Wonkette

Ralph Nader may think Hillary Clinton is in with the Corporates, sure, but Ralph is in with Democracy. That’s why he is so disturbed about Obama supporters pressuring her to drop out of the race. He was so shocked, aesthetically, when Sen. Patrick Leahy told her to drop out last week that he wrote a poem for Hillary. It is a beautiful poem, written in free verse. Hell, why stop there? It is actually the most beautiful poem since one of Shakespeare’s many poems. You should read it after the jump, if you have any feelings. MORE »

NADER ANNOUNCING RUNNING MATE RIGHT NOW, AT PREPPY CRAP SCHOOL: Presidential candidate from Hell, Ralph Nader, is announcing his running mate RIGHT NOW at George Washington University in the District of Columbia. Will it be a black lady, a blind hobbit, or one of those dastardly wicket goblins? We’ll let you know which of these three he chooses.

UPDATE: It is this human, “San Francisco Supervisor and Board President” Matt Gonzalez, who is either white or Mexican, but not black, female, a hobbit or a wicket goblin, as of this hour. [Ralph Nader]

In these crucial final days of the epic Lady vs. Kenyan primary, it’s important that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama only agree for 30 seconds, only at the end of each weekly debate — and they can only agree that they’re both awesome. That’s why it’s so shocking to hear the enemy combatants saying the same thing about Ralph Nader’s jump into the race. They both want him to die. MORE »

Very old consumer advocate Ralph Nader launched a third-party bid for the presidency again today, bringing a swift end to corporate welfare queens across America. Wear yr seatbelts! MORE »

One brave man had the courage to write in the New York Times this weekend about some of the darkest, most painful days of his life. Days that would make a few waterboardings or even the Full Lieberman seem like child’s play. He was literally cast out upon the waters, trapped on a vessel with only miles of icy Alaskan sea all around, with no respite from the unending torment of Ralph Nader, Richard Dreyfuss, and Katrina vanden Heuvel on what one fellow captive described as “an S.D.S. reunion on the Love Boat.” MORE »

We warned you that Ralph Nader has picked up John Edwards’ discarded angry-hobo-under-the-bridge act by launching a shitty website, but we forgot to tell you how to help his efforts to build a post-corporate email list. [Nader 2008 Presidential Exploratory Committee]

Every four years for the last millenium, Ralph Nader wakes up some morning surrounded by corporate tax returns and various other “records,” and decides that none of the candidates in either party represent any change or positive “good.” He supposes he does. Today, he has a web site up for his exploratory committee for a 2008 bid. And that is all there is to say about Ralph Nader. [Nader 2008 Presidential Exploratory Committee]

*IT HURTS BUT I LIKE IT:* “Consumer advocate Ralph Nader said on Monday he will decide soon on whether to make a another bid for the White House in 2008, eight years after playing a key role as a third party presidential candidate.” It would be funny if he died. [Reuters/Yahoo]

The Green Party is alive and we… well, they’re alive anyway and they held their own candidate debate yesterday in San Francisco, moderated by the needs-to-permanently-disappear-from-public-life Cindy Sheehan and either Matt Gonzalez or Aimee Allison (reports on the matter conflict, probably because of the contact high the reporters had). MORE »

Hi everybody, it’s your old friend Ken Layne. So I went on vacation a couple months ago, and then I saw three triangular UFOs over Shirley MacClaine’s house, and the next thing I remember was the picket line outside the Wonkette office building, which is actually an abandoned Chinese buffet restaurant next to a Payday Loan place in Prince George’s County.

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