Tag Archives: rants

  We Just Falafel About This

Bill O’Reilly Is Very Peeved That People Found His Racist Rant Racist

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com So, Mr. O’Reilly here is really cheesed at You People for calling him a racist. All he did was point out that Barack Obama was reelected by a bunch of poor nonwhite people who want productive white Americans to give them All The Things, and then people started calling him bad names. Like “racist,” which is certainly a new one for Bill O’Reilly that he has never been called before! But look, children, Mitt Romney came out just a week after the election and said pretty much the same things himself, as Mr. O’Reilly points out. It’s just the truth! Nobody called Romney a racist (sure they did! Really! More than once!), but Romney also didn’t actually come out and say “White America is over, man.” He just implied it, like. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Is Very Peeved That People Found His Racist Rant Racist…
  out in the field risking his life for you

Fox News Anchor Tells Of Living Among ‘Radical Vegetarians’ In Park Slope, Brooklyn

Cuddly southern man, Fox News employee and likely Tea Party embed Todd Starnes recently decided to move to — of all places — Park Slope, Brooklyn! His employer has this amusing online feature called “City Rant!,” in which members of the public are supposed to write in or videotape themselves ranting about New York, which comes easily to most. But no wants to “City Rant!” on Fox News’s website. And so the only people that Fox can seem to get to rant is actual Fox News employees. So here is Todd, Fox News anchor and radio host! He has a voice for radio, and he wants to rant about how he loves “shade trees” but hates liberals. He is fond of “A Tree Grows In Brooklyn” but was pleasantly surprised to find that trees do grow in Brooklyn. Now he can touch them every day, and they are shady, too. But the problem is, he is in the 0.1 percent in Park Slope, as a Southern conservative man, walking among the vegan ice-creaming-hating rally stroller racers. Hear his cry. Read more on Fox News Anchor Tells Of Living Among ‘Radical Vegetarians’ In Park Slope, Brooklyn…
  great legislative achievements

House GOP Earning Salary Today Worrying About Strip Clubs

Oh how thoughtful, House Republicans are bringing to the floor today a bill to close some kind of sexy-sounding “strip-club loophole” in what, campaign spending disclosure rules or something? No? NO. Oh right, it’s a bill meant to stop all the silly misbehaving poors from spending their welfare money at strip clubs. No wonder they aren’t out getting jobs! Please, bill sponsor Rep. Charles Boustany Jr., tell us more about this terrifying epidemic of taxpayer waste! Read more on House GOP Earning Salary Today Worrying About Strip Clubs…
  republicans in the news? really?

Huge Scandal Keeping Mitch Daniels Out of the 2012 Race: He’s a Good Dad

Fiscal conservatives love Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels because he loves fiscal conservatism. He loves it so much he declared a “truce” in the culture wars in Indiana so he could focus on it. This upset people, and he eventually had to give in to them, because promising the wingnut faithful an end to non-marital and non-heterosexual and non-coital sexual intercouse is how Republicans are elected, not because America is in love with fiscal conservatism geeks, and if the GOP actually ever won the culture wars, their voters would stop going to the polls. But as Daniels starts to look into joining the presidential race, people who don’t want him in it are trying to shame him into the race by propagating Daniels’ big “SCANDAL”: his wife, whom he has since remarried, divorced him in 1994 and moved to California, leaving him with their four young daughters. Despite not having immediate access to their mother, the children did not die. So the skeleton in Mitch Daniels’ closet is that he’s a good parent? Read more on Huge Scandal Keeping Mitch Daniels Out of the 2012 Race: He’s a Good Dad…
  Things that suck

Watch This YouTube Video Before Jihadi Psychopaths Murder You

Andrew Klavan is a crime novel writer and contributing filmmaker on Pajamas Media’s PJTV Internet teevee station, which, when we just clicked onto it in order to gift you with its URL, offered this top story: “The Star Hustler: An Eclectic Genius Who Believed We Are Each Unique.” Whoah, trippy, man — gimme a motorcycle and some Zen rage and let’s blast “Born to Be Wide” and head on down the highway to the next Tea Party rally-adventure. Anyway! We were talking about Mr. Klavan. He has a new movie out, called “Does Islam Suck?,” in which he answers his own question. Read more on Watch This YouTube Video Before Jihadi Psychopaths Murder You…
  naughty naughty!

Meghan McCain Hellish Twitter Rant UNCENSORED

Whoa hey it’s Meghan McCain goin’ nuts on Twitter! It seems that a “co-worker” of hers at Tina Brown’s Death Lion has been talking SHIT about her and how she’s never had a job before, something your Wonkette had never considered until now (PSST search “meghan mccain” “unemployed”). This led Meghan to a churn out a 9-twat-long rant listing every job she’s ever had, because UMM OMG she’s the most employed person ever, bitch? She then SCRUBBED this thing entirely — because it was insane — but someone had already e-mailed us the page, which was probably her plan in the first place. Read more on Meghan McCain Hellish Twitter Rant UNCENSORED…
  dinguses

Are There Really People Who Watch CNBC All Day?

Here’s one of the more unlikable people we’ve heard of for the first time today, CNBC’s Rick Santelli, at some trading floor in Chicago, going *apeshit* over Barack Obama’s $75 billion mortgage plan to keep “the losers” in their homes. Maybe Obama’s plan isn’t so great, who knows, but one thing is clear, and that’s that Rick Santelli hates poor people — and by poor people we mean the bottom 50-90% of per capita income earners. How else would you explain the fact that he and his trader friends are *just now* starting to worry about Moral Hazard? [Calculated Risk] Read more on Are There Really People Who Watch CNBC All Day?…
  blah blah blah

Congressman To CEOs: Die

Here’s Massachusetts Congressman Michael Capuano yelling at today’s Capitol Hill hearing with eight big bank CEOs, who demanded that Congress give them a second set of keys to the U.S. Mint (just to make it more convenient during the all-nighter printings, right?) He asks if their companies invest in credit default swaps (“hell fuckin’ yeah”), and then adds, “So basically all or most of you engaged in all or at least some of the activities that actually created this crisis, in my opinion. Because every one of those activities, especially the SIVs [structured investment vehicles], ESPECIALLY the SIV’s — to me, I think they’re illegal. I cannot believe no one’s prosecuted you on this.” Rah rah rah! Read more on Congressman To CEOs: Die…
  whoa hey

Roger Ebert Writes Insane Political Things On His Blog!

At some point in recent Internet history, the Chicago Sun-Times gave its famous film critic Roger Ebert a film blog, to write about film. Well fuck film! Now he just writes hilarious geopolitical rants next to pictures of triangles and octagons, like all bloggers. Read more on Roger Ebert Writes Insane Political Things On His Blog!…
  america's coot pundits

Richard Cohen Simply Does Not Care For Those BlackBerry Machines

It’s been a while since we’ve checked in on the musings of Washington Post in-house coot Richard Cohen, who’s hated every single development in American culture since 1958. Earlier this year he spent a whole column ranting about the kids and their tattoos (“I simply do not care for tattoos”), another about Amazon’s Kindle (“I simply do not care for the Kindle”), and, of course, another about Barack Obama’s age (“I simply do not care for the age of Barack Obama”). Basically, all Richard Cohen wants in life is a few twigs to rub together and some of grandma’s licorice stick. All a man really needs. In today’s column he tackles a new devil, that con sarn BlackBerry telephone machine. He simply does not care for Obama’s BlackBerry telephone, especially when there are perfectly good print newspapers out there that perform the exact same functions, and women are also awful. Read more on Richard Cohen Simply Does Not Care For Those BlackBerry Machines…
 

Livid Bob Dole Sends Email Rant To Scott McClellan

Remember how Bob Dole used to be a pleasant old former politician who spent his retirement hawking little blue pills on the teevee? Well now he is very upset with Scott McClellan and let him know via the emails, which were invented several hundred years after Bob Dole first attained elective office. Quotations from his angry E-Communication after the jump. Read more on Livid Bob Dole Sends Email Rant To Scott McClellan…
 

‘Mental Case’ Bill O’Reilly Urged Not To Attend Boston Emmys

A Boston area cable news host thinks Bill O’Reilly is such a dangerous “mental case” that he should not be the guest of honor at the Boston/New England Emmys. This brave crusader even offers up evidence that O’Reilly’s crazy loofah rants are signs of an actual personality disorder or something. Read more on ‘Mental Case’ Bill O’Reilly Urged Not To Attend Boston Emmys…
 

Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment On Hillary Is Horrifying

We are four minutes through this video of MSNBC host Keith Olbermann’s special “Special Comment” about Hillary Clinton. It’s the first time he has made a “Special Comment” about a Democrat. It is a nine-minute video. He is the angriest person in the galaxy. SOS! [YouTube] Read more on Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment On Hillary Is Horrifying…
 

Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern Hates The Gays With Vigorous, Sultry Passion

The past several years have taught us all a valuable lesson: the nuttiness of a Republican legislator’s homophobic rantings is directly proportional to the secret gay shame of that legislator, and inversely correlated to the amount of time before that person gets busted doing the thing they professed to find so repugnant. By this math, Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern will be discovered by week’s end trolling for muff in the ladies’ room of the World Golf Hall of Fame. Read more on Oklahoma Rep. Sally Kern Hates The Gays With Vigorous, Sultry Passion…
 

A Flock Of Paultards Descends On Unsuspecting Tech Security Blog

You know the Wired magazine, which is about robots and other techmologies? Yesterday its Threat Level blog, covering “privacy, security, politics and crime online,” attracted a squadron of angry Paultards after it wrote about their hero’s upcoming March on Washington. Loads of invective, paranoia, and “morrons” after the jump. Read more on A Flock Of Paultards Descends On Unsuspecting Tech Security Blog…
 

Wonkette Appoints Angry Commenter General in Paultard War

Those of you who have been following the War on Paultards in the comments have probably seen an… anomaly… crowding the pack. It’s an angry guy who types in bold and caps, curses vehemently and throws numbers around freely while chewing away at his naysayers — but argues against the Paultards! This sort of brilliance doesn’t go unnoticed by Wonkette. We would like to appoint commenter Nick Farr (his name is also probably “Nick Farr”) the official Wonkette Commenter General in the War on Paultards. He replaces the interim de facto Wonkette Commenter General, who was also Nick Farr. To welcome Nick Farr we’ve asked him to write a ceaselessly long, unedited and vicious rant against the Paultards. After the jump, Commenter General Nick Farr’s ceaselessly long, unedited and vicious rant against the Paultards. Read more on Wonkette Appoints Angry Commenter General in Paultard War…