• A special “Welcome Back” to America’s congress, Congress, who have just returned from the least fun recess ever. They will now be expected to figure out a health care plan for a citizenry who insist that eating each other’s limbs is an effective means by which to debate health care plans. [Washington Post]
• People who know about such things disagree over whether sending more ground forces to Afghanistan will prevent future terrorist attacks or whether the key is doing a grassroots thing, whereby the Afghans learn to hate terrorism on their own. [New York Times]
• Oh good: jobless Americans have taken to forming quasi ad-hoc local militia supplements to our country’s police forces. [Wall Street Journal]
• Macaroni virtuosos Kraft Foods will purchase Cadbury, they of the Eggs, whether Cadbury likes it or not. [Reuters]
• Joe Kennedy II will not be running for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat, making the race a novel Kennedy-less one so far. [Los Angeles Times]
• Three British men were convicted on charges of unsuccessful terrorism for their botched plan to blow up seven North America-bound planes. [AP]

Today through Saturday, July 26: A squash blossom is an edible flower, and, as all edible flowers deserve specials festivals, Oyamel is hosting one in the squash blossom’s honor. In celebration, there will be small plates featuring the delectable flower for $8-$14. [Squash Blossom Festival, Oyamel] MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: There is a woman from DC on the American Idol television program, apparently… Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) roomed with, got lots of lectures from ex-House Ways and Means Chairman Bill Thomas… “GOP Sens. Richard Shelby (Ala.) and Craig Thomas (Wyo.) crossed party lines to vote to adjourn for the weeklong Presidents Day recess.” [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: How did “famous” DC-ites do in their Oscar predictions? … Ralph Nader: still a dick. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Press Club dinner scandal! Mice at the Hilton! … Our next president to be chosen by Judge Judy… Press corps not allowed to watch Idiocracy on Air Force 2. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: Mitt Romney uses PowerPoint at campaign events… Al Gore is secretly just trying to make enough money to finance his ‘08 campaign himself… Dick Armey quit smoking. [USN&WR]
* Shenanigans: SCOTUS to rule on important car chase law… Hill staffers emailing around funny joke about Bush and JetBlue, look, you should just go read it, we can’t do it justice. [Politico]

Every week, our Anonymous Lobbyist answers your questions about how laws get made and why they probably shouldn’t. If you have a question about the dirty business of doing business in Washington, ask her.

This week: Things could get worse!?

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• Heard on the Hill: DCCC spokesperson sends out birthday party Evite for “I Will Survive”-themed karaoke night “hosted by Bob Ney“… Sen. Frank Lautenberg’s (D-N.J.) office to hold mustache contest. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Former CNN anchor/sincerest man on television Aaron Brown plays important role in 9/11 movies. [WP]
• Page Six: Senator John McCain has penned a forward to a book called Debunking 9/11 Myths. [NYP]

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“I Want These Motherfucking Interns Off This Motherfucking Elevator!” (NYT) MORE »

Last week, we introduced you to our helpful Hill staffer friend. Still recovering, as are most at the Capitol, from his three-day weekend, he sobered up just long enough to answer more of your questions.

Today, our man on the inside tackles (and peppers) Hill living, Hill drinking, hot chicks, and, of course, commemorative flags.

MORE »

Remember that spate of horny Hill staffer ads that polluted Craiglist last month? They seemed suspicious at the time. You know what they say: One horny Hill staffer ad is funny, two horny Hill staffer ads are a coincidence, three are a joke. (Four horny Hill staffer ads are sign that Kennedy is hiring.) And what do you know, a reader has fessed up to convoluting the November entreaties to “spank me with your legal pads because I’ve been sooooooo bad at answering constituent mail lately.” (She says she was bored. We said December is the new August!) Of course, anything that wonkily perverse will get people’s members paying attention, and the reader has sent along one of the more lusty inquiries. Now, remember: The only thing more sketchy than the ads posted on Craigslist are the responses to them. That said, let’s hear it for the “power mad lawyer” who put his longings so poetically:

I’ll take you to my law firm and fuck you on the conference table in view of not just the White House (we’re right across the the street), but also the Washington Memorial. And I’ll have my own white obelisk ready for you, baby. And at the risk of getting totally corny with the analogies, my white obelisk is ready for a plunge into your Tidal Basin as I look into the Reflecting Pool of your eyes.

Excuse us while we expurge a Beltway of vomit.

Full letter after the jump.

EARLIER: While Their Members Are Away the Staff Will Play [Wonkette]

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