rand paul
Rejoice, Wonketeers, for Halloween is nearly upon us! In keeping with the spirit of this sexy witch-burning holiday, Wonkette World o’ Books is going to try something a bit different this week. Instead of reviewing one shameful/inept book, we’ll simply recommend a few different books, none of them explicitly about politics but all helpful in [...]
Ex Rand Paul Bourbon County coordinator Tim Profitt sort of apologized yesterday IF “it appeared overly forceful” when he stomped on that annoying MoveOn woman in the wig. But of course, as we all know, when you stomp on a person’s head, it should really be that person apologizing to you. “I would like for [...]
That guy who smashed some MoveOn lady’s head with his foot is “sorry that it came to that” and says he apologizes “if it appeared overly forceful.” Oh yes, it may have appeared that way, but this is actually the way Kentucky gentlemen greet members of the opposite sex. It’s a cultural thing you don’t [...]
Legitimate heir to the rEVOLution Rand Paul exchanged heated words last night with Jack Conway, who has a big head and likes to read. Everyone was excited to hear these two men talk about the issues — whose father knows the most about gold/is the coolest? — but that’s not what Rand wanted to talk [...]
The great thing about this country is its diverse character. Some states have their Senate candidates debate at podiums. Others have them debate at urinals.
Remember when the Muslim Jesus said that he “came to set a man against his father”? Well, this prophecy is coming true, right now, in America! Ron and Rand Paul used to be super close and even made plans to do the Father-Son Congressional sack race together at the company picnic next year. But now [...]
“Republican Rand Paul’s latest money bomb appears to have, well, bombed.” HIGH FIVE! You did it, Politico! Yes, Rand Paul had one of these “money bomb” things, which are supposed to attract media attention and make supporters self-flagellate for just how much they love their favorite politicians. Rand Paul set out to top the $436,000 [...]
It’s a well-known fact that this blog is so mean to Rand Paul, all the time, mostly because we feel no obligation to be particularly fair or even-handed to anyone, especially when they are constantly hilarious, as Rand Paul is. Still, every once in a while your editor feels a contrarian urge to keep out [...]
Rand Paul is absolutely livid about GQ’s big scoop about how Rand Paul used to be in a goofy secret society and smoke pot and one time they allegedly kidnapped this gal. This is because he has an exclusive contract contract with Details, which is the only men’s lifestyle magazine that is allowed to publish [...]
Anti-statist Senate candidatista Rand Paul didn’t actually finish college because he did well on his MCAT and got into Duke Medical School, which is actually sort of “bad-ass.” Now, according to Gentlemen’s Quarterly, it turns out “Randy” Paul was part of a SECRET SOCIETY at Baylor made mostly of LIBRULS who smoked POT and did [...]
A few months ago, Rand Paul said some things that maybe didn’t go over so well vis-a-vis coal miners dying in explosions and black people getting their take-out food from the kitchen entrance. This caused him to go into seclusion, hiding from the press and their “gotcha” questions about policy positions he holds and laws [...]
Connecticut GOP Senate candidate Peter Schiff is trying to raise enough funds to educate the good people of the Nutmeg State about his primary opponent, wrestling lady Linda McMahon, and her out-of-control, crotch-kicking ways. This information could save thousands of Republican men from making unwanted trips to the testicle doctor.
