HMM MAYBE DON’T EAT RAW COOKIE DOUGH YOU FAT PATHETIC SLOBS: Nestle is “voluntarily recalling” its best-selling “Fatty Fatso Cookie Dough Tubes” because the government says people are probably getting the E coli because Americans are so fucking disgusting they are just squeezing these foul, raw, cold grease poops right into their mouths. [ABC News]

New York’s ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer and current Governor David Paterson have brought the state two scandal-friendly governors in only the last few weeks. New Jersey, on the other hand, has not had any hilarious sex governors since James McGreevey, a homosexual, resigned at T.G.I. Friday’s in 2004. They are jealous of New York’s sudden lead and are considering recalling Governor Jon Corzine. Not that he has had any T.G.I. Friday’s gay sex prostitution scandals. He just has that aura of need-to-leave, you see. [KYW]