Tag Archives: real estate

  we'll burn the new one too

Fiscally Disciplined Country Texas To Spend $11 Million In Obama Money Rebuilding Rick Perry’s House

The best thing to happen in all of Texas last year was when a few Democratic anarcho-syndicalists burned down Rick Perry’s governor’s mansion with a flaming bag of Barney Bush’s poop, maybe. But because the remaining outer shell of this hell castle is a Historical Texas outer shell — and Texas never cheaps out when it comes to honoring its proud history of slavery, violence, oil, and self-importance — the difficult, tedious renovation will cost TWENTY MILLION dollars. CONSIDERING THE COST, the Texas state legislature is now telling Perry that if he wants his dumb house, then $11 million of that sum will have to come out of the Obama Stimulus Package — the thing Perry pretended to hate so much that he vowed to secede over it in ~FY2011. Read more on Fiscally Disciplined Country Texas To Spend $11 Million In Obama Money Rebuilding Rick Perry’s House…
  there is no constitutional right to privacy

‘New York Times’ Officially Stalking David Souter

Just imagine our very private and humble Supreme Court justice sitting in his secluded shack in the woods, looking out the window, only to find some nut lurking behind two trees with a macro zoom lens. Next, the NYT will boil his bunny and put him down a well, for fattening purposes. [New York Times] Read more on ‘New York Times’ Officially Stalking David Souter…
  failures

Obama Unmasked As Fraud, Because This Lady Still Doesn’t Have A Job

Back in early February, before President Obama failed at everything (life), it seemed he could heal the lame and the halt simply by looking at them and saying in a dignified manner, “the stakes are too high.” For example, at a rally in Ft. Myers, he magically transformed the lives of two (2) paupers just by calling on them when they raised their hands. Read more on Obama Unmasked As Fraud, Because This Lady Still Doesn’t Have A Job…
  our flourishing economy

Nation Of Shantytown-Dwellers

Well, here is some depressing news! The hot new housing sector in the US isn’t houses at all: it’s shacks. That’s because the kind of people who used to be your next-door neighbor if you lived in a sort of marginal neighborhood in a largeish city are now squatters living under bridges in Fresno. Hell, maybe you’re one of them. Read more on Nation Of Shantytown-Dwellers…
  new careers!

Eliot Spitzer To Buy All Land, In Washington

Watch out America, because Eliot Spitzer is buying LAND, LAND we tell you! LAND! In Washington D.C., right near where he banged the gal that time in the hotel thing. Read more on Eliot Spitzer To Buy All Land, In Washington…
  ur doing it rong

NEWS FLASH: Loan Modifications Work Best When They Actually Lower Monthly Payments

Criminy! We have been hearing a lot about mortgages that go into default or foreclosure, and how the people holding these mortgages should talk with their lenders about renegotiating their loans. As a normal person with more than two (2) neurons flickering on and off in your brain, you probably assume that the goal here is to make the loans more affordable, which is to say, LOWER IN COST. Apparently banks sometimes disagree. Read more on NEWS FLASH: Loan Modifications Work Best When They Actually Lower Monthly Payments…
  he sleeps in a drawer

Rahm Emanuel, D.C.’s New Hobo King

There is an unwritten rule in D.C. politics that during any given session of Congress, at least one (1) legislator or White House staffer must live in a shameful basement dwelling unfit for human habitation. Senator Norm Coleman once proudly held the title of Hobo King, but then he got (nearly?) run out of office by a comedian from the 80s, and is now locked in a legal battle as vicious as it is dull. You’ll never guess who D.C.’s newest subterranean urchin is, as long as you don’t read the title of this post! Read more on Rahm Emanuel, D.C.’s New Hobo King…
  real estate market

Check Out George Bush’s Sexy New Dallas Home

George W. Bush did indeed buy a house for himself and his wife Laura and his two rat dogs as well! It is in the rich area of Dallas, which is probably a suburb! Look! Read more on Check Out George Bush’s Sexy New Dallas Home…
  fail

Triple-Digit Dow Decline Reversed On News Of 4,000 Cheap New Homes Sold, A Month Ago, Before The Financial Collapse

Sometimes the stock market is more “faith based” than a mall-church full of unemployed white trash. The Dow did a triple-digit plunge this morning, because the world is actually ending, especially the “making money” part, but it suddenly did a 200-point turnaround on month-old data suggesting a whole 4,000 heavily marked-down new homes sold in September, before the complete collapse of all American and Global stock markets. What? Read more on Triple-Digit Dow Decline Reversed On News Of 4,000 Cheap New Homes Sold, A Month Ago, Before The Financial Collapse…
  real 'murkins

Wonkette Interviews Protester At Virginia Obama Rally

Wonkette videographer and local hero Liz Glover covered an Obama rally Wednesday in Leesburg, a rich person’s town in Northern Virginia. Who cares what Obama said — probably HOPE HOPE HOPE BLAH PFFT — Liz was more interested in the McCain-Palin fans who showed up just to stare at all of the liberals. Here’s one fella she met, a professional in the very reckless industry that is currently destroying the global economy, thanks. He is worried about “Socialism” and hates all of the Illegal Mexicans with whom he, uh, works. [YouTube] Read more on Wonkette Interviews Protester At Virginia Obama Rally…
  our hobo economy

WE HAVEN’T HIT BOTTOM YET: “With a winning bid of just $1.75, a Chicago woman has won an auction for an abandoned home in Saginaw.” [AP/Yahoo]
 

Foreclosed Homeowners Don’t Deserve To Vote!

Oh God now it begins: our quadrennial debate about voter fraud versus vote suppression. The head of the Republican Party in Macomb County, Michigan has decided that a wonderful way to protect against “voter fraud” will be to get lists of foreclosed homes and check those against voter rolls to make sure that people whose houses are foreclosed — and what is that, about 130 percent of all Michigan residents at this point? — don’t get to vote if they aren’t residents of those addresses anymore. Read more on Foreclosed Homeowners Don’t Deserve To Vote!…
  elitist maps

McCain’s Houses Are Mostly Condos, Which Don’t Count

The DNC has sent us this lovely map of John McCain’s houses and airplanes and gnome slaves. Since they’ve made it terribly unreadable, you may view it full size in right here. But to the point: this is devastating you see! Because most of his properties are “condominiums,” a fancy rich word that the well-to-do use when referring to what common folks call “apartments.” And can you even believe this Fun Fact that one of McCain’s “condos” — that is rich slang for “condominiums” — has a concierge, a French word meaning, “house slave who shows rich people the least congested route to the airport during rush hour.” Read more on McCain’s Houses Are Mostly Condos, Which Don’t Count…
  elite homeowners

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine Cracks Wise About John McCain’s Millions Of Homes

OK, now that thing Peggy Noonan wrote about Tim Kaine’s hair makes sense. But that is not the point! The point is Tim Kaine made a crack about how John McCain can’t count very high, because John McCain is a rich man who makes his wife’s slaves do his counting for him. [YouTube] Read more on Virginia Governor Tim Kaine Cracks Wise About John McCain’s Millions Of Homes…
  the ownership society

John McCain Does Not Know How Many Baronial Estates He Has

In 2004 all the Republicans hated the Democratic ex-Navy plutocrat married to an insanely wealthy (and just insane) woman. But now that it is 2008, all the Democrats hate the Republican ex-Navy plutocrat married to an insanely wealthy, insane woman. How awful is Fat Cat John McCain? So awful that he literally has no idea how many homes “he” owns. Read more on John McCain Does Not Know How Many Baronial Estates He Has…
 

Eliot Spitzer Now Screwing Distressed Homeowners

Disgraced whore-fucker Eliot Spitzer is done with this “help people with their lives” nonsense, now that he doesn’t have to govern New York or shut down prostitution rings while patronizing those same prostitution rings. He is ready to earn ONE BILLION WHORE DIAMONDS by becoming a “vulture” real-estate flipper. Read more on Eliot Spitzer Now Screwing Distressed Homeowners…
 

Howard Wolfson Sold His Condo!

Clinton campaign spokesperson and offensive sweater-wearer Howard Wolfson doesn’t have a lot to be happy about these days, but at least he finally sold his Central Park West condo (pictured, left). The property had been on the market since last July. Now the new owner will be able to enjoy its luxurious limestone bathrooms while Sad Howard sleeps on a grate along with John Edwards’ war veterans. [New York Observer] Read more on Howard Wolfson Sold His Condo!…
 

6.5 Million Foreclosures, 18.6 Million Vacant Homes

Here are some cheery housing numbers, as the bankrupt truckers impotently beep their horns at Congress and the food is rationed and “consumer expectations” hit lows not seen since the early 1970s: More than 6 million homes will go into foreclosure before this housing collapse is finished, and the number of houses now sitting empty in America has reached a staggering 18.6 million — including 2.3 million currently on the market. Read more on 6.5 Million Foreclosures, 18.6 Million Vacant Homes…
 

Cheney’s New House Is CIA Adjacent

Everybody knows the three rules of real estate: Location, Refinance, Foreclosure. But our best vice president ever, Dick Cheney, is focused on the first part of that maxim by building his “retirement” house literally across the street from CIA headquarters in McLean, Virginia. Read more on Cheney’s New House Is CIA Adjacent…
 

Ask Not What You Can Afford…

Famed JFK speechwriter and Obama supporter Ted Sorensen has just fetched up a cushy Gotham spread at the Robert A.M. Stern-designed 15 Central Park West for $10.75 million. The massive three-bedroom boasts park views, a wine room, movie theater, health spa and most likely one of those stuffy libraries in which Ted can begin inking Obama speeches.Wine and Views [NYP] Read more on Ask Not What You Can Afford……
 

We hear Colin Powell is slowly stockpiling property in Manhattan’s Upper West Side. The former secretary of state dropped $2.76 million for a seven-room apartment on West 93rd. Meanwhile, there have been reports that Sen. Clinton’s mother Dorothy sold her Little Rock condominium for $304,000 (hey, it’s Arkansas, not Aspen) to come live in the Washington area. Does anyone–anyone at all–have a clue as to why? Is she her daughter’s new strategist? Will she be living with Hillary, or in some brutish, depressing assisted-living facility in Arlington? [New York Post] Read more on …