Wonkette

Mean old Congressman Rahm Emanuel, speaking at the elitist New Yorker Conference today, pretty much said that Obama is the nominee. Since Rahm Emanuel is a Democratic Leader, this was big news. But since he is an undecided superdelegate who — like others — could just END THIS RACE RIGHT NOW PLEASE, he refused to do this and retracted his statement through a catty little spokesperson. MORE »

“As an amateur student of constitutional history and as a member of Congress, I have come to the conclusion that the Senate was a historic mistake,” said ADE Rahm Emanuel yesterday. Rahm, you see, is the 4th-ranking Democrat in the House and he’s a sad little fucking asshole panda because the Senate can’t just do everything he wants. So, obviously, they’re just a waste of space.

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John McCain has a hundred soldiers protecting him as he braves markets in California, Karen Hughes atones for the Administration’s moral failings one spoonful at a time, Rahm Emanuel stuffs his own face every night of the week, Trent Lott names things after himself, Christopher Hitchens is surprisingly solvent, Chuck Hagel’s offspring is surprisingly not repellent, and our favorite Marine can’t stay semper fi to just one lady.

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* Heard on the Hill: Senate Republicans defy Dick Cheney’s demands, sing “Happy Birthday” to him. Kay Bailey Hutchison missing, presumed dead… Rep. Heather Wilson made shirts that say “I Survived Hurricane Emanuel.” Now Rahm wants one. Oh, the fun they have in Congress. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Miss America judge Chris Mattews asked contestants about Falkner. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Chris Matthews also asked Miss D.C. where Osama bin Laden is. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: Weekly Standard uses Al Kamen column mocking them to sell their upcoming cruise… Juan Williams and George W. Bush: BFF. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Barack Obama is freezing out FoxNews after they aired the crazy secret muslim story… Nancy Pelosi returned home from Iraq to find a terrifying raven living in her Georgetown apartment. [WP]

There is no coat in the land to protect you from the douche chills that will travel down your spine upon reading Anthony Weiner waxing eloquent about himself to his famous-for-DC-fucking dinner companion. Wary of being caught in a similar scene, Harold Ford Jr. takes his game to the more fertile dating fields of California. Others living up to their reputations this week: Dennis Hastert bangs down some bangers and mash, Joe Lieberman man-dates through Georgetown, and Barack Obama’s teeth throw off the white balance on cameras all over town. All these plus the last two people you’d ever want to see in an emergency, after you cross the police line.

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Do you want to read a lengthy profile of former DCCC head Rahm Emanuel? Of course not! What about after we share this anecdote: MORE »

* Fox News is looking to fill the long vacant position of “fact writer.” [Mediabistro]
* Silvestre Reyes is smart, just not relevant-to-national-security smart. [The Volokh Conspiracy]
* Congressman Roger Wicker, whose Mississippi upbringing imbued him with a deep love for opacity in government operations, wants congressional staff salaries off the internetz. [Potomac Flacks]
* Rahm Emanuel did not have awareness relations with those Mark Foley mails. [Unclaimed Territory] MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Rahm Emanuel puts Ken Mehlman in a “mini-bear hug,” asks what he’s doing next, says, “Banking, Ken, that’s where the money is” … Surprise entertainment at the exclusive RIAA holiday party? The Barenaked Ladies. Ok, we’re linking to so many pirated mp3s in protest now… “A revised floor schedule for Wednesday was sent out advising, “H.R. 6136 — Margaret Thatcher Congressional Gold Medal Act HAS BEEN PULLED.” Thank christ for Barny Frank. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Because they live in Virginia, Mary Cheney’s partner Heather Poe will have no legal guardianship over their baby and won’t be allowed to adopt it unless they move to Maryland. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Official Congressional Gym very crowded these days, Democrats out of shape… Nancy Pelosi was 45 minutes late to a press briefing, more Democrats even later the next day. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Nancy Pelosi/Barbara Walters interview in the Capitol forces GOP staffers to wait until they pass before finishing cleaning out their bosses’ office… Santorum’s website slightly more gracious than his last speech… “Phil Olsen, the captain for Team USA in the World Beard and Moustache Championships, says [John] Bolton is welcome to a spot on the team.” [The Hill]
* Page Six: Just pure insanity re. Lindsay Lohan and Al Gore. It’s sad and crazy and makes us uncomfortable. [NYP]

* Iraqi leaders claim the Iraq Study Group’s report fails to understand the cultural complexities driving the problems in Iraq…[WP]
* …Though they might just be pissed about all the haterific comments like “grave” and “deteriorating” the group made about their country. [WP, NYT]
* Robert Gates rides a wave of “not Donald Rumsfeld” to Senate confirmation. [WP]
* Election losses make Republicans think more conservative is the way to go. [WP]
* It’s been 30 days since the election and Democrats are now fully on the take from lobbyists, including Rahm Emanuel, who just loves those Wagyu burgers. [WSJ]
* FBI unsure if there has actually been a rise in public corruption, or if they are just more competent at finding it. [WP]
* Jimmy Carter: not such a loveable old granddad after all, and maybe a plagiarist and fact maker-upper. [WP, NYT]
* Dick Cheney: not such a hate filled gorgon after all, hints he may actually love his future grandchild. [NYT]

The congressman from Illinois is making powerful friends wherever he goes. During a Monday night Daily Show appearance, the DCCC wizard was doing the usual “Bush sucks” routine and made a reference to FDR. MORE »