Tag Archives: recipes

  thanksgiving at the corner

Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Happy Anus Burger-Turkey Day!
Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of some factory farm turkey. Read more on Let Us Now Praise Famous K-Lo Recipes: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers…
  wonkette thanksgiving classics

Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan

Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere. Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight the people at the Holiday Table with this splendid treat. Read more on Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan…
  beloved traditions

Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business

The following is our annual repost of Ken Layne’s Real Cranberry Business, because when we bought this bitch we bought the archives too. One hundred and seventy two years from now, “Ken Layne” will be retelling his cranberry business recipe … from the grave! So enjoy this re-post of this Holiday Favorite from 2009: Read more on Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business…
  These brownies don't even taste like child labor!

Need Brownies? Try These Super Intense Fudgy Brownies

I really wanted brownies. You know how it is! What am I going to do when I want brownies, but the only sugar I have on hand is raw sugar? I’m going through with it anyway, to enjoy the most intense brownies I have ever made. Read more on Need Brownies? Try These Super Intense Fudgy Brownies…
  Open up and say mmmrfffghhhlll

What Is Wonkette Ramming Down Your Throat Today?

Corn dogs. It has come to this, and the devil is dancing tonight! Corn dogs are the terribleness I was up on Faceborg, drunk, and Trix found me out. I have been dispatched to bring this special summertime delight to Yr Wonket, because this is an urgent, necessary evil. If we are to bear the miseries of this world, we need to be able to tell our poor hearts to live a little now and then. Read more on What Is Wonkette Ramming Down Your Throat Today?…
  wonkette thanksgiving classics

Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan

Enjoy this Wonkette Holiday Classic recipe all over again, as though The Gipper was still wandering around somewhere: Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing our favorite first lady Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight the people at the Holiday Table with this splendid treat. Read more on Making Thanksgiving ‘Monkey Bread’ With Nancy Reagan…
  thanksgiving at the corner

K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers

Important National Review Online pundit Kathryn Jean Lopez only really gets excited twice a year: When she makes up another excuse to get people to send her a bunch of porn, and when Thanksgiving comes around so she can post a Real American recipe involving ten smashed-up anus burgers stuck up the body cavity of some factory farm turkey. Read more on K-Lo Posts Her Dream Recipe: Carcass Stuffed With 10 Hamburgers…
  beloved traditions

Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business

The following is our annual repost of Ken Layne’s Real Cranberry Business, because when we bought this bitch we bought the archives too. One hundred and seventy two years from now, “Ken Layne” will be retelling his cranberry business recipe … from the grave! Read more on Put Some Food On Your Family With Aunt Wonkette’s Real Cranberry Business…
  never thought we'd say 'poor rush'

This Real Recipe From Rush Limbaugh Has Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip In It

OK, sure, we made fun of Rush Limbaugh for putting saccharine in his hot cocoa recipe and frying a chicken in Crisco. But were we being fair? Not really. We finally saw The Help last night, and according to Minnie, not only will Crisco soften your elbows but it is the Platonic Ideal for frying chicken. That thing was like a 2 hour and 30 minute Crisco commercial, with racism! We will buy a jar immediately! BUT. Did you happen to notice that thing above? It is a recipe from Rush’s mom, as also discovered by the Crap Archivist, in “Recipes from Old Cape Girardieu.” Read more on This Real Recipe From Rush Limbaugh Has Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip In It…
  sweet & low

Everything’s Better With Crisco: Real Recipes From Rush Limbaugh

SF Weekly’s Crap Archivist may have found his greatest treasure yet: a 1980 Kansas City Royals cookbook, before Ol’ Porkbutt had conquered the world and was still a lowly Royals front office “director of group sales.” We will let the Crap Archivist talk you through it: Read more on Everything’s Better With Crisco: Real Recipes From Rush Limbaugh…
  also a food blog

Here’s the Famous Real Cranberry Business Recipe From Wonkette!

It’s that special time of year when we all give thanks for 25% real unemployment, the never-ending recession and real-estate collapse, terrible schools, broken infrastructure, cops crushing the skulls of our lawfully protesting children, the scent of pepper spray in the air, a group of dangerous psychopaths running for one party’s nomination, and a bunch of mouth-breathing cretins sticking their hands up Granny’s hoo-ha at the airport. And that means we should all gather around the oven and watch Aunt Wonkette make its world-famous boozed-up cranberry sauce! Read more on Here’s the Famous Real Cranberry Business Recipe From Wonkette!…
  gross things to eat

Delicious Recipes From Ancient American Congressional Wives

Most Americans today completely ignore politics and Congress, and most of those who follow the stuff very intensely are, you know, insane, and the only “congressional recipe” America’s Abused Liberals know about is the Larry Craig “super tuber,” which is a wiener forced inside a hole cored in a potato, again and again, until both the wiener and the potato are spent. WE FEEL YOUR DOUBT SO GO NOW AND LOOK AT THIS, THEN COME BACK. There. Do you feel better? Of course you don’t. Let’s talk about History instead — the history of Congressional Cookbooks of Olden Times When Blacks Were Still Legally Prevented From Voting In Most States and World War I veterans were smashed and beaten in the streets of Washington by active-duty troops led by MacArthur and Eisenhower. You know, 1933! The last Great Depression! Read more on Delicious Recipes From Ancient American Congressional Wives…
  cooking with wonkette

Official Wonkette Thanksgiving Recipe Comment Post

Sorry we didn’t do this yesterday — we were at Disneyland, haha, just like that pardoned presidential turkey — but as it’s still only 10:30 in the morning on the East Coast and 7:30 a.m. on the West Coast, we’ll make the wild assumption that you’re all not up and cooking already. (Many of you will not be “up and cooking” all day long, and for this we either toast you or weep for you, depending on the reasons for your particular circumstance.) Read more on Official Wonkette Thanksgiving Recipe Comment Post…
  first lady recipes

Make Some Boozey Chocolate Cake With Betty Ford!

Who can forget this classic Thanksgiving liquor cake recipe from First Lady Betty Ford? Our dearly departed Juli Weiner wrote this up several Thanksgivings ago, and we still reprint it every year, even though now she makes Harry Potter slash fiction photo-comics for Vanity Fair: Here is one for the “chocoholics,” starring Betty Ford! It’s a Chocolate Icebox Dessert, and while it SOUNDS racist, that is just because of all the liquor. Read more on Make Some Boozey Chocolate Cake With Betty Ford!…
  wonkette's thanksgiving traditions

How To Make Wonkette’s Actual Awesome Real Cranberry Business

It’s that special time of year when we all give thanks for 25% real unemployment, the never-ending real-estate collapse, terrible schools, broken infrastructure and a bunch of mouth-breathing cretins sticking their hands up Granny’s hoo-ha at the airport. And that means we should all gather around the oven and watch Aunt Wonkette make its world-famous boozed-up cranberry sauce! Read more on How To Make Wonkette’s Actual Awesome Real Cranberry Business…
  famous first-lady recipes

Nancy Reagan’s Thanksgiving Offering: Monkey Bread!

Whatever the hell “monkey bread” might be — something racist, we assume — it was the thing pill-popping anorexic Nancy Reagan was known to “cook,” at Thanksgiving or whatever. For America, and for Ronnie! Delight the people at the Holiday Table with this splendid treat. Read more on Nancy Reagan’s Thanksgiving Offering: Monkey Bread!…
  bourbon for breakfast

Give Thanks To Your Wonkette Pals, With Recipes!

While Barack Obama appoints Mr. Peabody as the Secretary of Science or whatever and no other news happens except the usual daily rain of Great Big Depression statistics, let’s give THX for whatever it is that didn’t go terribly wrong this year (the election, for example!) by sharing our favorite T-day food, beverage and dessert recipes right here, in the comments! Read more on Give Thanks To Your Wonkette Pals, With Recipes!…
 

Cindy McCain’s Tell-All Memoir Due Out This Fall!

If you ever wondered about the secret lives of pill-popping blondes but were too lazy to crack Valley of the Dolls, future First Lady Cindy McCain will help you out. In her memoir, due out just a few months before her angry midget husband is crowned Emperor of America, she will reveal all of her secrets to staying healthy, wealthy, and married to a physically and emotionally fragile war veteran. In other words, the book will be a sort of Less Than Zero meets Deceptively Delicious with a sprinkling of Old Yeller. It will sell one trillion copies after Oprah adds it to her Book Club. [On Politics] Read more on Cindy McCain’s Tell-All Memoir Due Out This Fall!…
 

Cindy McCain Stole Recipes From Innocent Quakers

As usual with these terrible betrayals of the public trust, it’s not the crime — it’s the coverup. If First Lady Cindy McCain had “talked straight” with the American people years ago and said, Yes, I get all my recipes from the Blue Cross drug formulary, we could have moved on. But instead she engages in this dangerous dance of deceit, leaving a trail of broken dreams and cribbed recipes behind her. One intrepid sleuth just uncovered what may be the first documented incident from Mrs. McCain’s life of shadowy food-crime — an error that may end up costing John McCain precious votes with a once reliable constituency… Read more on Cindy McCain Stole Recipes From Innocent Quakers…
 

CINDY MCCAIN THROWS RECIPE THIEF INTERN UNDER THE BUS: Who is to blame for the terrible plagiarism scandal involving food recipes and sticky-fingered Cindy McCain? An intern, of course. The McCain campaign says the offending person has been “swiftly dealt with,” by which we assume “quietly murdered.” [TMZ] Read more on …