Wonkette

The most widespread form of “life” in Washington is the common Norway Rat, which completely owns the miserable District. Like most stunned bumpkins forced by bad luck or weird morals to the nation’s foul capital, the new editor of Reason magazine is horrified to find that dog-sized vermin live in every home, even the White House. MORE »

Fears of a massive rat & roach spring swarm have crippled much of the District this evening as horrified office workers and other war profiteers watch major thoroughfares blocked off by mounted police while 20-foot-tall “rat proofing” concrete barriers are raised from Georgetown to Foggy Bottom. Law enforcement officials are keeping quiet about the real reasons for the horror stampede, and many locals fear for their lives. What the living hell is going on? MORE »

ANNUAL ‘RUNNING OF THE RATS’ SNARLS GEORGETOWN: Tipster “Lauren” writes “Apparently Georgetown’s M St is fully barricaded, and they aren’t letting anyone out of stores or restaurants. You might want to check it out.” Wonkette operatives are ordered to investigate the spring rat stampede and report back post haste.

One of those New York liberal media elites, Jennifer 8. Lee of the New York Times‘ City Room blog, came across this fantastic DC Metro ad this week, and now she’s getting very “New York Angry” about it. Metro denies the “nameless” rat-infested death rail in question is the New York Subway. But you try stopping a New York blogger on the war path: “City Room will say, sure, Washington’s system may be rat-free, but its subway map also has all the sophistication of Fisher Price.” True! But at least the Metro doesn’t have a number as its middle name. [City Room]

It’s not even Friday and people are quitting the Bush Administration! Budget director Rob Portman is the latest to dive off the USS White House, leaving after just two years — first as “trade representative” and then as Josh Bolten’s replacement as budget chief. MORE »

* There’s been a “massive surge in the rat population on Capitol Hill as a result of Eastern Market burning down, causing a rat exodus of massive proportions.” [Prince of Petworth]
* “God, what a fucked up country we’ve become. Ronald fucking Reagan was the greatest american ever, according to some poll by People magazine or whoever. Not Jefferson, not Washington, not Hamilton or Lincoln, but a b grade actor potted plant that was a front man for the religious right.” [Craigslist]
* Do you enjoy “pigeonholing the opposite sex”? [Roissy in DC]
* Gary Bauer hates the pampered pets of Dupont Circle. [Girl From the South]
* New farmers market at 14th & U. [Draw Me a Sheep]

Tom Cruise-enabling Redskins’ owner Dan Snyder announced he was buying the burger chain Johnny Rockets last month, but massive rats at the Georgetown location have apparently revolted against the purchase. MORE »

What could be funnier than four slovenly men who hang out in their run-down old house eating cereal in their piss-stained boxer shorts? They’re lawmakers in the new Democratic majority, so they can raise your taxes and send you off to die in Iraq! MORE »