Tag: rand paul

Nothin's gonna stop him now... oh, shoot.

Poor Forgotten Jim Gilmore (Who?) Can’t Even Be GOP Convention Delegate, Awwww

You may remember former Virginia governor Jim Gilmore, who was, at least on paper, an actual Republican candidate for president longer than Carly Fiorina, Chris Christie, Rick Santorum, Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, George Pataki (who?), Lindsay Graham, Bobby Jindal,...

Wingnuts Will Never Forgive Michelle Obama For Outlawing Bacon Sundaes In Schools

Michelle Obama, Queen First Lady of our hearts, has long cared deeply about America's obesity crisis, particularly among kids. How have right-wingers been dicks to her about it over the years? Let us count the ways. First, some quick backstory....

Joe Scarborough Not At All Sorry For Being Dumb Sexist Porcine A-Hole

On Tuesday night, Hillary Clinton gave a speech. And it was a great speech. Unless you are a white dude in The Media, in which case it was not a great speech because Hillary Clinton was giving it. And...
Well this sure is upsetting, no it's not.

Rand Paul Has Another Extremely Occasional Moment Of Sanity, Drops Out Of Race

See? The insane, dumb Iowa caucuses DO serve a purpose, and it's to get rid of some more of these damn Republicans who think for whatever reason that they might get to be president someday, LOL as if. First...
Take Me To Your Butter Cow

Come Together While Iowa Jams Its Caucus Down Your Throat

It's your Iowa Caucus open thread, Wonkers! After all the prolonged teasing, flirting with billionaires, straining to get a surge in the polls, and lots and lots of sucking, it's time for the voters of Iowa to finally consummate...
That thing will never fly. Center of gravity is all out of whack.

Everything You Need To Know About Iowa’s Hot Throbbing Caucus: A Wonksplainer

After all the campaigning and stump speeches and far fewer corndog-eating photos than we would have hoped for, the Big Day is finally here: Happy Birthday, Pauly Shore! Also, it's the Iowa Caucus, a mysterious ritual that nobody cared...
READ A BOOK!

Deleted Comments: Why Should We Believe Lying Sluts Or The FBI?

Quite a strange selection of strangeness from the old Deleted Comments queue this week, from a "skeptic" who thinks maybe LaVoy Finicum was gunned down for no reason at all, to a guy who knows that women can only...

With Trump Gone, Who Will Megyn Kelly Bleed All Over Now? Your GOP Debate Liveblog

It's the top-tier Republican losers debate, comin' at us from Iowa on Fox "News," and what in the wide world of ethanol and butter cows are we even doing here? Donald Trump is off "benefitting veterans" -- the ones he didn't try...

Liveblogging Second-Tier Crybaby Losers GOP Debate For The Last Time, Thank God

Hooray and woot and praise the lord almighty Herself that this is the last time we have to endure this charade of pretending Jim Gilmore (R-Who? Never Mind) and these other losers are going to be president. Just kidding! There are still many Republican...

Rand Paul Is Your New Feminist Hero, Apparently

It must be his time of the month because Rand Paul and his luscious locks are quite hysterical about that mean brute Donald Trump and his sexisming! While good decent sensitive males like Paul have respect for strong assertive women,...

Let’s Watch Losers Debate A Man Who’s Not There. Your Republican Debate Preview

Whee, one more Republican debate before Iowa votes, after which somebody will win the Iowa caucuses and nobody will drop out and we'll have a million more debates, even after Hillary Rodham Clinton's two terms as president are over....
Blaspheme not the Name of Reagan

Iran Releases More American Prisoners. Thanks, President Trump!

Iran has released four Americans who were being imprisoned in the Islamic Republic, and boy oh boy are Republicans ever pissed off about it! It's almost as bad as that time last week when Iran killed quickly released those...

Donald Trump Eats Ted Cruz’s Canadian Bacon: GOP Debate Liveblog

Hey you, wake up! The Republican undercard second-tier losers' debate for extra-loser losers is over and now it's time to watch Donald Trump and the other prime-time losers shout at Fox Business Network for asking mean questions like "Dr. Carson, you...

Carly Fiorina In Three-Way With Mike Huckabee And Rick Santorum … WAIT COME BACK

Gather round, ye wonkers, for the Republican Undercard Cage Match Debate, starring Mean Mike Huckabee, Rick "Santorum" Santorum, and the most terrifyingly vicious fighter of them all, Carly Fiorina, pictured above. Rand Paul, because he is a whiny baby, will...
The way we were.

Let’s Watch Donald Trump Deport Ted Cruz On Live TV! Your Republican Debate Preview.

It's time for another Republican debate, aren't you sexcited? Of course you aren't, because there's a Republican debate EVERY GODDAMNED DAY NOW, it seems. There are still 1,067,88leventy86 candidates who still haven't had the good sense to euthanize their...

Carly Fiorina Thinks It’s ‘Odd’ Ted Cruz Only Just Started Loving America

After approximately 79 years and 79 shazillion investigations into whether Barack Obama is a United States citizen (he is), or Hawaii is a foreign country (it is not), or whether black people can even be president (obviously, duh, TWICE), we...