Rahm Emanuel
It was a nail-biter, folks! Illinois’ 5th District held a special election after Rahm Emanuel left his post to go whisper evil imprecations in the ear of our malleable and naive young king, Barack Obama. Two contenders emerged: Cook County Commissioner and known Democrat Mike Quigley, and the deranged Freeper Rosanna Pulido. Ms. Pulido put [...]
Several months ago Rahm Emanuel left his post in the House of Representatives and temporarily abandoned his ambitions to become the first nine-and-a-half-fingered Speaker of the House in order to crack skulls for Barack Obama. Today, the specialest of all special elections determines who will “fill his seat.”
Everybody thought Rahm Emanuel was going to be such a hard-ass mobster for Barack Obama, but the actual strategy seems to involve Rahm personally saving people all over Washington every day, until everybody in town literally owes their life to Rahm. The superhero chief of staff saved a congressman yesterday, and not just any congressman, [...]
Let’s turn an eye toward the New Yorker, a popular New York-based magazine that sometimes has a passable amount to do with DC and politics, making it a-okay for this, “the DC gossip.” Plus, as you may have heard, certain New Yorker staff writers have been turning a bemonocoled eye towards your Wonkette, and you [...]
Heartthrob angel of death Rahm Emanuel went to the movies Saturday night! He went to see a sports movie called The Wrestler at Washington’s E Street Cinema (the one that serves beer), and was getting all amped up to see Marisa Tomei’s boobs until the guy next to him had a seizure, at which point [...]
Shameless anti-Roland Burris propaganda organs The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune are demanding that America’s first black president Roland Burris retire from the Senate and give up his position of chairman of the Joint Committee on Inspiring Generations to Come. [TPMMuckraker] This guy, Mike Quigley, is the favorite to be crowned Replacement Rahm Emanuel, [...]
Bars and restaurants are possibly maybe finally going “smoke-free” in Virginia, the Philip Morris State. In the past Tim Kaine had stopped this from happening but now who knows. [DC Examiner] White powder and a dead fish were mailed to the Dept. of Homeland Security, meaning Rahm Emanuel is the Zodiac. [Washington Post] The journoterrorist [...]
There is an unwritten rule in D.C. politics that during any given session of Congress, at least one (1) legislator or White House staffer must live in a shameful basement dwelling unfit for human habitation. Senator Norm Coleman once proudly held the title of Hobo King, but then he got (nearly?) run out of office [...]
If you were denied your basic human right to attend the Inauguration thanks to “severe logistical breakdowns,” you could be eligible to receive a photo of all the fun you missed on Barry’s special day! [DCist] Hey listen up hippies: your all-natural trail mix has diseases. [WTOP] Jill, Michelle and Fentys Adrian and “his wife” [...]
Rahm Emanuel wanted Obama’s Senate seat for himself — it is a fucking object of inestimable worth — and asked Blaggy to save it for him. Still, he didn’t offer Blaggy any famous nine-fingered handjobs in return. [TPMMuckraker] Howard Wolfson is taking his porn and his Bon Iver mixtapes and his dumb blog to New [...]
The Obama camp’s internal investigation report about its contact with Blaggy’s office regarding the “fuckin’ valuable” Senate seat “thing” has been released. Written by Obama’s fancy lawyer, Greg Craig, the report comes in at a brisk 4.5 pages. No one on the Obama team, according to the Obama team report, ever discussed any sort of [...]
Rick Warren will exorcise the all gay out of Barry using the same Bible that Lincoln used at his Invocation. [The Caucus] Barack Obama has shipped Rahm Emanuel to Africa, where he will be able to avoid Blaggy. [HuffPost] Here is famed music critic Howard Wolfson’s list of all the music he listened to while [...]
