Wonkette

Is Washington the pussiest city ever? Shuts down completely at the first sight of snow, no one gets any work done in the summer ’cause it’s too hot, every day another pneumatic hammer is mistaken for a terrorist attack, and now the entire city is crippled by A LITTLE RAIN. The IRS, Justice, Commerce, the National goddam Archives, and huge swaths of the Metro — closed! Because it’s a bit wet! Anyway, continuing our coverage-by-proxy of the state of the Democratic Party, we’ve received what we’re pretty sure is the definitive reports on the DNC flood-watch: MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Angry Crackberry addict Bob Ney may still take out his anti-Copley News ad… Rahm Emanuel was seen having a “quiet, sulky dinner” with Fox’s Major Garrett at Rosa Mexicana. [Roll Call]
• The Scoop:Ann Coulter accused of plagiarism. [MSNBC]
• Washington Whispers: Michael Chertoff doesn’t use email… Dennis Hastert’s staff has dangerous helicopter ride in Iraq… Mike Huckabee to raise money for presidential run in unorthodox fashion: “I’ve got a map of 7-Elevens, a bunch of blue steel revolvers, and some ski masks,” he kids. “We’re going to go all over the country and raise money in a very unique way.” [USN&WR]

• Rep. Rahm Emanuel, head of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, hurls expletives at Dean over election strategy; Emanuel fears Dean is spending too much money too soon: “This is a historic opportunity, and we can’t squander it.” [WP, NYT]
• The NSA is “amassing information about the calls of ordinary Americans — most of whom aren’t suspected of any crime”; calls made by tens of millions of Americans are logged. [USAT]
• Bush is losing support among his base at a “rapid” clip; Gallup registers “a 13-percentage-point drop in Republican support for Bush in the past couple of weeks.” [WP]
• Republicans seek to gain upper-hand on energy issues with a “whole series” of measures. [WSJ]
• National issues are shaping local races this year; “Republicans are swimming against a national tide of voter unrest.” [WSJ]
• House passes $70B tax package mostly along party lines, 244 to 185. [WP, NYT, USAT]
• National Archives violated rules when White House lawyers looked at John Roberts‘ files; papers on affirmative action are missing. [WP]

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* Reliable Source: Fox News will not stage a party after the Radio & Television Correspondents Association Dinner. . . White House to host small “social dinner” tomorrow night to celebrate Ben Franklin’s 300th birthday. [WP]
* Under the Dome: “Law & Order” plot line strikes the GOP the wrong way. . . Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.) and Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-Ill.) seek temporary memorial in the Capitol Rotunda for soldiers killed in Iraq. [The Hill]
* Page Six: New book claims that Laura Bush took “hormone adjustment” to conceive twins. . . Blind item asks, “Which political reporter attends so-called ‘circuit parties’ while flying high on ecstasy?” [NYP]
* Inside the Beltway: Ben Bradlee is visiting the South Pacific for The New Yorker. . . PETA wants Antonin Scalia to stop killing fish. [WT]
* Rush & Molloy: Giuliani hits the ground in Iowa. . . Photos of Pataki’s daughter downing tequila land on the Internet. [NYDN]

What the heck is going on? Are famous people abandoning our fair city — or are you, our readers, just not sending in enough sightings to us?

After the jump, a handful of desultory Wonk’d items. We were so hard up for sightings that most of our items involve D.C. types spotted hundreds of miles away from the District.

We know that you can do better for next week. Please email us your sightings, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line. Much thanks!

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• Reliable Source: Bush’s chances of being on jury duty are zero. . . Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-Ill.) tears ligament playing touch-football with Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Garry Shandling, and his brother, agent Ari Emanuel. [WP]
• Page Six: Barbara Bush spotted buying $300 pair of Beja Boots. [NYP] MORE »

• Names & Faces: Is Lloyd Grove through at the New York Daily News? [WP]
• Under the Dome: Hillary roasts Rahm Emanuel: “Republicans may have the Hammer, but we have the Nutcracker! He has calves like Baryshnikov and a mouth like Cheney.”. . . Elizabeth Dole, Richard Burr, Bob Novak, Jerry Falwell, Orrin Hatch attend tribute to Jesse Helms. [The Hill]
• Inside the Beltway: Congressional staffers enjoy hemp feast. [WT]
• Cindy Adams: Donna Brazile: “I’m an African-American whose life has been a victory. But then came Katrina. . . Right now we need a president who will help. He’s helping. I’m so grateful. Poverty and misery is humbling. I’m humbled to the core that this administration is helping the poorest of the poor. . . I applaud this president for stepping up.” [NYP]
• Rush & Molloy: Bette Midler booed at Madison Square Garden Katrina fundraiser for joking, “George Bush likes my music. He came to see me in the ’70s. A coke dealer of mine got him some tickets.” [NYDN]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: 9/11 activist mothers call for tough investigation into Katrina response. Kristen Breitweiser: “This time, there’s got to be accountability. If you’re an elected official, you should be inviting accountability for yourself.” [NYDN]

• Names & Faces: Jordan’s King Abdullah II frequents the Georgetown Safeway. . . Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner skip out on Capitol Hill gala. [WP]
• Inside the Beltway: Kerry was eating at Cafe Milano when Bush was addressing the nation. [WT]
• Under the Dome: Hillary, Begala, Obama, Dodd, Safire among those set to roast Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-Ill.) tonight. . . Rep. Collin Peterson (D-Minn.), Rep. Thaddeus McCotter (R-Mich.), Rep. Dave Weldon (R-Fla.), Rep. Jon Porter (R-Nev.), and Rep. Kenny Hulshof (R-Mo.) play Farm Aid. . . Rep. John Kline’s (R-Minn.) son leaves to serve in Iraq. [The Hill]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Dick Morris yells at fellow flyers: “Goddamn it! Shut up! I’m trying to sleep!” [NYDN]
• Rush & Molloy: Patricia Arquette: “All the poor, all the working poor who live from paycheck to paycheck. . . I know Trent Lott’s gonna get a new house. But a lot of people aren’t.” [NYDN]

We were up late last night, crossing our fingers for handsome anti-war vet Paul Hackett to squeak out a victory in Ohio. But by the time the gin was gone, the race was called for the scary marathon-running pro-lifer. Imagine our surprise upon reading this morning that Hackett’s loss was, in fact, a sure sign of Republicans’ downfall; as Rep. Rahm Emanuel, chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, put it, “There’s no safe Republican district. You can run, but you cannot hide.” We asked Fred Becker to explain.

Dear Willie Wonka,
 
I need a vibrant two party system and this morning’s result from Ohio depresses me. Not because I am haunted by the skeletal frame of the Republican winner (is she planning on challenging Bush to a race?), but because the Democrats’ spin makes my brain curdle. Not to put too fine a point on it, but when the other candidate gets more votes, that’s a win.

Continued after the jump.

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