rand paul

CPAC Straw Poll winner Rand Paul proved his serious leadership mojo Sunday, telling Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace that if he were president, he knows exactly what he’d do in response to Russia’s invasion of Crimea: “I would do something differently from the president,” Paul said. “I would immediately get every obstacle out of […]

Hello! Still bleary-eyed from losing that hour of sleep? Us too! We’re going to blame that for any missteps in this week’s Sunday Times roundup. First off, of course, is the big exciting political news that beloved conervative bullyboy icon Rand Paul won the CPAC straw poll, which means soon he will be your president, […]

Good job on this ad, Medical Cannabis Network! It is actually funny! Reader, watch it! If you can’t, here is the SPOILER: We join a swarthy fellow with an Orson Welles mustache who is trying to sell us some black market sushi, and being real shady about it, like “Yo. You want sushi? I got […]

The Tea Party finally noticed that it turned five like a week and a half ago, so what could these insurgent grassroots heartland Willy Lomans do but get together with a bunch of Senators and millionaires in Washington DC to celebrate? Michelle Cottle of the Daily Beast was there, gulping the very same air as […]

Has it been more than ten minutes since Rand Paul reared his ugly reactionary head to yammer about if only you could keep a nuclear silo made of guns in the bedroom, you could defend your home against all enemies? It has? Then it must be time for another installment of How Criminally Awful Is […]

So Ted Nugent. We have discussed him and his real purty mouth. (He called Barack Obama a chimpanzee and subhuman mongrel, which didn’t even crack that day’s purty-things Top 10, probably.) The Texas Attorney General, Greg Abbott, who is running against Wendy Davis for Texas Gub, campaigned with the Nugemonster the other day, and then […]

Sen. Rand Paul is just sick of the Democrats doing war on women by tolerating the continued existence of Bill Clinton, the sexual predator who had a consensual affair with a lady who worked for him (this is the only real instance of workplace sexual harassment in history, according to Republicans). And so he is […]

Happy Super Sportsball Sunday! Go read the Times’s one million pages of regular sports coverage AND thinkpieces about the Super Bowl! Or don’t. Go read about Chris Christie! Or just read what we wrote about Christie already. Definitely read the Dylan Farrow letter from yesterday and then promptly go fight with everyone on the internet […]

We did not listen to Rand Paul’s Rand Paul Party Response to the State of the Union last night, so we are not sure if he talked up his latest, boldest legislative proposal to liberate Americans from a very specific kind of tyranny: the kind where you aren’t allowed to bring your gun into the […]

Did you already check out our handy guide to what time and where the State of the Union is on and what you should drink? Were you feeling like you could probably manage those rules for an hour or two days or however long it is that Barack is going to talk at you? Well, […]

Oh hello there. Happy Sunday! Were you just chillin’ out maxin’ and relaxin’ or were you thinking “gosh, I would really like to read eleventy million words about Rand Paul”? If the latter, the Sunday New York Times has got your back, Jack. Did we read the complete history of Rand, son of Ron? Oh, […]

Oh ladies. If the GOP isn’t insulting your intellectual capacity, demanding you be submissive, or trying to keep your libido in check (because you are all raging fuckmonsters), then they are desperately wooing you for your votes. Their latest attempt to distract from their 1930-era policies is to scrounge around and find a GEN-YOU-INE lady […]

Time for another plunge into the ol’ comments queue, and the good news is that we just got a new shipment of industrial-strength rubber gloves! Our first missive comes from wannabe art director “rogerinorlando,” whose name and location we will not release. Rogerinorlando was not pleased by DDM’s choice of graphics for a recent story […]

This video right here is Mitch McConnell’s first ad of the new campaign year, and Mitch McConnell, who does not say a word in the ad, would like you to know that Kentucky’s junior Senator, Rand Paul, thinks he’s the bees knees. Yes, this appears to be our second toe-sucking story of the day.