Tag Archives: reality teevee

  at my signal unleash derp

Shooty Screamy Former Police Chief Returns For Unspecified Mayhem And Hell-Unleashing

Sweet Shiva the Destroyer have we missed you, former police chief Mark Kessler of Gilberton, Pennsylvania. Whatchya been up to? Anger management classes? Crocheting some lovely booties for all the kids? Sipping herbal tea from a sunflower-decorated mug while relaxing in your herb garden? Former Gilberton, PA police chief Mark Kessler has released a new expletive-laden video in which he threatened his critics, then angrily fired an assault rifle. Hmm, so that would be “none of the above” then? Y’all may remember Yosemite Salmon-Head up there from last summer’s classic film “Let’s Kill Nancy Pelosi and Throw Her Down a Well,” along with the accompanying (poorly copy-edited) novelization calling for cleansing all the un-American liberals from the Schuylkill County government. And we don’t think he meant “with votes!” Read more on Shooty Screamy Former Police Chief Returns For Unspecified Mayhem And Hell-Unleashing…
  this better get on the emmy shortlist

Scott Walker Recall Webcam Wisconsin’s Favorite New TV Show

Wisconsin’s latest craze in televised bloodsport (hey, just in time to fill the void left by the Packers’ playoff loss!) is a hawt new web show with just a single overhead camera starring the dozen or so people that the Government Accountability Board locks into a secret room at an undisclosed location in Madison each day to verify 1.9 million recall petition signatures one piece of paper, one line at a time. Tens of thousands of viewers have already been sucked in by the phenomenon and are tuning in to watch, rapt, as the painstaking process of ruining Scott Walker’s life slowly unfolds. Don’t let the fact that there’s no audio bother you, even — Twitter has made its own soundtrack and character names for the mystery workers! Read more on Scott Walker Recall Webcam Wisconsin’s Favorite New TV Show…
  grifter's downfall

Nobody Wants To Buy Sarah Palin’s Dumb New Reality Teevee Show

Uh-oh, guys, no one wants to pay money to yapping imbecile Sarah Palin for her job of “doing nothing” anymore! RLY SAD BUT TRUE: her insipid, publicly-funded reality teevee show about naked grizzly bear hunting in Alaska or whatever was not renewed for a second season, so she is apparently trying to shop around a new show starring Todd Palin pissing moose figurines into the snow. Absolutely none of the networks want to buy it, though! Read more on Nobody Wants To Buy Sarah Palin’s Dumb New Reality Teevee Show…
  fear wins again

Crappy Retail Chain Lowe’s Sorry If Anyone Is Upset They Hate Muslims

Recently a group of American Jesus fans in, yes, Florida became upset during the course of their hundred-plus hours of television viewing each week when they discovered some new reality teevee show with the controversial premise “American Muslims are regular family people,” because why should some Muslims get to be normal when evangelical Christians have to be so insane all the time? NOT FAIR. So… maybe just “change the channel to one of four hundred other concurrently running programs,” if you insist on being a weepy bigot? Ha ha, NO. These turds, the “Florida Family Association,” immediately protested, and incredibly enough one of the program’s advertisers, awful retail chain Lowe’s, decided that it, too, was so “pro-family” that they needed to get rid of its ads on this show, about families. But they apologize, on Facebook, if anyone somehow got the weird impression that their company is run by spineless assholes! Read more on Crappy Retail Chain Lowe’s Sorry If Anyone Is Upset They Hate Muslims…
  hollywood sleazebags

Sarah Palin Planning New TeeVee Show About Sarah Palin

Snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin rolled into Los Angeles on Wednesday to perform as “Jack Hanna’s anger bear” on the Jay Leno program and to scoop up some more piles of fancy clothes and cosmetics that somebody else paid for, at this “Oscar gifting suite.” But what was her true, secret mission? To make even more money for Sarah Palin, and to collect even more free crap, and to maybe get the guy who produced that Survivor game show to make a special reality show about her, Sarah Palin. Read more on Sarah Palin Planning New TeeVee Show About Sarah Palin…
  wasilla family values

Levi vs. Sarah, TeeVee’s Longest Running Snowbilly Reality Show

This is going to go on forever — and eventually, it will involve the female participants wrestling in a vat of Taco Bell X-treme ketchup or whatever. Hooray! Now, lest you believe this is somehow “trivial” or “exactly what happens in much of America,” we want to remind you that this woman, Sarah Palin, intends to become President, somehow, and then she will install Trig as “Prince ‘o Peace,” and he will rule the world for 666 years, and then he will nuke it. He is made of nukes, Trig is. Read more on Levi vs. Sarah, TeeVee’s Longest Running Snowbilly Reality Show…