Wonkette

Congressional Democrats will save the economy this Friday by letting Henry Paulson, the new president, do whatever he wants about anything, policy-wise. Mostly this will involve giving a trillion dollars to his friends on Wall Street in exchange for some junk mortgages which Paulson will re-sell, to no one, because they’re junk mortgages. On the bright side, the dollar will plummet under the weight of all this new debt, meaning inflation will soar, meaning one trillion dollars will be the new 27 cents. Cheap! So who should pay for this, the worst proposal of the Bush Administration since the Iraq war? Let’s see if we can tabulate a trillion dollars worth of sucky people’s money to take for the big Money Bonfire of 2008. MORE »

Remember hilarious football-holding horse-riding racist dildo George Allen? He was supposed to be the “new Ronald Reagan,” but the Daily Kos or whatever videotaped him calling a fellow of Indian ancestry some kind of African monkey. Next thing you know, people found out George Allen was ashamed to be a secret Jew, and he maybe stuffed the heads of deer into black people’s mailboxes (?), and it was all hilarious and wonderful. Anyway, George Allen’s back! And he will convince, er, black people to vote for the Republicans! MORE »

BLACK GOVERNOR IS RACIST FOR NOTING PALIN’S RACIST ATTACK ON ‘COMMUNITY ORGANIZERS’: What would the GOP do without black people to call racist? [Gawker]

There is SHOCKING news from the campaign trail today as the John McCain Presidency has angrily lashed out at Barack Obama for being black. “My opponent is half-colored,” McCain said today from one of his mansions, “And worse, he claims the coloreds have not been president before. This is shameful, shame on this uppity colored and his race-baiting. Go back to Africa, Osama Spears.” UPDATE: You’re all pussies. We’ve replaced the picture (which showed a lynching, which was a legal activity in the American South when John McCain was a young man) with a small mirror. [ALL POLITICAL SITES ON EARTH]

We interrupt your Fourth of July with some Breaking News: Jesse Helms was apparently still alive, and now he’s dead, hooray! He was a sour troll and a bigot, and it’s a testament to every rotten thing about this country that for a quarter century, he was one of the most powerful people in American politics. [LAT/NYT]

Get ready for the softer, whiter side of Michelle Obama! According to somebody at the New York Times who leaked it to Drudge Report, Barack’s fancy corporate wife is getting a “subtle makeover” that will finally make right-wing nuts put aside racism and sexism so they can metaphorically embrace their new first lady, who represents everything they so deeply resent in life: intelligence, wealth, style, liberalism and especially the “being female” and “being black” parts. UPDATE: Oh here it is. MORE »

Oh, Texas Republicans, you are always so funny. Here is a fun button worn by everyone at the Texas GOP convention. When not making hilarious rape jokes, Texas Republicans like to make jokes about ambitious coloreds. [America Blog]

OLD LIBERAL LADY HATES OBAMA: Geraldine Ferraro, the horrible old woman who made history in 1984 by giving Ronald Reagan 49 of 50 states, continues her winning streak today by telling the NYT she probably won’t vote for Obama in November because she’s racist he’s, uh, “sexist.” [Real Clear Politics]

Here he is, your favorite evangelical former Arkansas governor and failed GOP candidate Mike Huckabee, cracking up the NRA folks with the old “Hey the colored boy is a-scared of your rifles” line. Ha ha ha! [Daily Kos/Gawker]

AND ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS BECOME A RACIST: “Sen. Clinton’s Mountain State blowout was only her second such landslide victory in the 51 primaries and caucuses to date.” [Wall Street Journal]

Here’s the latest cuteness from America’s fat dumb racists: It is a t-shirt, stealing the trademarked children’s character “Curious George,” with the addition of a possibly insincere “Obama in ‘08″ slogan. Get it, because black people are like monkeys! Jesus fucking christ. Can we just have Robert Byrd give his Klan robe to Hillary and get it over with? Burn a cross on the White House lawn and call it a day? [Op-Ed News]