Wonkette

We were hoping to search for some nice wire photos on the Getty search engine of Barack Obama in the last 24 hours, so as to do one of those mildly comical photos tours. But there have been no photos of Barry in the last 24 hours, because he is eating his Waffles. Now how does this lead a search engine to think we meant OSAMA? Are there any pictures of him in the last 24 hours? Alas, another corner of the Internet, another spiderhole of racism. They are coming for your blog next.

Former U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft was speaking at Skidmore College in upstate New York when he became a racist, a terrible racist, again. He accidentally referred to Barack Obama by his Christian middle name, “Osama.” Then the college liberals boo him, boo him some more, and then… wait, why is John Ashcroft still alive? Didn’t Alberto Gonzales pull the plug on him in that hospital room that time, so as to torture people? [YouTube via Saratoga Springs News]

This rapidly circulating flyer was seen ON THE DESK OF Bill Sandifer, a Republican South Carolina state representative. Can you see how horribly non-racially transcendent it is already? MORE »

There’s some big news coming out of North Dakota State University, America’s college. The school’s “Saddle and Sirloin Club” held a Mr. NDSU contest recently, and some strange things happened: “People who attended said a pageant contestant from Saddle and Sirloin dressed as a woman from the Internet video ‘I Got a Crush on Obama’ and performed [a lap dance] for another student who was wearing dark makeup and an afro wig. In the background, two male students dressed as cowboys simulated anal sex while holding an Obama sign that one student ripped at the conclusion of the 30-second performance.” Too much Sirloin for the Saddle, as Hillary Clinton likes to say about penises. [Bismarck Tribune]

Do you know who Lou Dobbs, the orange-headed anti-Mexican elitist, hates more than The Illegals? Cotton-pickin’ politicians such as Condoleezza Rice! You see, “cotton-pickin’” refers to people who pick cotton, and is a term of derision used by angry old men of a certain age who prefer arcane insults over nice all-purpose Anglo-Saxon adjectives. Fortunately for Dobbs, he stops himself midway through this terrible slur and avoids touching that tar baby. [YouTube via TPM]

HOORAY FOR OBAMA’S NEW ANTI-RACISM POLITICS: In the past, if you tried to broach a racially sensitive topic, one of your constipated friends would shout “That’s Racist!” and things would get really heated, because of slavery. Goodbye to all that. Now your constipated friends will shout “That’s Not Racial Transcendence!” and you will agree, because Transcendence requires a National Conversation. Thank you to commenter mahousu for creating this updated logo of the little black child and his new favorite phrase (it’s a mouthful!).

Oh look, here’s another nutty preacher with crazy fantasies about the government plot to exterminate the Negro Race (well duh!). But this time, it is white Jesus nut Rod Parsley, who is the beloved conservative Republican spiritual adviser to John “Mulatto Baby” McCain. Everybody is a crazy racist, the end. [Huffington Post]

Oh poor St. Barack of Obama, the evil media has him in one of their traps! You know, the one where there’s a controversy over racist comments, and then you have to explain them away so many times that, eventually, you’ll utter something off-key and turn a racial scandal into a Race War. One lucky interviewer snagged a fine out-of-context quote from Barry today, involving his Kansas “white grandmother,” the one Barry eulogized as a racist in his speech Tuesday. Today, Barry explained to Philly’s WIP radio that his grandmother was an example of the “typical white person,” in this regard. MORE »

The Clark County, Utah Republican Party held its convention Saturday, and the Mormons are so secretive that it’s taking this important news several days to make its way around the Internet. “Standing in” for John McCain was Mark Shurtleff, the attorney general of Utah. Even that title sounds horribly racist and sexist and Mormon. So what horribly racist and sexist and Mormon things did he say? MORE »

Ardent Clinton supporter Geraldine Ferraro ran for Vice President once, and now she wants everybody to know how fortunate Barack Obama is to be a black man. She recently told the Daily Breeze, an LA-area paper, that “If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept.” Whoopsy! MORE »