rand paul
Rand Paul Will Work With Jesus To Help You Cling To Your Guns
While the species of libertarian fanboy known as the Paultard will strenuously argue that Paul brand politics are different from those of garden variety wild-eyed Republicans, it is becoming clear that the young prince of Pauldom (Rand Paul) is laughing at the Paultards as much as we do. As part of a campaign to make [...]
Girl, Rand Paul Will Drone You All Night Long
Hey remember way back in March when Rand Paul decided to talk for 13 long hours about why he hated drones? Who could forget! That was the kind of amazing display of singleminded enthusiasm for our civil liberties and Constitutional rights that make Rand Paul et al occasionally useful additions to the Senate. HOWEVER, hopefully [...]
What Was Your Favorite Part Of Rand Paul’s ‘History Of Democrat Racism’ At Historically Black Howard University?
Today, Senator Rand Paul liked himself a lot when he was either “brave” or “crazy” enough to venture into the Heart of Blackness that is historically black Howard University and lay down some TRUTH like that Republicans have always loved civil rights and more TRUTH like that he has always been in favor of the [...]
You May Be Surprised To Learn That Rand Paul’s Filibuster Full Of Blithering Idiocy
Everyone had a great time on Wednesday when Senator Aqua Buddha (R-Better Light Bulbs For a Better America) took to the floor of the Senate to talk about drone killings in one of those old-fashioned filibusters that, were they still standard, would probably ensure more bills got voted on simply because most senators are such [...]
John McCain and Lindsey Graham: Rand Paul Should Shut Up Because He Is Not John McCain or Lindsey Graham
Yesterday the world was aflutter with news that Rand Paul had decided to burble on for 13 hours straight about drones. At least we think it was 13 hours. We stopped counting after writing our post. Said post was VERY HARD to write, you guys, because it required a lengthy explanation of why Rand Paul [...]
Rand Paul Offers Common Sense Solution of Ruining Schools to Save Education
Hey Rand Paul, what are you ranting and raving about today? Oh nothing, just wanking off about the best way to destroy public education (or what’s left of it) no big deal. Will his latest proposal go anywhere? We hope not, but probably the point isn’t to actually DO something about education and poverty; the [...]
Rand Paul Has Smartest Economic Idea Since 9-9-9
So, here is Rand Paul’s Teatacular response to the State of the Union address which we did not actually manage to livebloog yesterday because we were streaming the wrong thing on CSPAN or something, we don’t really know. We will spare you the awfulness of a blow-by blow response, or even say much about the [...]
When Is The GOP Response To The State of the Union? When Is The Tea Party Response To The State of the Union? When Is ‘My Little Pony’ On?
The GOP Response to the most exciting SOTU evaris real soon! The Tea Party Response to the SOTU is after that! Marco Rubio is giving the official GOP response, and Rand Paul is giving the Tea Party response. Neither is expected to be as entertaining as that one time when Kenneth the NBC Page gave [...]
Rand Paul Outraged That Low-Flow Toilets Can’t Handle His Monster Dumps
Remember Ron Reagan, pooh-poohing (see what we did there?) George H.W. Bush? “My dad shits bigger than him,” he announced, which has led to our wondering for over 20 (30?) years if he meant his dad’s poos were bigger than an entire man, which sounds painful, or if his poos were just bigger than George [...]
Michelle Malkin: No One Is Mad Enough About Benghazi Except Michelle Malkin
Tiny rage-fueled harridan Michelle Malkin is VERY MAD you guys! EXTREMELY MAD. Yr Wonkette is aware that this is typically no news whatsoever, but today she is mad at the GOP for being “sychophantic” to…wait for it…Hillary Clinton. Did Michelle Malkin see the same hearings we saw yesterday? The one where Rand Paul said he [...]
We Feel Like Rand Paul May Be Forgetting A ‘Worst Tragedy Since 9/11′
Hey Rand Paul, whatcha doing? Just yelling at Hillary Clinton about how you totally would have fired her for lying down on the job during “the worst tragedy since 9/11″? That sounds fun. But we feel like maybe you have forgotten a bigger worst tragedy since 9/11? We wonder what it could be.
Oh Whoops, Add ‘Assaulted A Stewardess’ To Charges Against Rand Paul’s Drunky Underage Son (Updated!)
Hey ladies! When we reported on Rand Paul’s drunky underage son’s pre-11 a.m. bout of airplane awesomeness, we somehow missed that he was also charged with assaulting a stew! Whoops!
Rand Paul’s Drunky Underage Son Arrested For Being Too Awesome
What’s up, “William Hilton Paul,” if that even is your real name? (What, “Ramada” was taken?) Oh, you just got hauled off from the airport to the pokey for being too rad? Let us examine, together, your charges: When the plane landed about 10:49 a.m., Paul was charged with consuming beer/wine underage, disorderly conduct and [...]
Today Perhaps Not Greatest Day For Rand Paul’s Hilarious Gun-Waiting-Period ‘Joke’
Kentucky Senator Rand Paul has some ideas. And they are that if Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is going to be such a total Hitler as to suggest that a senator who wants to filibuster something has to actually filibuster that thing, then Rand Paul would like some Senate “rule changes” of his own! First [...]
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