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Posts Tagged ‘rasmussen’

Sunday, October 5th, 2008

BEST POLL EVER: “Congress was front and center in the national news last week and the American people were far from impressed. If they could vote to keep or replace the entire Congress, 59% of voters would like to throw them all out and start over again. The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey found that just 17% would vote to keep the current legislators in office.” A full 147% changed their responses after hearing the third option, which was to keep the legislators in their offices — literally, with locks — and then release rabid death wolves into said offices. [Rasmussen]


Tracking Poll Reveals John McCain Is President Of Monday

Monday, August 4th, 2008

Wisdom Is Born Of ApplesauceOh hey look it’s another tracking poll! The latest Rasmussen dealy shows that John McCain is tied with Barack Obama at 44%, but if you include “leaners,” the geezer beats the pants off the charismatic upstart with a whopping 47% to Obama’s crappy old 46%. JOHN MCCAIN IS PRESIDENT OF LEANERS! MORE »


Hillary Clinton Will Never Stop Running For Public Office

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

Never say never!Hillary Clinton will never give up and never stop fighting for you, which is why she’s trying to roll her 2008 presidential election fund into her 2012 Senate re-election fund! She’s sending out letters to supporters who maxed out their contributions, asking them if she can hang onto their money for 2012, and if they don’t say “yes” by August 28 she will have to give it back, which will make the baby Jesus cry. Plus, a new poll shows that she’s the only candidate who can beat John McCain in the fall! It’s true. MORE »


Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
  • DISRESPECT TOWARD OUR LEADERS: A new Rasmussen poll: “This month, just 9% say Congress is doing a good or excellent job.” Here’s a poll question Rasmussen should consider for the future: Can you name a single issue Congress is currently working on? [Rasmussen]


Monday, May 5th, 2008

LET US DESCEND: A new Rasmussen poll has Hillary up 56% to 27% in West Virginia, which holds its primary next Tuesday. Aside from all the obvious reasons why the next week will suck, this should be pretty funny: if Hillary’s pretending to be slack-jawed Cletus from The Simpsons to win Indiana’s votes, in what hilarious ways will she pander to West Virginia? [Rasmussen]


One-Fifth of Democratic Voters Thinks Obama Should Drop Out

Wednesday, March 26th, 2008

Why does Barack Obama continue to want this dumb nomination, aside from his insurmountable lead in pledged delegates, states, and the popular vote? According to a new Rasmussen poll, 22% of Democrats think Obama should drop out, and the same percentage thinks Hillary (who has already lost) should. The most cosmic mindfuck of all, however: 62% of Democrats “aren’t ready for either candidate to leave the race.” Why such masochism in the Democratic party? This is precisely why John Kerry will emerge as both the presidential and vice-presidential candidate after the brokered convention. [Rasmussen]


John McCain Is President Of Meaningless Hypothetical Matchup Poll!

Thursday, March 20th, 2008

Was Barack Obama’s ambitious race speech effective, or did it just make the Average American question his Muslim religion all over again? According to the latest Rasmussen daily tracking poll, John McCain leads Obama 49% to 42% and Hillary Clinton 51% to 41% in hypothetical matchups. This dumb SURGE! in popularity McCain has seen recently means nothing — eventually (cross yr fingers!) all vaguely liberal and moderate voters will realize that he is the worst imaginable candidate for anyone on Earth, or in space. On the other hand, maybe Barack should play up his, uh, “Kansas side” a little more. Play nine holes of golf or some such. [Rasmussen]


Polls Predict Hillary Clinton Will Kick Your Ass In Ohio

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

Hey lady, you got something on your faceTriumphalist Obamatards, cover your ears: Hillary Clinton is still running for President, and it looks like she’ll win the Ohio primary. A Survey USA poll released today shows Clinton ahead of her opponent Barack Obama by 10 points. And a Rasmussen poll taken over the weekend has Clinton ahead by six. This means her campaign can continue on to Pennsylvania and maybe lose there instead. [WCPO, Rasmussen Reports, Real Clear Politics] MORE »


All Clinton Team Does Is Fight Each Other, Always

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

What happens when you’re losing and your new ad disappoints and a fiery Mark Penn is in a room with some equally fiery ad-maker lady and a crybaby political director? A melee of words happens, and internal fissures are blown wide open! This is precisely what happened last week at Clinton HQ. MORE »