Tag Archives: recall

  Terrizm!

Washington Times Op-Ed: Investigating Scott Walker Based On Leads From Six Criminal Associates Is ‘Political Terrorism’

Judson Phillips is known to your Wonkette as a guy who once wrote that Barack Obama just might be a crack-smoking gay sexer, which was fun. Now he’s got some words in the Washington Times (yeah but still) about how the current criminal probe into Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker’s Forever Campaign (because he is always being recalled) is “political terrorism,” and the Bush-backed special prosecutor on the case is a “political terrorist.” Ha… ha? See, Scott Walker had some friends who worked for him and/or gave him money, and now those folks  have been convicted of various crimes, so sad! Bad friends that they are, they’ve allegedly said some things that amount to: “Scott Walker’s campaign did such and such crimes.” None of this is mentioned in Judson’s column of course, because shut up, it’s political terrorism something something gay marriage. Read more on Washington Times Op-Ed: Investigating Scott Walker Based On Leads From Six Criminal Associates Is ‘Political Terrorism’…
  pantheon of fallen heroes

Farewell Janice Daniels, Celebrated Homophobe Mayor and Facebook Poet

As we continue to mourn our Fallen Heroes, let us not forget Mayor Janice Daniels of Troy, Michigan! This beloved character danced onto the pages of our Wonkette storybook earlier this year, when she put on her Snuggie, logged into her The Facebook account, and started yelling “QUEERS!!!!” at children. It did not take long for the people of Troy to decide they did not care for this Janice Daniels, because Troy is supposed to be known for its fancy mall, not an insane mayor. (The existence of Janice Daniels as mayor was a clear infringement upon Detroit’s exclusive rights to pathological mayors.) Last night, the people of Troy (Trojans?) successfully recalled their mayor, and so today, we offer a sincere slow-clap for them, and a big “I Heart NYC” gift bag full of tears for Janice Daniels. Read more on Farewell Janice Daniels, Celebrated Homophobe Mayor and Facebook Poet…
  the crazy is strong in this one

Michigan’s Beloved Janice Daniels, America’s Craziest Mayor, Perhaps Does Not Have A Fine Grasp On Detail

Troy, Michigan’s, beloved treasure of a mayor, Janice Daniels, famous throughout Wonkette nation for dressing like an Iranian man, would very much like it if the Oakland County Clerk didn’t count recall signatures that the Clerk’s office says it isn’t counting anyway. Did you read that correctly. Yes, you read that correctly. Daniels, who is facing a recall for being an embarrassingly nutters homophobe, is challenging recall petition signatures that have already been tossed out. “We’ve only done a cursory review of it because we just received it, but it appears they’re challenging signatures that we already disqualified,” [Elections Director Joe] Rozell said. “We provided them a list showing which were counted and which weren’t, but they challenged the ones we didn’t count.” Daniels had until 4:30 yesterday afternoon to challenge recall petitions. Quite naturally, she waited until ten minutes before that deadline (4:20! that’s how The Janice rolls, bitchez!) to file her not at all insane protest against already disqualified signatures. Read more on Michigan’s Beloved Janice Daniels, America’s Craziest Mayor, Perhaps Does Not Have A Fine Grasp On Detail…
  total recall

Good Luck On Recall Of Lady Mayor Calling Your Kids ‘Queer,’ Troy, Michigan!

Michigan’s most unintentionally comedic mayor since Kwame Kilpatrick was fellated while he was simultaneously texting and eating pork lips/entrails at “Benz Chili Bowl” is cold getting recalled. We speak of Janice Daniels, the most holy and exalted mayor of Troy, MI, one of those blandly pleasant/affluent suburbs that’s pretty much indistinguishable from every other blandly pleasant/affluent suburb. Oh, look, Old Navy! And P.F. Changs! Daniels once famously Facebooked that she was done with her “I <3 New York” tote bag because all those “queers” (her word) getting married in New York ruined her traditional values. Then, as an apology for queergate, Daniels told a local high school gay-straight alliance that she would like to invite a “panel of psychologists” to an anti-bullying workshop so they could explain how the homosexual lifestyle is dangerous. Mainly, the homosexual lifestyle is dangerous because idiots with Janice Daniels’ worldview will beat you within an inch of your queer (her word) life for being so queer (her word). Read more on Good Luck On Recall Of Lady Mayor Calling Your Kids ‘Queer,’ Troy, Michigan!…
  not hugging not learning

No One Has To Slap Orly Taitz In The Face As She Will Never Concede, Never Surrender

Poor Tom Barrett, trying to weasel his way out of getting slapped by asking for a hug instead. NO TOM BARRETT. The lady will not hug you! SHE MAD! (We would post the video here, but it is useless, and we strongly suspect that the slap was to the shoulder or something, which is not nearly as cool as a nice bright face-slap for conceding a race while people are still voting, we don’t care what “math” says.) But is there someone else yesterday who dreamed an unpossible dream — and who hasn’t given it up yet, and never will, because the bluebirds twittering around in her brainpan have warbled new promises to her in the secret language only they understand? There is! “Fwispdaggjerglaggjerblodt,” warbled the bluebirds! “I heed your call!” said dentist/lawyer/realtor/cosmonaut Dr. Orly Taitz, DDS MFA ETA Esq.! Then, as her eye orbs spun in their sockets, she shouted to the world from her Geocities website: THE MACHINES! After all, she is only in fourth place for the “top two” spot (ugh) to fight Dianne Feinstein lady-styley. Come to her aid, Americans! Read more on No One Has To Slap Orly Taitz In The Face As She Will Never Concede, Never Surrender…
  apocalypse now

Live Bloog 2: Wisconsin Recall Television Bloogaloo

“Hey” — Barack Obama. Hello, it is almost time for your live-bloog of the tellyvision to begin, where we will sit and watch it for the next three hours or so and all tear our hair at the same time shrieking WHERE IS WAUKESHA? (It is in Wisconsin, idiot. Everybody knows that.) No no no, WHERE ARE THE WAUKESHA VOTES? Oh right, they are in Kathy Nickolaus’s toolshed, behind the Miracle-Gro. FOR SAFETY you guys, leave Kathy Nickolaus alone! Anyhoo, get your beverages. Your Wonkette is out of beer and wine, and the rest of her liquor bottles have one half inch of EXTREMELY SUSPICIOUSLY watery-looking liquor in the bottom of each. (Teen kid.) But there is one new bottle of Stoli, ice, and limes. See you on the flip side. Read more on Live Bloog 2: Wisconsin Recall Television Bloogaloo…
  douches of liberty

Your Monday Wisconsin Recall Round-Up: Bambi’s Mom Wants You To Vote Scott Walker

Oh, whoops, did Your Wonkette just get itself “targeted” by DHS? Well, IT IS WORTH IT, to bring you these important stories from the nation’s cheese factory, the late great state of Wisconsin. First up! Chuck Norris sees your Bill Clinton, raises you a Chuck Norris! Wisconsin Democrats, Washington elite and insiders, and liberal special interests have joined together to fight for the recall of Gov. Scott Walker in Wisconsin in Tuesday’s election. But last Friday, when I saw them also send in the big guns, former President Bill Clinton himself, against Gov. Walker, I knew I had to enter the ring, too. But will he fight Bill Clinton with mixed martial arts, or with the power of his self-regard? Read more on Your Monday Wisconsin Recall Round-Up: Bambi’s Mom Wants You To Vote Scott Walker…
  let's get ready to ruuuuumble

Here Is Your Great Wisconsin Recall Debate Totally Timed For Maximum Exposure

Hi! Did you know there is a debate tonight between Scott Walker and that other dude, someone Barrett? (Hey, if the DNC doesn’t know Tom Barrett’s name, why should Your Wonkette?) It is so important it will be preempting Book Discussions on CSpan! (It will also be streaming live, here, for you Poors and you Youngs what ain’t got cable.) Go pee, and gather your beverages, and then we will gather here and go WHY IS IT NOT ON CSPAN and click around frantically, together! Read more on Here Is Your Great Wisconsin Recall Debate Totally Timed For Maximum Exposure…
  suffrage this

Wisconsin Hero Injured Jumping In Front Of SUV Of ‘Crazy Liberal Nut’ Voting Against Scott Walker

Congratulations on your Wisconsin GOP primary victory in your recall vote, Scott Walker! And congratulations too on having devoted heroic supporters like Jeffrey Radle, who was hospitalized when he jumped in front of his bitch estranged wife’s SUV to keep her from voting against you! Why wouldn’t she just shut her mouth and vote the way he told her to? AND WHERE IS HIS GODDAMN SANDWICH? Read more on Wisconsin Hero Injured Jumping In Front Of SUV Of ‘Crazy Liberal Nut’ Voting Against Scott Walker…
  D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Just Pretty Much Saying ‘Eat Me’ At This Point

There were so very many “Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker just being a fucking dick for no good reason” stories all weekend, we kind of figured we would just hide out until it was done and then blame it on the Easter holiday. Really, where to even start? How about: Scott Walker does not want to be governor anymore, and is desperate for you to break up with him. Read more on Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Just Pretty Much Saying ‘Eat Me’ At This Point…
  it's a frame-up!

Recalled Wisconsin State Senator Sobs During DUI Case: I Was Railroaded By Union Thugs!

Some Wisconsin GOP state Senate dude got recalled for being a dick and also banging some lobbyist chick who wasn’t his wife, and then later he got a DUI and got arrested and now he is on trial. But was it a frame-up? IT WAS A FRAME-UP, he and his lawyers now say. Because of how all the Wisconsin public sector workers vowed to ruin his life! Also? Randy Hopper totally cried in court, like Darrell Issa, a known crybaby, who cries. Read more on Recalled Wisconsin State Senator Sobs During DUI Case: I Was Railroaded By Union Thugs!…
  let's make lots of money

Most Popular Wisconsin Governor Ever Scott Walker Now Kvetching About Measly Salary

Poor Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. Nobody loves him, everybody hates him, and he is stuck in government “service” instead of being off in the private sector making “real money.” Also, “Not that this job is that important to me,” he said, because at this point all he really wants in life is for a laid-off DMV clerk to just cold smash him in the nards. Audio after the jump! Read more on Most Popular Wisconsin Governor Ever Scott Walker Now Kvetching About Measly Salary…
  idiots

Illiterate Scott Walker’s Illiterate Tweet Removed By Staffers

Wisconsin Kochsuckler Scott Walker was so excited to get some time off for Thanksgiving, before he is recalled for being a giant jerkoff and also making Wisconsin number one in job losses. (How’s that “Wisconsin Is Open For Business” slogan working out, Walker?) The governor apparently typed the charmingly idiotic message pictured above all by himself, with whatever thumb wasn’t in his mouth. And then it was removed, presumably by his embarrassed staffers, who will soon be unemployed like everyone else in Wisconsin, the end. Read more on Illiterate Scott Walker’s Illiterate Tweet Removed By Staffers…
  kochsuckers

Wife of Adulterous WI Senator/Union Breaker Joins Recall Against Him

One of Scott Walker’s top orcs in the union-busting thuggery, Republican Randy Hopper, was thrown out by his wife and is now shacked up in Madison with a 25-year-old right-wing lobbyist who (of course) formerly worked with Hopper as a legislative aide (writing law for Hopper’s corporate backers). And now Hopper’s wife has joined the recall campaign against him — not because of his politics, which she probably agrees with, but because he’s a jerkwad in his personal life, too. Read more on Wife of Adulterous WI Senator/Union Breaker Joins Recall Against Him…
  it's morning in america

Poison Baby Medicine, Terror In Times Square, and the World’s Worst Oil Spill

Got babies, somehow? Then you’ve probably got a half-dozen plastic bottles of Kiddie Motrin and Wee-One’s Tylenol and Lil’ Benadryl and maybe even “Children’s Sugar-Free Zyrtec” in the medicine cabinet. DO NOT USE IT, there is something very vaguely wrong with all of it, go to the website and follow the confusing instructions to get gift certificates for even more sketchy kids’ medicine. But what to do if your youngling has the Fever? The generics are safe. Ha ha, and they cost about half as much. [McNeil Product Recall/Washington Post] Read more on Poison Baby Medicine, Terror In Times Square, and the World’s Worst Oil Spill… Read more on Poison Baby Medicine, Terror In Times Square, and the World’s Worst Oil Spill…