rand paul

Oh hello there. Happy Sunday! Were you just chillin’ out maxin’ and relaxin’ or were you thinking “gosh, I would really like to read eleventy million words about Rand Paul”? If the latter, the Sunday New York Times has got your back, Jack. Did we read the complete history of Rand, son of Ron? Oh, […]

Oh ladies. If the GOP isn’t insulting your intellectual capacity, demanding you be submissive, or trying to keep your libido in check (because you are all raging fuckmonsters), then they are desperately wooing you for your votes. Their latest attempt to distract from their 1930-era policies is to scrounge around and find a GEN-YOU-INE lady […]

Time for another plunge into the ol’ comments queue, and the good news is that we just got a new shipment of industrial-strength rubber gloves! Our first missive comes from wannabe art director “rogerinorlando,” whose name and location we will not release. Rogerinorlando was not pleased by DDM’s choice of graphics for a recent story […]

This video right here is Mitch McConnell’s first ad of the new campaign year, and Mitch McConnell, who does not say a word in the ad, would like you to know that Kentucky’s junior Senator, Rand Paul, thinks he’s the bees knees. Yes, this appears to be our second toe-sucking story of the day.

In this New Media hellscape, the news comes at you fast and furious. Though we probably try our best, in our mad rush to write a dozen gross jokes about Sarah Palin’s latest bedshitting incident and hit “publish” before everyone has moved on to the next stupid thing, we occasionally get something wrong. Yes, “occasionally,” […]

Happy Sacred Baby Festival to all you Wonkers! Hope you’ve had as much festivity as you can handle, and perhaps more.* And now, for some Happy Holiderp: a roundup of seasonal stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a whole post of their own. We recommend that you treat it […]

As if it weren’t bad enough that the right has turned “Merry Christmas” into a shibboleth, now they’re trying to co-opt Festivus.* Senator Rand Paul (R-Galt’s Gulch) announced yesterday that he would be tweeting his very own “airing of grievances” for fun and publicity, and so of course we are compelled to indulge him. Strangely, […]

Hey, kids, here’s a big surprise! Ron Paul thinks it’s high time for patriots to stop letting the federal government push them around, what with its “laws” and “healthcare mandate” and all that. What’s more, he thinks that there’s really no longer any reason to wait to start watering the ol’ Tree of Liberty with […]

Perfesser Journalism Rand Paul has some thoughts on journalism, and whether you are good at it. (Spoiler: you are very very bad at journalism! So bad! Somebody needs a spanking! Unlike Rand Paul, who is undoubtedly forming a Journalism Licensing Board for himself to be the president and sole member of right this very minute.) […]

The Washington Times, a scabrous rag, actually wrote something we agree with – a farewell note to Senator Rand Paul, whose column for the paper will be ended following multiple accusations of plagiarism, including a recent column for that paper. In a paragraph that we hope elicited hearty laughter all around the newsroom, the Times […]

At first Yr Wonkette was going to leave this whole “Rand Paul plagiarism” thing reasonably alone, at least when it was just his speechwriters cribbing movie summaries from Wikipedia. It’s the sort of dumb frat-boy-writing-a-research-paper kind of idiocy that probably goes on all the time, albeit less clumsily. Good for a one-off post on a […]

Y’all remember that awesome movie Gattaca from 1997, where Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke fell in love in real life, but on the side made a movie about the government doing eugenics? Not a whole lot of people saw it from what we understand. We did not see it. But apparently in this movie that […]

Gosh, we are such dumb liberals! We thought we knew all about capitalism, an economic system most of us have lived with our entire lives. We thought we knew all about private ownership, and free markets, and the commodification of labor, and investment, and consumption, and all that jazz! And we thought we knew about […]

So we got out of our pajamas AND EVERYTHING to go to Rand Paul’s Dumb ‘Bipartisan’ Coffee Nonsense (official title) on the steps of the Capitol, and fucking goon park police dude wouldn’t let us up because we don’t have “press” “credentials,” because of how as a CONSTITUTIONAL SCHOLAR we do not believe in the […]

After sleeping and dreaming of Canadians stabbing our ears with nasal whining, we unfortunately woke up to Ted Cruz still rambling on the teevee, somewhat incoherently, about how Obamacare is the love child of a threesome between the Plague, Hitler’s mustache, and Nickleback. Because we hate ourselves and love Our Glorious Reader all too much, […]