through it:
It’s that special time of year when we all give thanks for 25% real unemployment, the never-ending recession and real-estate collapse, terrible schools, broken infrastructure, cops crushing the skulls of our lawfully protesting children, the scent of pepper spray in the air, a group of dangerous psychopaths running for one party’s nomination, and a bunch [...]
Most Americans today completely ignore politics and Congress, and most of those who follow the stuff very intensely are, you know, insane, and the only “congressional recipe” America’s Abused Liberals know about is the Larry Craig “super tuber,” which is a wiener forced inside a hole cored in a potato, again and again, until both [...]
Sorry we didn’t do this yesterday — we were at Disneyland, haha, just like that pardoned presidential turkey — but as it’s still only 10:30 in the morning on the East Coast and 7:30 a.m. on the West Coast, we’ll make the wild assumption that you’re all not up and cooking already. (Many of you [...]
Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter slash fiction photo-comics for Vanity Fair: Here is one for the “chocoholics,” starring Betty Ford! It’s [...]
It’s that special time of year when we all give thanks for 25% real unemployment, the never-ending real-estate collapse, terrible schools, broken infrastructure and a bunch of mouth-breathing cretins sticking their hands up Granny’s hoo-ha at the airport. And that means we should all gather around the oven and watch Aunt Wonkette make its world-famous [...]
Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing pill-popping anorexic Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight the people at the Holiday Table with this splendid treat.
While Barack Obama appoints Mr. Peabody as the Secretary of Science or whatever and no other news happens except the usual daily rain of Great Big Depression statistics, let’s give THX for whatever it is that didn’t go terribly wrong this year (the election, for example!) by sharing our favorite T-day food, beverage and dessert [...]
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