Tag: real estate

As predicted by Nostradamus and anyone who knows Donald Trump

Donald Trump, Show Us The Long-Form Stock Sale Certificate!

Trump very clearly said 'no backsies,' so press inquiries into any dealings prior to the election are forbidden.
Hey, that's not Trump University in the background. That's Hogwarts!

Not At All Scammy Video Defends Trump University, Which Was Definitely Not A Scam

Learn all about these satisfied Trump U students! No really, you should learn about them.
You too can scam your way to the Republican nomination. Ask me how!

Employees Of Trump ‘University’ Say It Was High Pressure Sales Scam. Whaaaaaat????

Documents released by that 'Mexican' judge in fraud lawsuit against Trump University confirm it was maybe a little fraudy. And water is wet.
You too can scam your way to the Republican nomination. Ask me how!

Trump’s ‘University’ Flopped Even Worse Than His Tiny Penis

While most of the excitement over Donald Trump Monday involved either his friendliness to the KKK or Marco Rubio's speculation about Trump's itsy-bitsy penis, we would also like to remind you all of something else that Donald Trump promised...
SUP BRO?

Matt Drudge Gives Male Roommate Traditional Heterosexual Gift Of Real Estate

DRUDGE SIRENS AND DISCO BALLS AND CHER SINGING "DO YOU BELIEEEEEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE?!" There is a News Item in the News, about Matt Drudge, racist copy/paster for the Drudge Report, who says he is a heterosexual, which...

Hugh Hefner Will Let You Live In His Playboy Mansion Jizz House For $200 Million

Wouldn't it be nice to come home after a hard day running a drug cartel or being Beyoncé or ruining all of America because you're a Koch brother, and having meaningful chit-chats about life and boys and stuff, with...

Sarah Palin’s Arizona Sex Pad Is On The Market, And Wonkette Wants It

Do you have $2,499,000 lying around, perhaps under your mattress or maybe in your Amazon dot com gift card account? Would you like to put it to good use by buying yr Wonkette a 7,971 square foot fuckpad in Scottsdale?...
Actual wall will be built even more bigly

Donald Trump Has Exciting New Real Estate Opportunity For You, Syria!

What a time to be a Syrian, eh? Murderous clowns to the left of you, racist jokers to the right. And then there's Donald J. Trump, with a once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity you will not want to miss: Mr. Trump said he would...
RUN AWAY, ANNA!

Gross Duggars Bribe Anna With Big New House If She’ll Stay With Cheatin’ Husband Josh

Oh blessed be, it's the end of the week and we almost forgot to check in with America's Christianest Christians, the Duggar family of Northwest Arkansas, zip code 69696969696969. What gross bidness are they doing, to and amongst each other...

Lawsuit Against Trump’s Scammy ‘University’ May Reveal What The Bastard’s Really Worth

Here's a little bit of trivia that you might want to stash away in the same corner of your brain that remembers how Al Capone was finally busted not for being a mobster, but for tax evasion: It's starting...
Sorry you just broke your monitor because this picture gave you such a boner.

Fox News Affiliate Will Protect You From Picasso’s Fancy Sex Nipples

Don't you hate it when you're watching the evening news with your mom and they say "BREAKING!" and it's a story about how a Picasso sold for $179M at Christie's auction, so you freak out because you just know...
Why are you weirdos always writing about vaginas anyway?

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Shoot-Out At The Not-Okay Corral

Oh, it has been a busy week in Deleted Comments land! Thanks to our switchover to Disqus, the comments are a bit more Wild West-y than they had been -- in Olden times, new commenters had to be approved,...
parking not included

Pricey New York Real Estate Proves Global Warming Is A Hoax, Obviously

Were you concerned conservatives would never locate the real "smoking gun" that proves the Great Global Warming Hoax? Well, hold on to your coal, Holy Rollers, because Breitbart LLC finally unearthed definitive proof of the Greenstapo’s climate conspiracy: New York...

Luxury London Apartment Ad Wants To Stab You, Play Around With Your Blood

Yr Wonkette  has been considering a move into high-end real estate as a way of diversifying our portfolio, which is currently a little heavy on dick joke manufacturing and political scandal futures. From the looks of this long-form commercial,...
The best way to read your Sunday NYT

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Child Labor’s Still Pretty Cool For Tobacco Growers

We depend on our Sunday New York Times for in-depth reporting on stuff that we may or may not care about, and on a good day we might even learn about something we had no idea we should have...
They don't make butlers like Carson anymore.

Rich People Tired Of Living In Giant Mansions, Long For Merely Huge Mansions

Claudio Stivelman is a real estate developer whose corporate biography modestly alludes to his "prophetic vision to invest along the Northern coast of Miami-Dade County." He got stupid-rich and built himself an "11,000-square-foot dream house," only to find that...