Gee whiz, not even plague-ridden rodents phase BARACK OBAMA! It’s true: Once upon a time young Barry Obama was talking on the telephone — as Chicago lawyers often do — when quite out of nowhere a grimy rat scurried across the floor and climbed up his leg. TONY REZKO had threatened to unleash the rats if the rent was ever late, but Barry thought he was just joshing and so did Barry’s law partner BILL AYERS, who feared all species of vermin and instinctively jumped out the window. But Obama? Obama was cool as a cucumber, and offered the rat a smoke … MORE »

According to ancient tradition, the Staten Island Groundhog bit Mayor Michael Bloomberg today, guaranteeing another six years of brutal financial collapse. Charles G. Hogg (R-Staten Island) attacked the New York mayor during a satanic ritual held each February 2 in opposition to the Christian celebration of Groundhog Day, in the Amish hamlet of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. MORE »

ALL AMERICANS MUST ATTEND INAUGURATION! “Don’t have money? Don’t worry, God will provide money! Don’t have a place to stay? God will provide that, too. If God didn’t want you to come to Washington D.C. and party on January 20, would God have made Barack Obama your president?” [AOL Political Machine]

Wonkette political symbolism operative “Nicole” informs us of this photograph from the liberal New York Times depicting Blaggy, dressed to the nines, leaving prison after his best friend Barack Obama posted bail. We have a hunch that the very artistic NYT photographer was “going for something” by including this haunting poster of a common Chicago street rat in the foreground. It is a true fact that these posters are on every wall and telephone wire pole in Chicago, near the actual rats. [NYT]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Your Comics Curmudgeon is not a fancy elitist with so-called “cable,” but apparently based on clips I’ve seen on the YouTube, CNN has some kind of giant countdown-to-the-election clock running during its informative news programming? I find this funny and sad, and would like one to hang over my monitor TO STARE DOWN AT ME AT ALL TIMES! As we play out the endgame of this terrible, endless election, let’s see what the funny pictures say will happen over the next hundred hours or so. MORE »

An angry Connecticut Democrat says that he will rent a very large floating rat and display it outside the XCel Energy Center in St. Paul if Joe Lieberman decides to attend the Republican National Convention, which he hasn’t been invited to. This angry guy, Ed Anderson, says he is “ready to apply for permits” and everything, which is tantamount to imminent violence. MORE »

The most widespread form of “life” in Washington is the common Norway Rat, which completely owns the miserable District. Like most stunned bumpkins forced by bad luck or weird morals to the nation’s foul capital, the new editor of Reason magazine is horrified to find that dog-sized vermin live in every home, even the White House. MORE »

Fears of a massive rat & roach spring swarm have crippled much of the District this evening as horrified office workers and other war profiteers watch major thoroughfares blocked off by mounted police while 20-foot-tall “rat proofing” concrete barriers are raised from Georgetown to Foggy Bottom. Law enforcement officials are keeping quiet about the real reasons for the horror stampede, and many locals fear for their lives. What the living hell is going on? MORE »

ANNUAL ‘RUNNING OF THE RATS’ SNARLS GEORGETOWN: Tipster “Lauren” writes “Apparently Georgetown’s M St is fully barricaded, and they aren’t letting anyone out of stores or restaurants. You might want to check it out.” Wonkette operatives are ordered to investigate the spring rat stampede and report back post haste.

One of those New York liberal media elites, Jennifer 8. Lee of the New York Times‘ City Room blog, came across this fantastic DC Metro ad this week, and now she’s getting very “New York Angry” about it. Metro denies the “nameless” rat-infested death rail in question is the New York Subway. But you try stopping a New York blogger on the war path: “City Room will say, sure, Washington’s system may be rat-free, but its subway map also has all the sophistication of Fisher Price.” True! But at least the Metro doesn’t have a number as its middle name. [City Room]

It’s not even Friday and people are quitting the Bush Administration! Budget director Rob Portman is the latest to dive off the USS White House, leaving after just two years — first as “trade representative” and then as Josh Bolten’s replacement as budget chief. MORE »