Rahm Emanuel

The National Labor Relations Board handed down a 24-page decision saying Northwestern University sportsball players are employees of the university and may form a union. Quarterback Kain Colter has been the face of the pro-unionization campaign. It’s no surprise this happened in Chicago, one of the last bastions of organized labor activity with balls. Let’s […]

Are you a grown-ass person that still likes to play with toys and pretend you are someone else? We really wish we could stop you from doing that. But since we can’t, why not consider fighting for freedom of the press or something like that, but in a really self-aggrandizing way by pretending you are […]

Today is the best day of Rahm Emanuel’s life. Okay, maybe a close second, behind that loooooong day he spent with Tim Shriver at the White House honing his sensitivity skills. But today, man, just look at how those media suckers are eating up his story about being so “livid” that he won’t even return […]

Michelle Obama didn’t read that new book about her and the President, but she does have something to say about the tales therein. In an interview airing on CBS’s “This Morning” Wednesday (here’s a preview), the First Lady says, among other things, that she’s sick of being portrayed as “some kind of angry black woman.” […]

Hallelujah, our FLOTUS has survived yet another dreadful year in the White House. We don’t really know how she does it, but then again, she looks like she has had a lot of endurance training. So, will 2012 be the dawn of a new era in Michelle Obama’s FLOTUS career, or will we spend another […]

Our FLOTUS had her fun last week, when she went for a casual walk through a Target store even though she wasn’t fooling anyone. Now she is back to her normal business, which means she is hanging out with her BFF Rahm Emanuel, shouting curse words at the fat children of Chicago’s food deserts. But […]

Remember that funny, foul-mouthed creature who used to lurk around Barack Obama, screaming things? Well he left Washington, D.C. because he heard the Earthquake of 2011 was a-comin’ and wanted to be in Chicago, where the ground does not move. And he is so happy he did this that he cannot keep his love a […]

President Obama is celebrating his birthday tonight, with Jennifer Hudson and those treadmill-dancing fellows. He is doing this in Chicago, so your Wonkette decided to give up a perfectly good Wednesday evening to try to go hear Rahm Emanuel yell some swears. This did not happen, and overall it was a very boring street gathering […]

The polite term that CNN uses for Rahm Emanuel’s latest outburst is “feisty,” which is the sort of word your grandmother uses to describe the family’s screamer alcoholic uncle who goes off about how his disability check isn’t even enough to cover the cost of a new toilet seat when you ask him about the […]

In a related story, now that our long national birth-certificate nightmare is over, is everyone going to have sex and make babies in the midst of all this excitement? LOOK AT THE BIRTH RATES IN NINE MONTHS. AND ALSO CHECK TO SEE IF A BULL GIVES BIRTH TO A HALF RAHM. [30FPS]

Because we are a dumb political joke blog, we spent all day writing about Sarah Palin’s “Lou Sarah” account on Facebook and other shoddy, paltry bits of American Public Life instead of the actual political news of the day. What is wrong with us? Oh, right, we are trapped in a dipshit business of chasing […]

INSERT TAG  9:19 pm February 22, 2011

Rahm Mayor

by Jack Stuef

Rahm Emanuel, the former chief of staff to President Barack Obama, won the Chicago mayoral election Tuesday, topping the 50% threshold to avoid a run-off vote, CNN projects. Bye fucker. [CNN]

It is interesting that in a few short years, a very large state legalizing civil unions is now minor news. Anyway, here is phantom-eyed new Illinois resident Rahm Emanuel at the gay after-party, pictured with friend Unsettling Sentient Orb of Pure Energy, celebrating his new state’s basic human decency, via Wonkette operative “Gregg K.”

WHAT ARE STATE LINES OTHER THAN AN ARBITRARY CONTRIVANCE OF AN IMPERFECT HUMANITY? Rahm Emanuel’s bid to become mayor of this city may proceed, the Illinois Supreme Court ruled on Thursday. Well, there you have it. Perhaps this is the last Rahm post we’ll ever have to do until he becomes a boring mayor and […]

And so, even as printing of the city’s ballots was set to begin immediately at the Chicago Board of Elections (early voting is to start next Monday), all eyes were turning to the Illinois Supreme Court. The court – made up of four Democrats and three Republicans – may consider Mr. Emanuel’s request for an […]