Tag Archives: Rahm Emanuel

  It's amazing who gets to be a "journalist" these days

Lady Writer Wishes Hurricane Katrina Would Destroy Chicago, Is That Mean?

Obama probably shouldn't mention weather either.
It was like so great you guys! Hey, remember Hurricane Katrina? It was ten years ago, almost! It was devastating. The final death count was 1,836 in Louisiana and Mississippi, and over half of them were elderly. Eighty percent of the city of New Orleans was flooded, and in poorer areas, the city is STILL rebuilding, or worse, not rebuilding. Yes, it’s rebounded in many ways, and of course it’s a hipster magnet, yadda yadda, but some of the things that have sprung up in the last ten years are NOT so great, like how the public schools were already failing before Katrina, but the new holy grail charter school system isn’t really doing any better. Oh, and also, too, much of the “rebirth” that’s happened in New Orleans is super fucking GREAT if you are middle-class or above, but if you’re poor? Sucks to you be you, honestly. Read more on Lady Writer Wishes Hurricane Katrina Would Destroy Chicago, Is That Mean?…
  Pence is highly offended by all your rude comments about Indiana

Everyone Is Laughing At That Poor Dumb Idiot, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence

The Indianapolis Star‘s Tuesday edition is a bit stunning, in that the entire front page is devoted to an editorial demanding that Indiana lawmakers “FIX THIS NOW.” They are of course referring to the Fuck The Gays law, signed by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, which has single-handedly sent the state to number one on pretty much everyone’s list of “states where I do not wish to find myself stranded.” Read more on Everyone Is Laughing At That Poor Dumb Idiot, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence…
  cheerleaders auxiliary is a good auxiliary

Union Thugs Get Greasy Hands On College Sportsball

The National Labor Relations Board handed down a 24-page decision saying Northwestern University sportsball players are employees of the university and may form a union. Quarterback Kain Colter has been the face of the pro-unionization campaign. It’s no surprise this happened in Chicago, one of the last bastions of organized labor activity with balls. Read more on Union Thugs Get Greasy Hands On College Sportsball…
  snowden smash

Be The Pasty Computer Hacker Of Your Dreams With This Edward Snowden Action Figure

Are you a grown-ass person that still likes to play with toys and pretend you are someone else? We really wish we could stop you from doing that. But since we can’t, why not consider fighting for freedom of the press or something like that, but in a really self-aggrandizing way by pretending you are Julian Assange and/or Edward Snowden? An Oregon firm introduced an action figure of former National Security Agency contractor Edward Snowden. ThatsMyFace.com, whose catalog also includes Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, said that the 12-inch Snowden figure comes dressed in a blue shirt, casual trousers and black high-top shoes, but wardrobe options include a gray-striped business suit, Indiana Jones outfit and a combat uniform. It sells for $99. Read more on Be The Pasty Computer Hacker Of Your Dreams With This Edward Snowden Action Figure…
  'chicago hard-ball politics rules'

Rahm Emanuel Has Been Locked In His Bedroom, Sobbing, For 24 Hours

Today is the best day of Rahm Emanuel’s life. Okay, maybe a close second, behind that loooooong day he spent with Tim Shriver at the White House honing his sensitivity skills. But today, man, just look at how those media suckers are eating up his story about being so “livid” that he won’t even return calls to the Ricketts family, the Cubs owners whose patriarch, Joe, was going to run all of those hilarious Jeremy Wright ads. Please. He’s acting. He’s “livid” 100% of the time, and he’s constitutionally incapable of putting his phone down. But the Ricketts are scared like the dickens after hearing this, so the plan worked: pretend to be volcanically upset at them — as if some old coot running a couple of wingnut ads would actually offend Rahm Emanuel — and then (a) watch a few other rich old idiots drop their own half-assed Super PAC plans, in fear, and (b) secure a better deal for renovations to Wrigley Field. Yeah, sure, it’s totally inappropriate to publicly threaten to blow up a public financing deal because of a heat-of-the-moment personal grudge. But doesn’t that just make it more exciting? Read more on Rahm Emanuel Has Been Locked In His Bedroom, Sobbing, For 24 Hours…
  workplace conflicts

Michelle Obama Not ‘Some Kind of Angry Black Woman’

Michelle Obama didn’t read that new book about her and the President, but she does have something to say about the tales therein. In an interview airing on CBS’s “This Morning” Wednesday (here’s a preview), the First Lady says, among other things, that she’s sick of being portrayed as “some kind of angry black woman.” “I guess it’s just more interesting to imagine this conflicted situation here,” she adds. EXCUSE ME, SOMEONE IS TRYING TO SELL A BOOK HERE, FLOBAMA. Read more on Michelle Obama Not ‘Some Kind of Angry Black Woman’…
  flotus files

New Book Reveals FLOTUS Hates Rahm Emanuel, Just Wants to Party

Hallelujah, our FLOTUS has survived yet another dreadful year in the White House. We don’t really know how she does it, but then again, she looks like she has had a lot of endurance training. So, will 2012 be the dawn of a new era in Michelle Obama’s FLOTUS career, or will we spend another unfortunate year tallying up our First Lady’s vacation costs, and crying because we can’t even afford the latest grilled cheese monstrosity at Denny’s? Nobody knows, but what we do have is a new book that is rumored to include many “juicy details” about our First Lady, details like “she hates Irish Catholics and Rahm Emanuel.” Time to grab that 100-calorie snack pack and one of those reading machines! Read more on New Book Reveals FLOTUS Hates Rahm Emanuel, Just Wants to Party…
  flotus files

FLOTUS Moments Away From Creating Actual Army of Obese Children

Our FLOTUS had her fun last week, when she went for a casual walk through a Target store even though she wasn’t fooling anyone. Now she is back to her normal business, which means she is hanging out with her BFF Rahm Emanuel, shouting curse words at the fat children of Chicago’s food deserts. But between that and settling violent disputes between Sasha and Malia over who gets “Scott,” the Secret Service guy who probably most resembles Justin Bieber, our Michelle still finds time for the little things, like trying to get in the Guinness Book of World Records. Read more on FLOTUS Moments Away From Creating Actual Army of Obese Children…
 

Smiling Jerk Rahm Emanuel Is So Happy To Be Out of The White House

Remember that funny, foul-mouthed creature who used to lurk around Barack Obama, screaming things? Well he left Washington, D.C. because he heard the Earthquake of 2011 was a-comin’ and wanted to be in Chicago, where the ground does not move. And he is so happy he did this that he cannot keep his love a secret! Read more on Smiling Jerk Rahm Emanuel Is So Happy To Be Out of The White House…
  happy birthday

On the Ground At Barack Obama’s Birthday/Ramadan Festival

President Obama is celebrating his birthday tonight, with Jennifer Hudson and those treadmill-dancing fellows. He is doing this in Chicago, so your Wonkette decided to give up a perfectly good Wednesday evening to try to go hear Rahm Emanuel yell some swears. This did not happen, and overall it was a very boring street gathering of Poors unable to pay their way inside. But we took pictures anyway, so there you go. Read more on On the Ground At Barack Obama’s Birthday/Ramadan Festival…
  tantrums

Watch Rahm Emanuel Storm Away From Harmless Interview Question

The polite term that CNN uses for Rahm Emanuel’s latest outburst is “feisty,” which is the sort of word your grandmother uses to describe the family’s screamer alcoholic uncle who goes off about how his disability check isn’t even enough to cover the cost of a new toilet seat when you ask him about the Cubs game. That is sort of crazy! Just like Rahm, who walked out of an interview when the terrible CNN lady asked him if he will send his kids to a public or a private school. HOW DARE SHE. Read more on Watch Rahm Emanuel Storm Away From Harmless Interview Question… Read more on Watch Rahm Emanuel Storm Away From Harmless Interview Question…
  love late in life

Rahm Emanuel Shares Romantic Moment With Bull Furry

In a related story, now that our long national birth-certificate nightmare is over, is everyone going to have sex and make babies in the midst of all this excitement? LOOK AT THE BIRTH RATES IN NINE MONTHS. AND ALSO CHECK TO SEE IF A BULL GIVES BIRTH TO A HALF RAHM. [30FPS] Read more on Rahm Emanuel Shares Romantic Moment With Bull Furry…
  world of turmoil

Rahm Emanuel Defeats (?) Muammar el-Qaddafi

Because we are a dumb political joke blog, we spent all day writing about Sarah Palin’s “Lou Sarah” account on Facebook and other shoddy, paltry bits of American Public Life instead of the actual political news of the day. What is wrong with us? Oh, right, we are trapped in a dipshit business of chasing page views and watching literally everything we type immediately “re-blogged” on these giant sleaze networks run by craven multi-millionaires. When the power goes out, like it repeatedly did at Wonkette’s offices over the weekend, we yell “Huzzah!” Anyway, as seen in the Wonkwire Headline News Column to the right of this item, Sleazy Chicago Gangster Rahm “Fingers” Emanuel easily won the most corrupt job in American Urban Politics. Yay! He got a lot of training for being Mayor of Chicago by being a Democrat in the House of Representatives and then being the high-roller blackjack dealer at the White House. And he easily defeated 400-year-old cross-dressing Libyan strongman Mo-Money Kaddafi or however they spell it on Huffington Post or Foreign Affairs or whatever, a blog somewhere. (Ha ha, what is with Arabic and the crazy ways it can be phonetically represented in the Latin alphabet? Haha.) Read more on Rahm Emanuel Defeats (?) Muammar el-Qaddafi…
  insert tag

Rahm Mayor

Rahm Emanuel, the former chief of staff to President Barack Obama, won the Chicago mayoral election Tuesday, topping the 50% threshold to avoid a run-off vote, CNN projects. Bye fucker. [CNN] Read more on Rahm Mayor…
  funny pictures

Rahm Emanuel, Captivating Energy Orb Oversee Passage of Illinois Civil Unions

It is interesting that in a few short years, a very large state legalizing civil unions is now minor news. Anyway, here is phantom-eyed new Illinois resident Rahm Emanuel at the gay after-party, pictured with friend Unsettling Sentient Orb of Pure Energy, celebrating his new state’s basic human decency, via Wonkette operative “Gregg K.” Read more on Rahm Emanuel, Captivating Energy Orb Oversee Passage of Illinois Civil Unions…