Tag Archives: radio

  Her Name Is Rios And She Derps Upon The Sand

AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?

Not the best font match, I'll admit
Sandy Rios, the American Patriarchy Association’s “governmental affairs director,” is not happy at all with the Republicans in the Senate this week, but not so much because they’re holding up the confirmation of Loretta Lynch for the sake of putting some anti-abortion language into a bill to help victims of sex trafficking. Rios actually couldn’t give a rip about Lynch — who is evil, because appointed by Obama — but she’s pretty cheesed that the Senate is wasting precious legislative time on a bill addressing sex trafficking, which Rios is fairly sure is hardly even a thing at all, especially when compared to the existential crisis our once-proud nation faces from The Gays. Read more on AFA Lady Sandy Rios: Why Waste Time On Dumb Fake ‘Sex Trafficking’ When We Should Be Stomping Out The Gay?…
  Gun Radio: A Radio Show For Guns

George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!

Ready for all comers
George Zimmerman has a lot of free time. His notoriety prevents him from seeking conventional employment, evidently, and he got fired from his last unpaid gig in that the owner of the gun shop he was lurking behind at night for security told him to stop it already. Plus there’s that price on his head. Read more on George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!…
  What's All This Fuss About Eye Cysts Anyway?

Very Important Wingnut: Repeal The First Amendment So ISIS Doesn’t Get Us

Just look up 'Backpfeifengesicht'
Never one to let an opportunity for paranoia pass by, the Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins found a way to link fear of ISIS with one of his favorite fears, the specter of secularism (which is going to make Christianity illegal any day now). Read more on Very Important Wingnut: Repeal The First Amendment So ISIS Doesn’t Get Us…
  Serial Loser Says What?

Rick Santorum Has Sexxy Advice For Barack Obama: Stop Being Pathetic About Iraq

On Monday, Rick Santorum dropped by the Family Research Council’s “Washington Watch” radio program, and he shared some of his foreign policy expertise with host and FRC head Tony Perkins. A couple of insights: Iraq is a mess because Barack Obama failed to strong-arm Iraqi President Nouri Al-Maliki into accepting a new status-of-forces agreement. Maliki insisted on sticking to the arrangement that he’d negotiated with George W. Bush, which required a U.S. withdrawal by 2010, but Santorum gives a hint of how he’d be a super diplomatic president who would make the rest of the world respect us. Since the U.S. had more or less put Maliki in office, Obama should have just gone to Maliki and said, “We’ll have a Status of Forces Agreement … or else.” That’s how America does international relations, for heaven’s sake: by bullying our allies into submission, like Jesus advocated. But did Obama make Maliki an offer he couldn’t refuse? No, the dumb weakling. Santorum continued: Read more on Rick Santorum Has Sexxy Advice For Barack Obama: Stop Being Pathetic About Iraq…
  the violence inherent in the system

What Is Free Speech Even Coming To When Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Can’t Say The N-Word On The Radio?

Former Illinois congresscritter and forever deadbeat dad Joe Walsh was sent home early from his job as a wingnut talk radio host Thursday, because obviously the management of the radio station has no idea how Free Speach* works. See, all he was doing was making a commentary about the controversy over the Washington Redskins’ team name, and to make his point it was very important to him that he actually say other offensive terms on the air, for demonstration purposes. For some reason, his socialist employers at Chicago station WIND-AM didn’t understand the simple logic of this, and yanked him off the air. Happily for the world, he live-tweeted his unfolding beatdown by the forces of oppression. Read more on What Is Free Speech Even Coming To When Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Can’t Say The N-Word On The Radio?…
  couldn't happen to a nicer guy

A Children’s Treasury Of Reactions To CBS Declaring Stephen Colbert Pope Of Late Night

It looks like almost everyone on Twitter is congratulating Stephen Colbert on his being chosen to take over David Letterman’s Late Show, except for a few people who are surprised-not-surprised that the job went to a middle-aged white guy, and a few conservatives who are now going to boycott The Late Show because they had somehow forgotten to boycott it a few years ago when everyone in the Wingnuttosphere deliberately twisted a joke Letterman made. But for the most part people are happy, although some have a sad because it also means that the “Stephen Colbert” character will be leaving Comedy Central. Then again, that is just a character played by Stephen Colbert, so it’s possible that someone else could take over the role. How about Dick Sargent? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Reactions To CBS Declaring Stephen Colbert Pope Of Late Night…
  you want a present don't you?

Radio Wingnut Neal Boortz Dreaming Of A White MLK

Libertarian annoyance Neal Boortz, filling in as host of the Herman Cain radio show (which is an actual thing), added his fair-taxed two cents to the Great Santa Is White Stupid Foofaraw of 2013 Monday, explaining that 1) Santa is, yes, a white Caucasian European-American honky, and 2) Because shut up, he just is, all right? We’ve got another eight days of this crap, folks, and it is apparently here for the duration. But it’s at least a little different from the usual screaming idiocy of the War on Christmas, so there’s that. Read more on Radio Wingnut Neal Boortz Dreaming Of A White MLK…
  do not enable these pagan cookies

Wingnut Radio Preacher Kevin Swanson Begs You To Boycott Girl Scouts And Their Commie Lesbo Abortion Cookies

One of our favorite wingnuts, unhinged radio* panic-man Kevin Swanson, who gave us the science facts about tiny dead babies inside the wombs of women using the pill and how Mark Twain was possessed by demons, now has something else to freak out about: Cookies. Cookies baked not by elves, but by Girl Scouts, who are Communist lesbians. (OK, baked by several large commercial bakers under contract with communist lesbians.) And so, Swanson issued this simple plea to boycott Communist lesbian Girl Scout cookies, for the reasons mentioned right there: “Please, I beg of you, do not buy Girl Scout cookies … Please, I beg of you, stop buying Girl Scout cookies.” Also the brown acid. Stay away from the brown acid. Especially the thin mint kind. Read more on Wingnut Radio Preacher Kevin Swanson Begs You To Boycott Girl Scouts And Their Commie Lesbo Abortion Cookies…
  which kind of feminist are you?

Jesus: Don’t Let Your Daughters Go To College To Turn Into Ugly Feminist Whores

We are sure these Christian radio hosts were not trying to gift us with the joy of laughter, the heartiest, most cleansing laughs we have had in weeks. We believe they are quite serious, as they prove without a doubt the link between letting your daughter go to college and her ugly feminist professors turning her into a family-destroying, child-hating, ugly, angry feminist whore. In fact, if they could see us, sitting at our monitor, drinking our fair-trade shade-grown organic French roast coffee in our Stylish Urban Loft Of Destroying the Family and Whoring, and they could see our happy, beaming VERY ANGRY face, they would probably get even angrier than they are now, and that is really saying something. Give them just shy of five minutes of your time. You’ll be so glad MAD you did! Read more on Jesus: Don’t Let Your Daughters Go To College To Turn Into Ugly Feminist Whores…
  endless derp

Todd Akin’s Final Answer: He’s In It To Win It! (Also Too, 9/11)

Vaginal magic expert Rep. Todd Akin has just gone on the Mike Huckabee radio show to announce his final decision before today’s 5:00 drop-out deadline and LOL, he’s staying in. The reason is the same as yesterday: 9/11, and how the first responders wouldn’t want him to quit!…?? Hoo boy. We could see this coming, his defiant non-quitting of the Missouri Senate race, as soon as the National Review posted an editorial calling on him to drop out yesterday. When does that ever work? Read more on Todd Akin’s Final Answer: He’s In It To Win It! (Also Too, 9/11)…
  today in wingnut welfare

Herman Cain to Replace Other Annoying Guy on the Radio Forever

Great news: Herman Cain has been elected president! Is that the news? Of course not. But his presidential campaign has been 100% successful according to the metric by which he chose to run in the first place. He’s landed a big old wingnut radio show to debut in 2013, on the famous Day One of the Romney administration. He had a radio show before, but that was small market yokel fluff. This is a nationally syndicated show. He will replace Neal Boortz, the FairTax Hero who is retiring because he is one million years old. Read more on Herman Cain to Replace Other Annoying Guy on the Radio Forever…
  shopping with sean

Hannity: Poor People Are Doing Fine Because There Is Enough Rice And Beans To Go Around

Oh, the radio! Fox News doesn’t let Sean Hannity speak lies to the powerless to quite the degree that he would like to, so, on his radio program on Monday, the reigning drunk jock of the airwaves took a call from a man who was trying to explain why he wasn’t convinced he should vote for Mitt Romney. WELL WHY NOT? Said the caller: “I need for you to ask him, when was the last time he went to bed or woke up hungry? You see, this is the part that most Americans can associate with.” (Rude interruptions, disbelief from Hannity.) “See, it’s kind of hard for them to associate with somebody that has never, ever had any financial problems in his life,” the caller continued. Hannity’s response to this is that he himself, Hannity, because this is his show, goddammit, has “never [gone] to bed hungry in my life — ever. Most Americans haven’t.” Read more on Hannity: Poor People Are Doing Fine Because There Is Enough Rice And Beans To Go Around…
  where's waggaman?

Where’s Wags? Wall Street Riley Is On ‘The Story’

Have you been missing Riley Waggaman’s Wonkette dispatches from the Occupation? So have we! But while we await his return to Zuccotti Park/Liberty Square/Freedom Fry-T-Mobile Arena, here is a program we think you will enjoy. It’s The Story, a good topical show from American Public Media, and Riley is the featured debt-ridden unemployed vagrant/visionary. Here’s the link, and you can click the Listen button at the bottom to hear it, or listen to the “podcast” on “the iTunes.” Read more on Where’s Wags? Wall Street Riley Is On ‘The Story’…
  mixed messages!

Barack Obama Is Now Secret Muslim President of Palestine

Maybe Barack Obama’s attitude about 2012 is “Fine, you want this country? Please, help yourself,” because he is moving on – to the Middle East! Where he belongs, according to everybody’s handful of (crazy?) relatives who think Barack Obama is a no good Muslin terrorist. This is why he is totally taking the Palestinians’ side, according to some radio advertisement! Read more on Barack Obama Is Now Secret Muslim President of Palestine…
  unique perspectives

Michele Bachmann Reminds America of Its Soviet Troubles

At this point, we have started to really wonder if Michele Bachmann is just a demented lunatic who flunked 6th grade American History, or if she is actually living in some sort of alternate universe/time continuum. If it is the latter, then maybe everyone else is wrong for not yelling, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELVIS!” and “DEATH TO THE SOVIET UNION!” This is what Michele Bachmann has done in recent days, as she comes down from whatever high she had obtained binge-eating raw butter in Iowa. Read more on Michele Bachmann Reminds America of Its Soviet Troubles…
  'we begin bombing in five minutes'

FEMA/Homeland Security Making New Presidential Emergency Announcements

Hooray, the good people at FEMA and Homeland Security have recorded a bunch of terrible doom announcements by Barack Obama, for when we have an Egyptian-style revolt. Luckily, these will never be used, because the only thing “Egyptian-style” Americans might like is, maybe, a new kind of “Egyptian-style Anusburger Lover’s Super Bowl Special” from Dominoes, which will be a 57,000-calorie pizza-cake topped with two dozen Quarter Pounder/McRib combo burritos wrapped in Olive Garden bread stix and drizzled with corn syrup, nacho “cheese sauce” and hen semen: Read more on FEMA/Homeland Security Making New Presidential Emergency Announcements…
  cultural high points

Rush Limbaugh Billboard Promises People of Tucson More Shooting

Sure, the people of Tucson love getting shot. But did they know they can also get shot on the radio? It’s true! They just have to listen to Rush Limbaugh on their radio, according to this billboard that’s “down the street where Giffords was shot.” Read more on Rush Limbaugh Billboard Promises People of Tucson More Shooting…
  where presidents are made

When Tim Pawlenty’s Elected President Next Tuesday, He’ll Reinstate DADT

We have no idea why Tim Pawlenty ever was considered a serious candidate for president; these things just happen, we guess. Has Pawlenty ever shouted “YOU LIE” at the current man in the office? No, and that fact should disqualify him. But yesterday, a veritable meeting of the minds occurred: Pawlenty went on insane AFA blogger Bryan Fishcer‘s radio show to promote his squirrely squirrel book. Pawlenty lets us know that he, not Jesus, is responsible for defining marriage. And at the very end of this clip, right before the scary music, he promises to pull a fast one on the gays by reinstating their ban from military service. Read more on When Tim Pawlenty’s Elected President Next Tuesday, He’ll Reinstate DADT…
  pudding cup mafia

Christine O’Donnell To Head-Crush Radio Station

Christine O’Donnell went on a local conservative radio show yesterday to talk about her campaign. After finishing this interview, that campaign told the radio station it would “crush” it if it didn’t turn over the videotape of what transpired, though it’s kind of hard to destroy an interview that was broadcast live on the air and online, so now the campaign is apologizing and now says it doesn’t need to kill anyone to get these tapes, thank you. So why did O’Donnell want the video of this interview? It seemed to be a control thing, based on their anger that that THEY WERE NOT told about the video cameras around the studio. But actually, looking at the video, perhaps they didn’t want people to see Christine snapping her fingers to one of her staffers to come over and threaten the radio host for being mean to her. CHRISTINE ONLY DOES INTERVIEWS WILL PEOPLE WHO ARE WILLING TO GIGGLE WITH HER, BRO. Read more on Christine O’Donnell To Head-Crush Radio Station…
  like that old wb show 'jack and bobby' basically

Piper Palin Called Into a Radio Show, We Guess

Why did we put Conservatives4Palin in our RSS feed? Right now we are slitting our wrists, because this is just awful. Piper Palin “called in” to this terrible Alaska morning drive (for commutes from one patch of barren tundra to another?) time radio show on Joe Miller’s glorious primary day, yet “this one slipped through the cracks” for C4P. THANKFULLY, the interview was replayed yesterday, and they caught it, and now we can go kill ourselves. Read more on Piper Palin Called Into a Radio Show, We Guess…
  back then he was so handsome

Glenn Beck Was Rachel Maddow’s Secret Radio Boyfriend

Once upon a time, Rachel Maddow enjoyed listening to Glenn Beck’s goofy rants on the radio. This is why we claim Glenn Beck was once her “secret radio boyfriend” in the headline, because these two things are one and the same, as you very well know: Read more on Glenn Beck Was Rachel Maddow’s Secret Radio Boyfriend…