Wonkette

Ralph Nader decided to open his trap about Barack Obama on Monday in an interview with the Rocky Mountain News, AND: “There’s only one thing different about Barack Obama when it comes to being a Democratic presidential candidate. He’s half African-American. Whether that will make any difference, I don’t know. I haven’t heard him have a strong crackdown on economic exploitation in the ghettos. Payday loans, predatory lending, asbestos, lead. What’s keeping him from doing that? Is it because he wants to talk white?” Indeed, why can’t Wonder Bread Obama over here find himself a damn niche already? [Rocky Mountain News]

Proving that Obama’s 15-point lead in last week’s Newsweek poll was a liberal hoax, a hot new LA Times poll has Obama’s lead diminishing to a statistically insignificant 12 points, or 15 if you include fictional losers Bob Barr and Ralph Nader. Also, among voters who said they’d vote for McCain, only 45% are “enthusiastic” about doing that (Mexican vs. Muslim, pick your poison etc. etc.), while that figure is 81% for Obama. This just goes to show how screwed the Democrats will be come November. Sooner or later these Obamatards will realize that in the Real World, you don’t “like” politicians or presume they’ve got anything good to offer; you vote for the schlock you completely fucking hate, because why set yourself up for disappointment? [LA Times]

Just when you think nothing can top the antics of Paultards and Hilltardz, the Naderites of Elections Past are back to show you how it’s done. Despite being completely ignored by all media, Ralph Nader gets 6% of the vote in a new CNN poll. WTF? MORE »

Here is presidential candidate and glorified hobo Ralph Nader speaking at the first “Cluster Bomb Olympics” in D.C. yesterday, courtesy of Wonkette hobo-security operative “Nicholas.” The event celebrates the humanity of cluster bombs, which are like clusterfucks, in bomb form. While Obama drew 75,000 people to his little vaudeville act in Portland yesterday, Nader probably got like 20. And that may be just enough to tip this election, again. [Ekklesia]

Everyone To Ralph Nader: PISS OFF AND NOW Ralph Nader, our lovable Ay-rab independent presidential candidate (who was a long-time friend of Israel-stone-throwing-at academic Edward Said), is now hated by absolutely everyone, but especially the people who worked for his last campaign. All his old seatbelt-loving, tree-hugging, corporation-despising non-profit pals want nothing to do with him and his plans to ease our Lord and Savior John McCain into the Oval Office. Why will Nader not understand that non-Republicans need to make a not-difficult choice between two nearly identical candidates, one or both of whom will go on to serve as a ball of string for John “Big Angry War Cat” McCain later this year? Old fool. [The New Republic]

Ralph Nader really wants to ruin this election, too, so he is apparently running for president again. And guess what? The bitter, poor, unemployed and probably communist voters of Michigan (a “failed state”) are supposedly throwing 10% of their votes away on “Nader-Gonzales.” Well, at least Alberto Gonzales found a job. Read the exciting campaign update from Ralph the Mouth, after the jump. MORE »

Ralph Nader may think Hillary Clinton is in with the Corporates, sure, but Ralph is in with Democracy. That’s why he is so disturbed about Obama supporters pressuring her to drop out of the race. He was so shocked, aesthetically, when Sen. Patrick Leahy told her to drop out last week that he wrote a poem for Hillary. It is a beautiful poem, written in free verse. Hell, why stop there? It is actually the most beautiful poem since one of Shakespeare’s many poems. You should read it after the jump, if you have any feelings. MORE »

NADER ANNOUNCING RUNNING MATE RIGHT NOW, AT PREPPY CRAP SCHOOL: Presidential candidate from Hell, Ralph Nader, is announcing his running mate RIGHT NOW at George Washington University in the District of Columbia. Will it be a black lady, a blind hobbit, or one of those dastardly wicket goblins? We’ll let you know which of these three he chooses.

UPDATE: It is this human, “San Francisco Supervisor and Board President” Matt Gonzalez, who is either white or Mexican, but not black, female, a hobbit or a wicket goblin, as of this hour. [Ralph Nader]